Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The thing

Noble be the heart and the doing of a man, for that the heart of the fated one glimmers in favor of the hard toil that earns the man the fame.

If rough and tough shall be the toil, let it be. For the true jade are not revealed by mere carving of the knife.

Earn the nobility with your own hands, your own hard work.

-

Saturday, December 20, 2008

偶抒

過去的我,什麽都會在乎。現在的我,什麽都不在乎。準確的說,不是什麽都不在乎。應該是,大部分的事情就讓它自然而然的自然而然吧。以前的我,什麽都很固執,喜歡在自己高興的時候把一些事情還有想法強加于別人的頭上,現在回想,這樣人人都會有的,不算是什麽不正常,可是老實說,屬於那個時候的我在某種程度上已經逐漸消失了。可能殘餘著一些舊時候的影子吧,不外是影子而無他。

準確一點來說,的確最近生活節奏開始放緩,神經也沒那么緊繃了。怎么說呢,也不是懶洋洋,就純粹是在好好過活吧。也需要時間思考自己的未來到底應該長成什麽樣子,雖然現在自己反倒不怎么在乎,但有時候自己一個人喝著啤酒解悶的時候也會納悶一下,如是而已。比較專注的是自己的愛好。要幹事也選自己愛好的來干。今天把村上的'挪威的森林'重讀了一遍,有一句話深印腦海:勞動和努力是不一樣的。

聽著Beatles的歌曲,讀著村上的小說,看著宮崎駿的電影,覺得生活的感覺挺寫意的,無可無不可。早睡早起,也想著要早晨起來跑步來著,只是最近考試,所以沒有實踐。既然都考完了,不妨明天來個晨跑也挺不錯的。想著想著,睡意也慢慢上來了。今天晚上有種不疾不徐的感覺,覺得寫寫隨意的也挺有意思的,才敲打出這一篇文字。

只是在想,現在什麽都開始看得開的我,是不是不會有女孩子看上我呢?哈哈。認真的說起來,現在真的只想好好在世界各地旅居,別的都不想放在腦子上。就這樣,把自己的心情,自己的生活好好調理。如是而已。

-

Monday, December 01, 2008

Kiki's Delivery

Watched Miyazaki's "Kiki's Delivery" just now, and I have no regrets that I skipped study today and sort of who-knows-how get to watch Kiki's Delivery.

Always love Miyazaki's anime, not because of its art or whatsoever, but more on the themes. I bet Miyazaki is a person who travels a lot, if not then he sure dreams about travelling a hell lot. Almost all of his animes' stories are centered on the main character going to a foreign land to live and adventure, and mostly will settle there. I remember the first time I watched 'Spirited Away', I just left home and flown to Hong Kong. The feelings went so deep when I myself spirited away at the same time as well, like the character, wandering into a foreign land, exploring alone, and sometimes with friends tagging along as well.

And of course, animes are not reality. In reality, we get affected by the environment, both physically and mentally. We are unlike those anime characters who hold onto their faiths and personalities so strong that in the end they are the ones who change the environment and not otherwise. I rather would say that, it's mutual.

I would like to tell you guys my version of my story, and of course, this serves as a self reminder to myself as well. It's unfair to say that I am not changed by the environment. In fact, I did change, and from time to time I adjusted either way too much or way too little. I kinda get the catch and the hang of it now. But there's one safe conclusion I can draw: I lost myself since I entered this university. And I think I just found myself back.

Yes I did lose myself, and I was lost until like a week ago. I got airy, I got proud, I got cocky, arrogant, cibai, lansi, lanciao and whatsoever, you name it as you like. Until when I start to lose everything that I have, when every single thing is slipping away, I started to realize, "Shit, I have naught left in me...I am so empty."

When repicking my own footsteps these few weeks, I start to think about a lot of things. And I think that what I got from Kiki's Delivery should generalize all of it:-


Harry MacDowel is heightening his ohm says:
well haha what i learned suits my situation now la
it says that no matter how good u are or how natural u are at one thing
one day u will lose it oso
and that's the time when u realize that u are a student all along in ur life
then ur life will start to get wonderful when u are grateful for what u haf, haf respect for ppl u dun und or dunno anything about, and live everyday fully

WZ - eeevaaa says:
thats true
i guess thats the recipe for life

Harry MacDowel is heightening his ohm says:
yeah
once i started uni, i lost my life
becoz i stop being a student
i start to get proud
now i m back to square one
but i m happy

WZ - eeevaaa says:
good for u mate


Hopefully it's good for me. At least I am now a devoted student, to both his study and his life. Now, if you ask me what's the best role to be in in this world, my answer would be: a devoted student. Well enough relaxation for now! Things will start to kick in starting tomorrow. I shall get myself to wake up at early morning so that I can get to lab to pick up my study schedule before I dive myself into the projects which are coming up.

Like Kiki, I am kinda preparing myself to leave for another journey now. When my heart hits the button 'yes', I will take my leave. The places I have in mind is: Tianjin (天津), Shanghai (上海), Beijing (北京), Tokyo (東京) or Kyoto (京都). The first three places are for working and the last two are for furthering my study. I would probably take up master degree in my current university while I am preparing myself. But anytime I decided, I will surely take off almost immediately bah. Already had the companies that I wanna work in d also...and for Japan, I might have to wait two more years or one year if I took off to work. Till then, I might plan to just go to Japan for japanese studies and then US for my phD. But anyways, I really dunno haha so don't ask me as well. I am trying to let my mind free for this moment as exams are cramming in.

But the truth is, I feel like travelling to a foreign land and to live by myself again. This time, the desire is very strong. I think maybe it's because I kinda have my direction and thoughts more or less moulded already, and also I am starting to get tired of Hong Kong. The only reason I stay here is to finish up the research my boss have me doing right now. It's a bit waste if I were to leave it stranded like that.

Anyways, will probably leave this blog unattended for the coming month, so dun expect anything haha! And dan, I din forget my promise about Perth. Don't you worry, I will settle my ass there asap when I have the mood. Won't be too long lol. Let's see what we both can achieve at that time then.

Gambatte ne everybody!!!

-

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A tribute to Xinch

Never thought that I would have made it before I go back to Penang. So a game of Literati mends us up, and your songs really are great. I am really happy. Tonight, I took 3 cans of beer in a row and the last one is totally a tribute to you, my good old xinch.

I am sorry for what I said before this. I knew apology itself is not enough, but when you shrugged it off with a cool 'chillin', I know that I had hit gold. I had taken our friendship for granted all along, and I really suck, right? Haha don't laugh, I know I used to be jerk. But not anymore.

Like the song by Melee, our friendship is built to last. The bond, the laughters, the fun, the warm feelings when we are there for each other. I will never ever take them for granted anymore.



cause this is real, and this is good
it warms the inside just like it should
but most of all
most of all, it's built to last
it's built to last

Thank you for everything, xinch. You definitely made my day. ^^

-

Saturday, November 22, 2008

論誆疏

昔人有若吾者,豎橫無之?若之謂誆矣。蓋天有姻緣牽,奪於冥也;飲姬周酒,祈其福乎,望得一二。左傳有姜氏之齊後偃於陳,是不恕者,偏以全。然孔聖言:"不患人之不己知,患不能也。"如天演何之奧矣。痴兮嘆兮!

鼌錯綱政,失於饞;有君曰:妾之所以美於我,懼我者,皆私我焉。友美於我者,有求於我焉。男女有異,行難意之,老之泰之,然;愛之寶之,咸石城湯池亦難成其事乎。

覽意洞書,掩卷嘆其何意堅也,舍情擇業,心已甲兵之,亡不芳逾百世矣。淚襟而昂敬,夫必國心效之。夜深,憶誆者,二慚之而後省,蓋事其心而亡二念,大丈夫所為乎。人生於世,不外是乎。緣於今世如暴風淫水,災而消甚速,不乏二襲,恆久如斯!

嗚呼!朝天闕!歌斯於胸,坦對天地孝悌之道,足立絕巘,誆之飾之亦容於大道乎!心決矣,蓋行之亡愧也。

-

Friday, October 31, 2008

Masked Riders, in Thailand!

Aha! Time to incorporate some fun into my blog after so many serious posts. I found a video clip which nearly killed me (yes, trust me). It nearly took my breath out laughing.

Well, it's in simple cantonese. But I can't help noticing the part where "damn交含kam lan" with the kam lan in hokkien. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OMFG. REALLY LAUGH DIE ME.

ENJOY AND LAUGH KAO LAT KAO LAT!



1) Note the lyrics;
2) Note the background;
3) Note how the cars siam the riders;

Kan this is really damn funny. I can't stop repeating.

-

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Secret of God

When Christian fanatics talk to me about God and etc, I always find it irritating and try to escape from them all the while. The way these fanatics interpret God and life is not the way I agree with. Being a scientific person, I would always like to see things around myself as a form of interpretable and logical appearance, not as something which seems 'out-of-nowhere'.

Realm of Energy

I myself believe in the balance and everything is energy. Like what Buddha said, what we think is what we create, and each universe from each individual that crosses path builds up to the ultimate universe and experience. I would like to think of it this way: The whole universe exists as a balance of energy, every single part of it. You can neither destroy energy nor create it, you can only transform an energy form from one form to another, and vice versa. That's what science is about, and that's what life and spiritual thinking is about.

So tell me, my fellow Christians, how do you define God? God is the one who creates the whole universe, He is indestructible, He is always here and there, in every single form and another. And what is energy? Energy creates the universe, energy is indestructible, energy always exist here and there, every single part of our surrounding objects and even ourselves. In the end, it boils down to how you look at things, really. If you look at things from a religious point of view, it turns out that you can hardly change a shit. For example, to destroy what God has created is a blasphemy. But for scientists, to manipulate the way energy works is never a blasphemy in any sort of logical reasons. The reasons behind work differently all together.

To be exact, I think Christianity should be practiced as a philosophy rather than a religion. There are major differences to it. When you practice the philosophy, you are balancing up your life by projecting the positive energy from your mind. (This statement is not un-scientific. Think of it this way, when your brain thinks of something, the neurotic cells are generating bio-electricity that thus generates thoughts. This bio-electricity, when generated, always generate waves. These waves thus interact with the environment around you, and therefore at another time later you will surely reap the feedbacks from the environment). When you are practicing it in a religious way, there're a thousand ways you will go wrong. Look at the crusaders. Look at the jihad movement created by the Muslims. What in the world is going on? Simply with the fact that the overwhelming, indestructible reasons from the interpretation of the holy book or some holy persons simply blind the devotees. Buddha never intends Buddhism to be a religion, and so does Jesus. Tell me, when Jesus had said that he wanna create a new religion called Christianity? He never did. All he wanna do from the start is to introduce changes to Jewism.

So pretty much we are dealing with the inner strength as we speak. When there is a divine being that gonna protect us and give us comfort, that's religion. When there is a reason and thoughts that we can reflect on ourselves and thus change the way we output to the world and the way we filter the inputs, that's called philosophy. And in the end, philosophy couldn't reach out so easily because it requires people who actually can think objectively. So, eventually, wise people blend philosophy into religions, and hope that in the end the general public will walk towards good deeds and positive thinking.

So, why trouble yourself with religion? You are yourself and you are part of God's realm. Yes you are, aren't you a bundle of energy that lives and interacts with the surrounding? The same works with constellation, stars, sun and gravity. We can even define ourselves as God if you want to, if that's what you want. I knew it when I said that I gonna get cornered-looks from the Christians. But hey, I am talking about Energy here. Energy is the God in my belief. I do think that God is inside me, and I am indeed part of what God wills me to do. To open people's eyes about what really is and what really is not. What really is, is the very essence of life, the energy. What really is not, is the interpretations and the rules and the laws of a religion that bind us while we don't even understand why the laws are there. That, is what not is.

The Secret

'The Secret' is a book that I would ultimately recommend everyone to read or to watch. (the DVD I mean). It has a bizzarre reasoning to start with, but in the end it still is about what I said just now, energy. It basically says that, if you think of what you want, you will get what you want.

From energy point of view, when you think positively, you will generate positive thoughts, and positive thoughts generate waves that interact with the environment. When you are in the mood of happiness or positive feelings, these waves will get even more amplified. Because of the happiness waves you generate, the bad waves input, such as credit card bills and stuff that enter your brain will be suppressed instead. This state-of-mind, will ultimately bring you to the course that you want to. You will never resist to smile back at a person who is really smiling so happily out of his/her heart to you, even when you are so down, right?

So what's with this secret? This secret is the law of attraction. It tells you that, like attracts like. If you are so fucking poor now, but the way you generate positive thoughts and being in the positive mood about you are getting to the point where abundance is your life, you will get to it anyhow. It's because the energy will balance itself. Mind me, it's not God that gives you what you want. It's you. You are the God now. You demands what you want, not God. Don't believe in that bullshit cause if you do, you will never understand what I am talking about. Everything in this universe is about interactions. Every interaction builds themselves from the ground of 'energy'. And thus, Law of Attraction works. You generate positive energy, in the end what you gonna produce is a resonance effect. Everything around you start to vibrate at your frequency, and thus the things you want to achieve start to materialize.

So what if you already think of what you want but you still don't get it? That's it. That's the Law of Attraction. When you start to ASK, you get the ANSWER from the universe, but because from the law of causality we know that there's always time lag between input and output, what the universe responds to us is not instant. So you have to RECEIVE. To receive, you have to be in the right mood, and you gotta really yearn for it a lot. Even there are theories which say ghosts exist because when hateful people die, the brainwaves they generate is so strong that it keeps vibrating around the space and thus when people with higher senses pick it up, they see the hateful message of that person---ghost. The same works with the Secret. If you have the thought of doing it, you have the way to do it finally, but you aren't just in the right mood to perform it, you will never get it. An example is, you want to become a great civil engineer. You want it real bad. You know how to do it, the universe has shown you to it...to be knowledge hungry, creative and etc. But you just don't believe you can do it. That's it. You are done. You get what you want, and you attract what you think. So in the end, the universe grants you that. You cannot do it.

Philosophy of doing it

I realized the philosophy that actually drives my life since I thought about it in form 3. I was always a lazy kid who never did my homework and in the end I got fished out by teachers. I was scolded by them, I was scolded by my parents. They kept telling me: it's too late for you to do anything. At that moment, I got the light on my philosophy: Nothing is too late, and nothing is too early. Things come to you at precisely the moment that they needed to, as you wish them to be. So I suddenly open myself up. I actually intended for the whole 'scolding' phenemona to start with. Of course, it is subconscious. But to think of it, why not it is actually subconsciously intentious? I had family problems, I had a lot of uncertainties in my life. And I wanted an alarm to change myself. And there I had it, the alarming wake-up call.

So what is the philosophy of doing it? To get what you want, to achieve what you want to? In the end it is not the desire that drives you to it, but the feelings. When you want to get rich, but you are so frustrated about your life, you might get rich in a way, but you will never be happy. The philosophy is, be in the positive mind while asking for what you want, and be grateful about it. When you feel grateful, you feel contented, and your life is full, thus you can start to give. When you start to give these 'contented' feelings to the people around you, things start to get positive, and things you want will appear eventually. That's how you wanna do it. You wanna believe in yourself that you are actually the God of your life. We are born with the power of manipulating energy. We are indeed, in the realm of Energy, thus the realm of God already.

Past, Present and Future

So that concludes it: the state we are in now, is an action from the past. That's present. And future has totally nothing to do with it. Trust me. When you failed test A, what you gonna fill your mind is just the bad emotions and self-blaming as a result from your failure in test A. Guess what? Yes you get it. You dwell on the bad frequency, you resonate more failures and bad frequency. Thus people tell you, the past is important because it is related to you. Absolutely no! The past only creates the present of you, and the future you, you can always tune your feelings and energies to breakthrough the past actions. What defines the future you is your present action, not the present state you are in because of your past actions.

I love weekends. Weekends are always the time when I can actually settle down and to think. I hope I do inspire you guys. And to my fellow Christians, sorry for the insults. I did not intend them. But really, treat your own religion objectively. Do not couple it with the laws and rules. Look beyond them and see the real philosophy inside. On the other hand, tradition and religion are always two different things. You can always sembahyang your nenek moyang even you are Christian. Come on la! Open up! ^^

P/S: Isn't it the science of wave energy balance the same as Christians' prayers and Buddhists' prayers? The same oso with the Guanyima prayers. When you pray hard, you generate solid brainwaves that resonate your life. Great! Yep, you can do it too, even without a religion!

-

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Work that you love

Being an engineer-to-be, and being a person who is constantly asked by my friends around me on what path do I set for my own future, I rarely have a fixed answer. I think that's why even my girlfriend get frustrated and feel insecure coz whenever she raised that question, my answer is: "I don't know". But that's life, we never know what we are, and here I will conjecture more: You don't even know who you are even you get there. Unless you are a few of the lucky ones. Like always, there's nothing that is necessarily true or untrue.

So, the serious topic I gonna put myself through now when writing this post is: What work do I really love to do? I guess this question is pretty much the question in almost every person on earth.


The Path: Form 5, and then...


I didn't choose engineering because I actually love engineering. I mean, I used to love playing with words in high school, and I know I am pretty good at it. I won prizes, by observing how the winning essays were presented and assume the 'frame' of a winning piece. And I am proud to say I am pretty good at manipulating emotions into words, twist them with a flavor of vanilla topping or whatsoever. Well, you know I am talking bout mandarin, right?

Until Form 5 is near to an end and everybody is troubled by their future. The choice to go to private college that gonna cost you a hell lot? Or to go to government-funded Form Six that seems to be a sinkhole for those who are from poor families and getting poor results (coz all those people got in the end are Malaysian universities)? Or dropout and find a job?

A lot among us are taking this seriously. And I am pretty much sure we don't know a shit about what we really like or love to do or to work on. You don't expect a Form Five kid to come at you and say, I like to become a doctor, for a reason other than 'saving people' and 'earning big money'. So a lot among us were pretty much blur, and those rich ones got sent out to foreign countries to be 'polished', while those who had not made their choices or those poor ones stay in Form Six. And Form Six, is pretty much what a lot of people call 'Hell'.

And in Form Six was the time I realized that my family is really poor. As in I found out from here and there that studying abroad in a good university is basically just a 'Cinderella'-like dream. The numbers are astronomical, although we were learning how the speed of light alter matter into energy at that time. So I decided to paint some colors into my totally fucked up life. I study really hard.

Most would have dropped their jaws if I tell them that I was not nearly a 'physics' or 'math' person in form 4 and 5. So I go for biology in Form Six, and then I realize biology is first and foremost, dull, and the second thing come into my mind is, I am pretty much fucked up if I don't get myself the good grades. So I change. I rather confront physics than the huge uncertainties of a jumbled up future career. This is the sad thing about Malaysian education. We are going towards money or prestige, rather than interest. Not because we really want that money or prestige, but rather that logic of the society and the people around us and the fact that Chinese is a 'secondary' citizen in Malaysia even we were born there.

Prestige


So when I got myself a good result, I told myself, hmm, this time I can bargain for my choice of work. So I weighed medicine, pharmacy and engineering. And to my genuine instinct, medical world just gonna fuck my life up because it is so 'routine' and lack of creativity. So I pick engineering. And because I love buildings to start with, so why not civil engineering?

Here I am, in a prestigious university studying civil engineering. Now I am starting to see the real question that is lurking behind: What do I really love to work on?

Till then I have this idea on how prestige works, but only vague ideas. Paul Graham clear my clouds and make my idea concrete. To me, this world is a whole junk of made-up prestige, especially in the business world. Tell me, which CEO is running a company happily while he has to flip through acc
ounting reports, financial reports, schedules of meetings, endless tasks of client meetings and practically a weak heart when he goes to bed to have sex with his girlfriend or wife? So I guess that's a no-no. But that's how it works. When people don't wanna do this job, those people who want you to do it pay you a lot better, and with the 'light' of the prestige that comes along with it. And now, hear Graham out:-

"Prestige is especially dangerous to the ambitious. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, the way to do it is to bait the hook with prestige. That's the recipe for getting people to give talks, write forewords, serve on committees, be department heads, and so on. It might be a good rule simply to avoid any prestigious task. If it didn't suck, they wouldn't have had to make it prestigious.

The other big force leading people astray is money. Money by itself is not that dangerous. When something pays well but is regarded with contempt, like telemarketing, or prostitution, or personal injury litigation, ambitious people aren't tempted by it. That kind of work ends up being done by people who are "just trying to make a living." (Tip: avoid any field whose practitioners say this.) The danger is when money is combined with prestige, as in, say, corporate law, or medicine. A comparatively safe and prosperous career with some automatic baseline prestige is dangerously tempting to someone young, who hasn't thought much about what they really like.

The test of whether people love what they do is whether they'd do it even if they weren't paid for it—even if they had to work at another job to make a living. How many corporate lawyers would do their current work if they had to do it for free, in their spare time, and take day jobs as waiters to support themselves?"


About discipline and my principles


I told WZ about my principles today: 1) Time efficiency: I don't like to spend too much time solving an easy problem. I don't mind procrastination, but I rather spend time working on harder problems; 2) Cost efficiency. I never wanna spend money acquiring gadgets before working, rather when I started to work, I figure out then what I gonna need to use for work and I buy it.

So you never see me buying high-end computer shit. Or any fancy cameras. It's not that I don't like them, but rather the fact that even I have them, I never will use them up to their fullest potential. So I feel great when I purchased a desktop and used up all the CPU's computing capability rather than buying a Pentium II 333 Mhz and left it there to rot. And obviously, WZ disapprove my first principle because he said that, if that's it, then it's not gonna be fun.

And so I am thinking, is there a work that you can call total fun, at all? You can find a work that fascinates you, but never a work that make you feel great and fun ALL the time. Pretty much now and then, you will get to the hard problems, and hard problems are always a pain in the ass. But why people always tell us to choose a work that we actually like? I guess the major reason is because we will procrastinate a lot less, and produce more. You couldn't actually tell an office boy to make coffee for fun, right?

"With such powerful forces leading us astray, it's not surprising we find it so hard to discover what we like to work on. Most people are doomed in childhood by accepting the axiom that work = pain. Those who escape this are nearly all lured onto the rocks by prestige or money. How many even discover something they love to work on? A few hundred thousand, perhaps, out of billions.

It's hard to find work you love; it must be, if so few do. So don't underestimate this task. And don't feel bad if you haven't succeeded yet. In fact, if you admit to yourself that you're discontented, you're a step ahead of most people, who are still in denial. If you're surrounded by colleagues who claim to enjoy work that you find contemptible, odds are they're lying to themselves. Not necessarily, but probably."

So what about work that you love? I don't think there's a fixed answer, ever. One has to keep switching jobs or their fields of interest to actually get to the thing they like. I like what Graham suggests, "always produce". What he actually mean is, if you don't like your current job, and you think that you are actually very much an author, then start producing, and "always produce". Only when you get your hands on the work that you think you are supposed to like, by then you will learn whether you actually like them or not. If you think you can earn enough money by doing the current job and get to author a book later, you may be in a deep shit when you quit your work and find that you are totally not an author after all.

So how to find the work that we love? I like the idea of a dynamic work for starters. Dynamic as in, you have a job that does not require the whole fucking attention of your time and life. And this always means a job that is less paid. The highly paid jobs are always those that require a huge attention during the working hours, for e.g. financial accounting firm. Now we know why business firms pay their workers more in general. It's because their jobs are totally boring and practically made their life wasted. So, if you think that you don't have an idea yet, start off with a dynamic job. And by that you can have enough energy to hop around different things and works. At least, you have the energy to 'always produce' at night or after work, am I right?


Being an engineering student; And...the Boundary


The thing I love about engineering is that, engineering is a field that will always (or somehow) converge in the end. People doing civil engineering can always switch to mechanical and EE and vice versa. All the things we learn are pretty much inter-related, and if you are a knowledge hunger freak like me who actually interested in engineering, you will be extremely happy. That's why I come up with the idea of having my own workshop in the future. I might like to do something mechanical, or EE or chemical on my own. I never know what field of engineering that interests me the most, yet, right?

And so the idea of being an engineer is becoming sensible to me at this moment. At least I am happy with the idea of working out a hard problem that I actually like to work on. But it does not mean it's fun. C'mon people, you gotta erase this idea. If you can watch movie rather than work, you will always watch movie and not work. That's the basic logic. There is no such work that is more fun than watching movie or reading manga or watching anime. But there is always this boundary, that if you have not produced anything and just having the fun, you will feel something is wrong, and you get to work on something then.

So this boundary should be the one used to remind ourselves now and then, not that the work is actually so fun. Find a work that you love doing, but do not expect it to be so hard-assed fun. I always believe that work brings pleasure, especially hard work that requires you to solve hard problems, like those in engineering. The pleasure here does not mean the one-second movie pleasure. The pleasure is not now, but rather the feeling of being great that lasts for one month, one year or even your entire life after finishing it.

So my dear friends, do not live in denial anymore. You should consider how to find out which work that you love to work on, rather than telling yourself that you are already working on one. You know the answers change from time to time, and I am sure one day we will find it. About how to do it, Graham suggests two methods: the Organic method; or the two-route method. You can dig up his essay and read it. Either method or any method of your own, there's always this principle: hard work always bring lasting pleasure; and the work you love is not gonna be always fun.

Cheers!!!!! And wish you guys have a great weekend! ^^



References

I always like Paul Graham. His essays are clear and easy to understand, even after you had drunk two cans of beer and a long tiring day. Here's the link: How to Do What You Love.

p/s: I welcome any debate or idea but inspire me, please. ^^

-

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Dream big, and persist

Dream big. That's what I keep telling myself nowadays. When a person's glorious moments are coming, I am sure he/she will know it. I personally do. To me, it's now or never. I can feel the vibes in the air, the gush in the wind and the God-like sermon playing about my ears telling me: Your glory is coming. Reach out to it.

Or is it that I am dreaming?

Well, I have a high percentage of being delusional as I speak. You can choose not to read this post. But I have a question to ask each of you who is actually reading: Have you ever dreamed big? If you had, what about now? Is it even considered big, or just another typical solution for the so-called perfect life in our society?

When we live, we always have dreams. All sort of dreams: dreams to make this world a better place, dreams to do what we really like to do and triumph in it. But when life's mandate hit us, we succumb. (the mandate says: you have no money. you have no money. you have no...please iterate until you reach the end) We divert from our dreams, and we start to look pathetic, in our own eyes. One way or the other, we divert now and then. It's life, come on. It's okay to divert, actually, if you have been true to your conscience. Even if you are making the dumbest choice, if you are happy with it, I will acknowledge you. Seriously. If you feel happy watching ants making out, why not?

So, here I go. I am actually hungering for heights. Heights in academic excellence. Here I don't mean that I wanna have all the A+s, but rather I am dreaming bigger. Now I have fresh opportunities to initiate breakthroughs in geotechnical engineering and also particle simulation programs. They are not impossible tasks, as they are actually do-able. They are within my abilities. But time never seem to be enough. And confidence fluctuates now and then, until I hit myself with the idea: why not me? I mean, why I have to be so pessimistic about it? If I can make this a feat, let's do it! I still remember clearly when my boss slapped me on the shoulder and said: "Make me famous! It has to be you." That, propels me, moves me, and totally catches me.

I happened to come across an article on Hardy Cross, a famous professor in civil engineering who invented Moment Distribution Method and conduit flow calculations. It is a story which I think everybody should read, especially the engineers:-

""

Once a student named Alford told Cross that he thought one of the problem solutions in their text was wrong. Cross paced back and forth, staring hard at the student, and pointing at him fiercely. "Can you, a graduate student, actually have the temerity to accuse the internationally known engineer who wrote this book of MAKING A MISTAKE? Can you really believe that the publishers would allow such an alleged error to be printed? Can you show us the error?"

Alford seemed unable to answer.

Still pacing, Cross said, "Can anyone help Mr. Alford? Do any of you see a mistake in problem four?"

The class was silent.

"Well, Mr. Alford," Cross said sternly, "would you care to retract your accusation?"
"It's just that I can't..."
"Speak up!" Cross thundered.
"I still believe it's wrong!" Alford shouted, his face red with embarrassment.
"Then kindly come to the board and prove it to us," Cross taunted. "We shall be pleased to see the proof of your unfounded allegation."

Alford labored at the board without success for the rest of the period. Cross began his next lecture by saying, "In our last meeting Mr. Alford raised a serious and unfounded charge against the author of our text." Staring at Alford, he said, "Have you reconsidered your accusation?"
"No, sir," Alford replied. "I still believe he is wrong."
"To the board, then. We still await your proof."
Alford's labors were again unsuccessful.

The third time the class met, Cross said, "Mr. Alford, are you ready to withdraw your ill- considered accusation about problem four?"

Moments 1ater Alford was at the board. Within a few minutes he managed to show the solution to the problem in the book was incorrect, and he returned to his seat. Cross's pleasure was evident from his expression. "You must always have the courage of your convictions," he aaid. "Mr. Alford does; apparently the rest of you do not, or you are not yet sufficiently well educated to realize that authority — the authority of a reputation or the authority of a printed page — means very little. All of you should hope to someday develop as much insight and persistence as Mr. Alford."

""

That's why I am here now. I want to make myself remember this feeling of mine, now. And I will remind myself of it if I happen to lose it for a while in the future. This feeling, has to be of my safekeeping, forever. And I will like to instill it in you guys too: If you have dreams, dream big. If you dream big, have confidence. If you don't have confidence, persist until you find it. The authority (here I refer to the collective logic of a society) is not always right and in fact, it means very little if you choose to believe in your direction and purpose. So my friends, stay foolish, stay hungry while you dream big. Fools learn alot more and in the end, they are always called geniuses.


References:
For those interested in Hardy Cross, visit these links:-
An account on Hardy Cross which is written beautifully <--- Hardy Cross - wiki <--- And if you are from engineering, you probably heard of Nathan Newmark, the pioneer of the elegant solutions to dynamic equations and also a very intuitively involved practicing civil engineer. Well, why I mention him? Because he is a student of Cross, and he was always so proud of Cross.

Enjoy reading!!


p/s: This is the 100th post of my blog, and Oct 1st is the national day of China. Hurray!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Untitled

If there exists a person who I cannot resist to be together with, it's you.

-

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Where am I

The pain goes on, incessantly. The pain goes on when the night draws its curtain and I started to fret. Poverty stole your golden shoes, but it didn't steal your laughter. But you did. You stole my laughter away from me. And heartache came to visit me.

I am deeply troubled before, during, and after sleep. Waking up from sweet dreams to reality everyday isn't exactly the way to start a day afresh. I know. I know the situation we're having is killing both of us, at the same time. We keep finding new things to argue over, almost every week. When I am tired, you will sneak into your own rhythm of breakup calls. When you are tired, I suddenly realize we have enough and it's my turn to blow the breakup horns. The cycle is vicious, and it's poisoning us. We torture each other, endlessly, tirelessly, until both of us said: "Let's torture each other until we die."

Until my heart tells me: "Let the torture lives on. It just seemed to be impossible for me to live on without her now." So I set out to find my own enemies in my mind that keep telling me to breakup and call it an end once in for all. I swing my sword in such a perfect manner and grace that I lost myself in the battle. And here I go, I scream at the top of my voice every night and day...and every morning when I wake, I tell myself to repeat the same mistake, over and over and over and over again.

Every night, this time, this hour, this minute, I fall at your feet. Your finger of blame waves around in an erratic motion, and sometimes it will turn upon itself. Then you will start to cry. Your tears rain down on me, like jewels falling from the heaven. And you started to go psycho. You are having illusions, suddenly. You wield your words in a smart and accountable fashion. I believe them. I were worried, and I were happy, and then I were lost. Then there I was, you unveil the seemingly 'understandable' truth that it's just a conjured image of yours. I get furious, I get disappointed and I get angry. And then when the fury recedes, I am back to my role as a dog, bowing to you every minute when you need me to.

I resisted, and I gave up. Every now and then we struggle to get the hold of each other. Existence itself is redefined. We are meant to be. We are meant to exist together while tormenting each other.

Until the hour came that I decided to end it all for good. Am I doing the right thing? Am I actually solving the problem in the right way? I don't know. I love her. I love her with the whole of my heart. I started this call of relationship with good deeds. I keep wondering, why am I on a no man's land while I have so many plans at start that seem to execute perfectly? What are our problems? There are a thousand questions to answer, and none of them I have any clue. You told me, if we love each other enough, then 'torture' itself is actually an enjoyment rather than sadness and burden. But it has been a burden to me. Is it true? That I love you not enough?

Am I even close to close this up after you decided to change your msn and phone number? Every now and then I will 'accidentally' stumble upon your photos here and there and everywhere. Every now and then I will have this regret that I should have not broken up with you in the first place. But what is the regret for since I answered you 'no' continuously, three times in a row? It is unacceptable for me to revoke my own action d, right? Even if I plan to, what will become of us? Set out to destroy each other again? Or we will actually do it right this time, rest if off, grow up and love one another like any other loving couple? Is it possible?

My heart weeps, when the night is late and the sun seems like it will never rise again. I try so hard to sleep it off, and then when I did it it would be at least 5 or 6 in the morning. I will wake up at 4 pm later, watching hopelessly as the sun sets. Night falls again and I am off wandering in circles, again and again and again.

I ought to wake up. Somebody wakes me up. Or, am I actually dreaming? Is this just another magic trick conjured by you? I don't know anymore.

-

Monday, September 15, 2008

九月天

把一切關係和溝通都切斷,這就是你的選擇嗎。
也對,我們彼此那么投入,彼此那么的用心過,我們的影子里嵌印著彼此的點點滴滴。我們之間,擁有的太多,扭一扭頭,到處都是彼此之間的記憶。

你選擇了,我的世界也灰了。我失去了一切希望,給自己的藉口,什麽都是假的,只有你的離去是最真實的。

我 開始在想,可能,這是我們彼此之間最好的協定。沒有了你,我不會老盯著電腦螢幕,在尋找著你的蹤影。想你的時候,又忍不住發信息給你,就好像你說的,又 去撥動你的心跳。你的生活,因為我的自私而永遠都走不出陰霾。我們兩個天天都在問彼此到底是什麽問題。你的問題,我還是不敢和你說,怕傷害你。我的問題, 我承認了,可是你老覺得我還是沒告訴你什麽,所以大家都一直在猜疑,一直在磨磨蹭蹭。你是怕,我們一輩子都這樣子吧。嗯,我也在想,這樣子來看,你的決定 的確是準確而適應情況的。

我中了你的毒,你也中了我的毒。我可以在有你的情況下繼續生存下去,可是你卻是不能的。我務必有這個責任讓你 走,讓你好好的療傷,讓你好好的過生活。這才 是我,我作為最後一個負起責任的最後一件事吧。既然我把責任攬在身上,那我應該咬著牙,繼續往這條路走下去,讓你過得好好,不要再讓自己成為你的困擾。

希望,當我不再是你的困擾的時候,你會以我為傲。

我 現在身無寸鐵,說什麽以我為傲呢。。。我是不是太天真了些。所以,從這一刻開始,我要讓你知道,你可以以我為傲。我會很努力,讓自己往更高更高的方向攀 爬。這個九月份的這一個晚上,我突然十分的五月天。想起了他們的‘牙關’,他們的‘倔強’。我會咬緊牙關,繼續漂流,在巔峰上徘徊,直到哪一天什麽時候, 你會想起我這個人,向你身邊的人說,這個人,你認識。

那,我就很滿足了。今天,我失去了你,可是我一定,一定一定要拿下我可以拿的。一直攀爬,往巔峰上的巔峰在繼續前進。

前進,永往直走,永往高爬。

-

Monday, September 08, 2008

給我的天使,甄

珮甄,生日快樂!!其實,我很期待這一刻的。可是,今晚,你把我的心情給降落了。可是我還是希望我可以給你帶來歡樂。和你在一起,你不開心的時候太多了,這對身體不好,特別你這段時間又要考試,身子也有問題。

今天,你二十二歲了,我只停留在二十一這個數字上。感覺上大家都老了,只是你老一點。老實說,最近也覺得自己變沉悶了,做完了事情回到寢室,累得象一條狗,心思都不愿意花了,理虧的是我,這肯定。對自己的女朋友,沒有理由不花心思的吧。

想想,我其實是一個極其懶惰的傢伙。雖然人家說,我要去花一丁點心思,費的只是一些腦力,卻只有我自己知道,我是一個完美主義者。要設計一個驚奇,我需要巨量的安排和時間還有心思,所以,珮甄,我對不起你。這一點我承認,我老了,也變得有點,不好玩了吧。

你的理由有根據,我的理由一塌糊涂。我托你為我老媽買禮物,而我把你看做親人,卻沒有托任何人買禮物,這也說不過去吧。要是一個男人像我這種田地,在敲著自己的腦袋問自己到底在做什麽的時候,是不是,我應該好好反省,好好讓你有屬於你自己的天空,一片沒有我的天空?

什麽時候我不浪漫了。什麽時候曾經覺得自己是浪漫情人的那個人,消失了?

深深地。那種感覺深深地,我知道,也明瞭,心底是對你有多么深厚的感情的。什麽時候我們兩個開始尷尬起來了,我也收斂了,你也容易懷疑了。

我希望至少今天,我們以歡笑慶祝你的生日。因為今天,我才擁有你。因為今天,我才有一個關懷愛我的人。因為今天,是屬於你的,也是屬於我的。我在反思,我在醒悟。

珮甄,生日快樂。我是愛你的。謝謝九月八日,這么一個特別的日子,給我帶來了一個我生命中特別的天使。而這個天使,卻被我無意中剪去了雙翼。如果可以,我要讓你開開心心,不再憂悒,不再傷心,不再哭泣,以我畢生的能力賦予你。

生日快樂!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Hokkien

My goodness. Never underestimate Hokkien. It's a globally spoken dialect among the chinese immigrants in the whole world, but we seem to ignore its importance due to the proliferation of the Cantonese language by media. Even a lot of us thought that Cantonese is more global than Hokkien.

This is proven wrong these few months, by myself, in Hong Kong. You guys know that Hong Kong is the major source of proliferating Cantonese media and Cantonese-speaking people. Even if your dad and mum are Hokkien, you will convert to Cantonese because that's the tongue the locals use to communicate. But even here, in Hong Kong, there are a lot of hidden locals (yes, they are born in Hong Kong) who actually master Hokkien and Teochew fluently.

I am very, very surprised.

I am not surprised by my supervisor from my intern company because he obviously has a tongue mixed between Hokkien and Cantonese. I once asked him why is that so and he said he moved from Hokkien to Hong Kong about ten years ago. Well, that's acceptable. But I really got shocked when I was buying food at my uni food court nearby, which all its employees are 100% Honkies, caught me off guard by talking Hokkien to me suddenly. This is really astonishing. Because at that moment I was talking to a Penangnite with Hokkien and then she interfered in the middle with fluent Hokkien. That, is a huge surprise.

But the ultimate surprise came to me not more than a few hours ago. I was celebrating with my colleagues after work. On the way we ride on MTR and suddenly I caught that guy, who is 4 years my senior and a definite locally born Honkie speaking Hokkien fluently. Then both of us start to communicate using pure Hokkien (not Penang Hokkien, lol), leaving all the other colleagues in shock because they never knew too. I am so, so, so, so surprised.

There are a few more cases, but I will leave that to the future posts if I actually have the mood to write them anyway. The lesson? Hokkien works everywhere. Knowing Hokkien and finding a person who actually speaks it in a foreign place tightens the bond between that person and you almost instantaneously. Of course, Hokkien here I mean the Min Nan dialect, which comprises of Hokkien of Quanzhou, Hokkien of Zhangzhou and Teochew. Do not discard your mother tongue if you think that nobody really cares about speaking Hokkien. Well, I can prove to you, actually a lot of people care.

And ya, about the proliferated Cantonese spoken nowadays, it is not what it is years ago. It is what I call modern Cantonese and actually Honkies don't speak the Cantonese we know nowadays about 70 years ago. And yes, I will blog about that. It is too long a story to tell in this blogpost alone.

For you guys punya information, I gonna start posting a continuing series of posts called 淺談華文 (Gliding through the Chinese Language) which will focus on dialects, origin of dialects, difference between Teochew, Zhangzhou Hokkien, Quanzhou Hokkien & Penang Hokkien, origin of the modern Cantonese, the connection between Cantonese, Hakka, Hokkien and Mandarin, the Min Bei language (Hokchiu), the role of Min Nan language and Cantonese in history, the origin of the putonghua we are taught these days and many many more. In fact, I have been doing a lot of research by myself since Upper Six. I guess it's time I try to at least realize them into words because I think it will be really helpful to you guys and the language researchers outside as well. Well, really, it's not boring. I never research boring stuff on dialects haha. Let you guys in on one of the interesting things i have been thinking and researching about: What is actually 'beh'? Why we have this 'beh' word so widely used and can we actually write it out in Chinese word? Then why do Taiwanese say 'beh' in a different tone? Did you notice that? Why is that so?

Haha maybe I will discuss on that one first. It depends on my thought and mood actually, hehe.

Anyways, time to catch a sleep. And yea, respect your mother tongue. And be sure you teach it to your kids because it is what identifies you and your offspring of our ancestral origin. And it is practically useful when you are doing business outside Malaysia, especially. Imagine you are dealing business with a Honkie and suddenly both of you found out that you guys speak Hokkien. What a miraculous deal it will turn out to be!

It is a blessing. Be proud of Hokkien. Be proud of the Min Nan dialect.


Friday, August 15, 2008

Crash

In Hong Kong, I think there's always this sense of hype in the air. At first you won't see it. You can't even notice its presence. Not even when it catches you in its net. Honkies live by it. Honkies have no clue bout it too.

It's the vibes that make the whole city deserted. Deserted of culture, and the sense of belong and coziness.

In this city, people bump into one another all the time. Simple. It's because there's no way that you can walk straight in a street, unless you are in the New Territories. In Hong Kong, if you keep quiet more than 5 minutes in a one-to-one conversation, that Honkie will think that you are just a nobody who can't compete at all. All right, I might as well list the hidden principles behind the huge concrete jungle I am living in now:-

1) To live as a true Honkie, you must be super fluent in Cantonese but that is not enough. The real element is 'keep talking'. Yes you get me. If you can put on an individual talkshow for more than 2 hours alone you are an amateur. A professional can do it for 8 hours. Believe it or not. I had myself a few occasions bumped into amateur Honkies who just can't stop bragging. The whole process, I can't even have the chance to speak a word. Or rather, I don't feel like spelling an 'A' also.

2) You must unlearn whatever you know of outside Hong Kong. You read Jane Austen? C'mon...people in Hong Kong read about their movie stars' ugly news, not some simple and uncanny stuff like 'Pride and Prejudice'. Talk to one of them about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I am sure nobody even cares about what you are talking about. How pathetic you are. (well I mention George Orwell, Haruki Murakami in my office a few times too, even to my classmates...guess what...nobody knows and nobody cares).

3) You must know every single game that comes from Japan. And yes, every single jap line that the character says as well. Coz, guess what, they will keep teasing each other with those stuff no matter where...be it at work or in university. And of course, you must know how to game too.

4) You must know how to complain. Complaining is a fashionable trend in Hong Kong. Everywhere you go, if you have any beh syiok, just complain till you feel satisfied. Trust me, these Honkies are great at complaining. It is a city of complaints. No matter how good the government is.

5) You must know how to think that a person who is listening to you 'lecturing' doesn't know a shit what you are talking bout. For example, this girl laughed at a Malaysian saying: Oh, of course you dunno wat a frog is...you never even seen one...And that Malaysian goes: Errrrrrr...I think I even catch one before. Honkie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IMPOSSIBLE!

6) You must know how to talk on phone all the while. I mean it. Toilet, during breaks, lunch, dinner, waiting for bus, on the mtr, while you are dating your girl/guy...etc. On all those occasion, would you please, take out your mobile phone and call someone up? Thank you.

7) You must be hypersensitive. Anything that comes across you, you must react three times the effect back. For example, the bus driver said to you: Hey you! You haven't paid yet!...Ok, here's what you shud do. You stand in the doorway of the bus, blocking all the other customers, and then you started grumbling, protesting and shouting until every single soul around you got totally hyped up enough to join you.

8) Know how to be a couch potato and keep talking at the same time.

9) Know how to discriminate everyone other than true Honkies.

I can't list them all. Let's discuss a bit of the effects of those 9 rules on me. Because of rule no. 1, 无线, the Hong Kong biggest broadcasting studio, had all of its commentators (8 to 9 of them) who are responsible in commentaries of the live Olympic events talk at the same time and......non-stop. It's so fucking annoying and noisy. Well, take this to another level...imagine you are living with these people around you everyday.

Because of no. 2, I feel so sad. I even had a lot of people laughing at me because I read 'Wuthering Heights' or 'Hamlet'. My goodness. And I am no gamer. Especially those Gundam shit that Honkies enjoy playing so much.

I seldom complain. And I got a lot of 'professional' Honkies thinking that I am a dumb fool because I am supposed to not know about 'frog', 'company auditing' and a lot more that I happen to forget at this moment. My God. I guess none of you who read this post knows how to react to Honkies too, right?

And yes, you have to pray to God for a healthy body if you believe that radiowave will cause cancer. These honkies talk on phone non-stop. Unbelievable!

Sighz. So, convince me, do I have to believe that Hong Kong will be the internationally acclaimed leading city of China? Nope I don't think so. Beijing people are far better. At least Chinese Malaysians are way better too.

Pathetic Hong Kong. Pathetic Honkies.

P/S: A quote from Crash: I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.


Saturday, August 09, 2008

李思雅TVB的噪音和無知旁述

本人已經到了忍無可忍的境界了。在奧運這么盛大的節目里,竟然冒出了一個叫李思雅的無知主持,就只會拾人牙慧,抑或是發表一大堆令人莫名其妙的意見,實在是啼笑皆非!

曾幾何時,無線電視臺的人才開始凋零。

香港的娛樂圈的素質,也真的降落了很多。直到前一代的演員們,歌手們,還有主持們退休的時候,就是香港娛樂圈末日的到臨。相信這一天不久我們就會見證了。

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Good shoes won't save you this time!

I always love this song. Love it until I sang it out aloud in Choi Hung MTR Station (彩虹) in Hong Kong a few times, having people around me shocked or making fun of me. But that's the spirit of this song haha! I always feel like dancing to its tune and rhyming its lyrics! Such a freaking meaningful song it is.

Well just wanna share it with you guys. This song always have the magic to portray my feelings. Long live Lost Prophets!



One, two,
One, two, three, four...

I'm sure I've seen this look before
Done a thousand times and a million more
How many lies did You tell this time?
How many times did You cross the line?
It won't help me, but I have to ask
Is there something real that's behind the mask?
Something true we don't know about?
A little faith in amongst the doubt

And maybe someday you will grow
Maybe someday you will know
Maybe someday you will end these fears and go

A little piece of me grows old
I keep on walking down this road
I've seen a million people change
But I will stay the same
and i know you, (Know you, know you,)
always steal and borrow
and i know you, (Know you, know you,)
never catch, you're never gonna catch tomorrow

I'm sure I've played this scene before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I'm sure I used to hold your hand
Did I hurt you?
All this atittude with no history
All this anger when you're attacking me
Got a lot to learn and you need to know
That your time is up kid, let it go

Maybe someday you will grow
Maybe someday you will know
Maybe someday you will end these tears and go

A little piece of me grows old
I keep on walking down this road
I've seen a million people change
But I will stay the same
and I know you, (Know you, know you,)
always steal and borrow
and I know you, (Know you, know you,)
Never catch, you're never gonna catch tomorrow

Never gonna catch tomorrow

A little piece of me grows old
I keep on walking down this road
I've seen a million people change
But I will stay the same
And I know you, (Know you, know you,)
Always steal and borrow
And I know you, (Know you, know you,)
Never catch tomorrow

Yeah the haircuts hot
But this has gotta stop
Good shoes won't save you this time
I think your gonna find with everything combined
that the Time's running out on this lie (This lie)

And I know you, (Know you, know you,
Always steal and borrow
And I know you , (Know you, know you,)
Never catch, you're never gonna catch tomorrow

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

In Memory of Randy Pausch

Well, first of all, I am sure I will get some critics (or maybe more than I imagine) for that blogpost written in chinese. A rather bizarre phenomena, isn't it, for the reason that most of my blog readers (currently 100% to date) are chinese. Lol.

Let the personal opinions of my own stay. This post is meant for some other stuff which is more important, something which I think I should share with you guys and the whole world (those that have not learnt of it) but it is really, mainly for you guys. Thankfully, it's in English. Yea it is. ;-)

Ask me what inspire me these days? The way to live life. The way that one learns to be loving but insensible at the same time. God I got a lot on the list that goes forever on and on. But I can definitely assure you, I consider my words are of no importance to all of you, unless I have enough experience and gone through enough hardship to convince you.

What about words from a dying man (well he passed away on July 25th, 2008, a few days ago)? An influential professor in the field of Computer Science, Randy Pausch, inherited his will and his way of living life as a happy and aspiring man, through his last lecture on "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams". (The links lead to his biography and the introduction to his lecture in Wikipedia)

He talks about his goals, his childhood dreams; He then talks about how he works toward enabling the dreams of other people and; lastly, he talks about the lessons he learned from the people around him throughout his life.

I might as well let you guys experience this dynamic talk by yourself. I laugh, I fall into deep thoughts, I tear, and I truly understand how a man is supposed to be after I listen to this lecture. I believe I have not chewed most of the lecture material enough to compile the lessons into my own words, but I will put some efforts into letting you guys on some of the snippets that inspire me:-

"Syl said, it took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy. And I thought back to my bachelor days and I said, damn."

"Remember brick walls let us show our dedication. They are there to separate us from the people who don’t really want to achieve their childhood dreams. Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap."

"Work hard. I got tenure a year early as Steve mentioned. Junior faculty members used to say to me, wow, you got tenure early. What’s your secret? I said, it’s pretty simple. Call my any Friday night in my office at ten o’clock and I’ll tell you."

"Find the best in everybody. One of the things that Jon Snoddy as I said told me, is that you might have to wait a long time, sometimes years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out."

"And be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity."

Well, no more shit, let's get to the lecture live. By the way guys, I have the video downloaded, equipped with a subtitle in chinese which imho is translated in a very accurate and flawless tone by 朱學恒. And I got the lecture's powerpoint (around 12 Mb) plus the transcript of the whole lecture in pdf (248 kb). The video itself is in wmv format and is about 252 Mb. If any of you guys are interested, contact me over msn and I will send you a copy.

In the memory of Randy Pausch, let us learn this life's lesson from him hard core. May him rest in peace, and the great teachings of his stay with everyone of us in our darkest hours and happiest moment, all the time and all the while. Thank you, Randy, for all of these! May God bless you and your family!



Visit Randy's own website here: Carnegie Mellon University: Randy Pausch's Web Site

Sunday, August 03, 2008

風的孩子

以前的世界我們都不知道是什麽樣子。

就像以前的生物,以前的世界,以前的文明;就算孕育我們的祖先的中國,以前的話語也無人知曉。我們隨波逐流,我們在時間里無窮無盡的河流,勉強地抓住了不知道是不久之前的,還是遠古的文化的稻穗。

當 時間慢慢過去,沉淀的心情還有世故的變化,都在一種自己無法了解和捕捉的意識空間里醞釀著。毗鄰自己的一片灌木的樣子似乎沒什麽大變化,可是我的心境似乎 變了。呼吸的節奏變了。很多故事被敘述的時候,往往都有那么的一段:變不回去了;或者是:太久遠了,以前的仿佛是影子,似有似無。

可是好像那種感覺還在吧。深深抑鬱著的痛楚、遠處來自金黃色草原的輕鬆低吟、祖先們在北方遊牧的時候吃過的狼食、埋在危機反射裡的獸性。我們都在不知不覺中生活在一堆自遠古傳承下來而藏在基因裡的信息中。我們不斷地在發掘。

共存,真的是不可能的嗎?

我們和大自然,不可共存嗎?其實,把範圍縮小一些,那西方世界和東方世界呢?大家能共存嗎?基督教和回教,大家能共存嗎?自由主義和共產主義,不能共存嗎?

再把範圍縮到最小,到了今天,似乎已慢慢演變到男人和女人都難以共存了。我們的世界,真的就在慢慢地沉入腐海裡了嗎?號稱文明者,號稱高智慧動物的我們,已經從以前的團結走到今天的逐漸散落。我們的世界,變成了什麽樣子呢?

最近閱讀了Zi Yun的blog (大家可以在右欄裡鍵連),附帶閱讀了令她憤怒的那篇文章,我不禁有一種深深的悲痛。我不由的沉思。我的心裡似乎一直都有一個答案漂游著。一種朦朧的感覺,情景,概念。

在 令到Zi Yun憤怒的文章里,我看到了作家的一種少年方剛的氣憤。我仿佛看到了以前的我,有些許惆悵起來。以前的我,難道不是對愛情充滿著無數的,數不盡的原則還 有不可扭曲的論述?那種不可一世的態度,那種鄙視人間的精神,那種恨不得手中掌有生死之權的咒語,難道不是以前的我的寫照?當自己把自己埋藏在書堆裡,閱 讀了無數作家的滔滔大論,變得似乎些許驕恃起來了,好像自己擁有了男人的弱點,抑或是女人的強處,抑或是人類的醜陋,抑或是扭曲事實的手段,還有無數的抑 或。是無數的,因為雖然主心思想不會改變,但是充斥著生活的原則時不時的在變化著。

今天的我,有一個結論。那種態度是不健康的,是一種會反噬的態度。反噬的時候,那種痛苦入骨的程度似乎不比令狐沖忍受‘吸星大法’的反噬少,因為這種反噬是潛意識的,當自己發現的時候,往往就是末期的時候,它像癌症一樣,隱藏著。

我走入歧途過。我曾在一片充滿虛假的原則架構里生活過。我曾經嘗試背叛以前的自己。大家敢問自己,難道沒有那一個充滿殺機的時候嗎?

我 在尋找,到底這種腐敗的思想,怎么連社會所謂的受過教育的我們也會蒙蔽自己的眼睛?當人類們都在說西藏的人權問題的時候,就沒有人見到背後的陰謀?在中國 當局盡力解釋西藏的自由的時候,難道他們沒有看到自己的殘暴?事情都有兩面,事情也可能不止兩面。我們沒有權利去述說西藏是否應該獨立,抑或是美國的自由 主義是最崇高的。我只能說,我們人類應該做的是,不斷的尋找一個和平的共處方案。利益可能受到迫害,那就繼續談下去。任何一種突變的形式都會令到人民受到 大損失。當初蘇聯的瓦解,在今天禍亂重重的俄羅斯里,我們看到了什麽?在當初美國政府無情的暗殺美國境里的共產黨主義者,那我們看到了什麽?自由主義倡導 的人人自由,那相信共產主義就是錯,就不可以?還得趕盡殺絕?

我衷心的勸一勸這位仁兄,有時候試著和平解決吧。

我不排斥 自己有偏激的一面。在外邊的世界逗留了這么久,和無數不同的國度的人們交談過,交心過。大夥兒坐下來一起過冬,吃酒,談著不同國度里不同的文化,大家也難 免爭吵,對一種主意,一種想法,一種倡導,十個人,有的想法不下二十個吧。可是我可以斷定,我們都是愉快的。大家都覺得大家的眼界開闊了。我因為了解了西 方人的放蕩不羈而覺得有一種遼闊的感覺慢慢的滋長在自己的生命中;西方人何嘗不是驚嘆于東方人的自律還有勤勞和執著?我們大家口頭上都是喋喋不休的,可是 心底下都不由得有一絲絲的動心。

可以說,從此以後,我的人生漫漫的改變了。

那愛情呢?Zi Yun和那位仁兄都似乎不認同男人的背叛還有女人們的從容,甚至媽媽的慫恿。一些詛咒的言語也因此出現了。這,真的是事情的全面嗎?

我本人認為香港是一個文化沙漠。哈哈,可是這不是主題。我生活的大學里,可是很多令我驚訝的世界。這裡收攬了世界各地的人才,這裡,也有著無數的情侶因為際遇而撞擊出來的火花。

我 見到了一對香港情侶,天天生活在一起,可是他們都沒想過結婚,也認為本身對生活的追求是獨立的,也沒去想過承諾,也沒想過未來。他們就是那么的生活在一 起;我見到過一對來自西方國家和另一個來自中東國家的情侶。他們摒棄自己的宗教文化背景生活在一起,他們互相包涵,也不提之間的文化差異,還有宗教要求。 他們也天天生活在一起,他們也沒想過未來,沒想過結婚;我見到過一對來自中國的情侶。他們兩個來自不同的省份,說著不同的方言,卻因為學術環境還有共同的 普通話而認識,結交,生活在一起。他們對彼此有山盟海誓,有承諾,也希望自己能和彼此終老。他們堅定,他們奮鬥;我也見過來自不同國度的情侶,也見過遠距 離戀愛的情侶。每個人都來自不同的國度,擁有不同的語言,思想,甚至不同的時間。

我見到了很多驚人的事實,我見到了很多對愛情不同的看 法,我見到了很多不同的文化的衝擊和緩和。在一段愛情里,成分太多,沒有人能保證什麽。我本人對事業很執著,對愛情相對的也不怎么介意了。有的人對愛情執 著,不允許背叛。我也見到了有些人出軌了,到最後兩人和好了,也一起終老的情侶和我談起了以前的事故。

我在想,人類,是何其的奇妙和美 麗。我們都擁有著億萬個不同的想法。不說其他人,就說說自己吧。誰敢說自己從以前到現在的想法是一致的?我們都生活在一條河裡,一條被風御著的河流。我們 周圍的光景有時一樣,有時卻是截然的不同。我們的前方擁有著不同的礁石,不知明的轉彎。我們也遇到無數的分岔路。我們遇到不同的人,不同的文化,不同的想 法,甚至是不同的生物。我們聚合,我們分散。

我遇到無數不同語言的人。我遇到無數思想截然廻異的人。

我只能說,人,抑或是動物,大家不應該忘記植物。植物們都有一種奇異的力量。它們不正面交鋒,它們都在慢慢的融合,如果融合不了,就共存。它們的生命最脆弱,可是它們是大自然,還有一切生命的泉源。它們可以以一千年,一萬年,一億年的時間來融合彼此的差異。

難道我們人類注定是滅絕的動物?我們慢慢的忘記了共存的意義。我們也慢慢的忘記為什麽當初人類團結的原因。我們因為擁有炮彈而覺得自己強大,擁有詛咒的力量而覺得自己是崇高的,沒錯的。因為自己擁有了一些操縱自然的力量而把自己當作神。

我 們,何嘗不是最悲哀的?連男人和女人都在戰爭的時候,當我們國度里的種族互相鄙視,互相殘殺,互相吞是彼此的時候,我不禁的在想,我們的希望在哪裡?我們 的下一餐飯,是不是虛假的,沒有意義的?是不是在什麽地方有人默默的死了而把怨恨拋給世人?是不是有人在某個地方壯烈的死了,而認為自己的無比崇高是永遠 正確的?

我很傷感。

我的朋友們,和我一起在遠離自己的家鄉,遠離自己祖先的地方在流浪,遠離自己熟悉的文化和語言在打 拼,奔走,漂泊的朋友們。。。我們,是在以前自己的社會里被人稱為精英的人物。我們不應該放棄在人世間還存在的情理。我們不應該認為共存是不可能的;我們 不應該因為一些自己認為崇高的原則還有一些宗教的釋義而奪取另一個人,甚至另一種生物的生命。我相信,在這個時候,大家都在努力地為世界做一些事情。我相 信,我們不應該以詛咒,還有殺戮為出發點。在這個時候,我們應該為共存的空間奮鬥下去。

我不知道我們之間任何一個人的明天是怎么樣的。可 是就算有一個人走入了歧途還有黑暗之中,我希望你能夠相信你可以把他帶出來,而不是詛咒他,殺死他。如果你認為這個人的思想不正確,那第一件事是溝通。真 的不能共存嗎?如果對方是真的在黑暗的那一方,我求你,不要放棄他。不要詛咒他。要盡力的幫助他,因為你可能就是那唯一一個可以救他的人,也可能是唯一一 個看到他的錯誤,他的悲痛的人。

我們都有害怕的那一面,都有怕被傷害的那一面。可是,難道東西都不是共存的嗎?請想想,因為有了害怕,所以我們才知道如何勇敢起來因為有了黑暗,所以我們知道光明的好處。 如果,如果。。。如果我們的世界還有社會處於一種沒有毒品,沒有戰爭,沒有乞丐,沒有淪落人士,沒有搶劫,強奸,沒有任何一切罪犯的國度里,我無法想象, 那個時候,如果我們向彼此說起‘罪’這一個字的時候,大家都無法明白的搖起頭來的那種情形是多么的悲哀。如果世界里的情侶沒有一個背叛,沒有一個出軌事 件,我相信很多人會慢慢的對愛情這一個觀念失去新鮮感,甚至不會珍惜自己的伴侶。難道,你們不是因為你們認為你們遇到了值得讓你犧牲的另一半而開心嗎?就 是因為愛情的世界里充滿著背叛,所以當我們找到對的人,對的感覺還有忠誠的另一半,我們都會很感謝上天,很珍惜自己的愛人。

罪惡和我們所謂的‘正道’,是共存的。沒有彼此,彼此都生存不了。

我們,都是風的孩子。在風的輕撫,風的漩渦里,我們見到了暴風雨,見到了黑暗,也見到了遼闊的草原,常綠的山崖。風的孩子們,都見到了共存的重要性,共存的必然性。

我們漂泊,我們奮鬥,我們相信。爲了長吹的風,還有持恒的共存,讓我們都飛翔起來。

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

City of Devils V - The Awakening

Man once sang to me
Look at you saving the world on your own
And I wonder how things gonna be
As the time here it passes so slow

The sad guitar riffs go on and on. The streets are crowded with lost hope and misdirection.

I am looking away no more as the angry devils arch over the innocence. I do not seek to throw myself into flames, only that I seek the fire that burns me down when you fall into one and fight me.

Fight me, fight me harsh and fight me real.
Fight me true and with all my will, I will purge you.

Sword unsheathed, sorrows lamented and eyes fixed. The glare is of all but fear.

I will march, when the first distant war cry sounds over the battlefield. And charge forward I shall, in an absolute silent yet confident manner, like a pack of wolves sweeping down from the top of the ancient mogul snow mountains.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Change

Since when did we forget that the simplest words are the most understandable, and the most comprehensible? Since when are we engulfed by the angry waves of terminology, overwhelming torrents of ------ we are unable to stand our ground by allowing more money spent on the oil prices which have fallen a fourth straight session as fears lingered that record prices are forcing consumers to cut consumption-like ------ words spelt.

We cannot. Because we don't understand a lot of the words you are using. You use ambiguous words, you use political terms which require us to actually flip through the dictionary (dictionaries?) to actually comprehend what you have on your mind. You deceive us with your words, and your words are tossed all around, they are heard everywhere, but nobody cares. The university educated locals don't care because most of them might not even know a shit of what you are bragging about. They only need your money. Local university educated Chinese and Indians are listening, and everytime they listen, they shake their heads, and their hopes lost. We, those who are away from the country, we listen, and we comment. But everytime before our keyboards or pens start to scribble, we think of the three mighty letters: ISA.

Malaysia is not wrong. Malaysian government is not wrong. It's the leaders, the political leaders who we vote for, who we actually vote, and with each vote we think that they will do something for us, because, supposingly, they can!

On the way towards their own pockets and pride, they lost themselves. But we don't care. But you guys fucking make the whole country lost. Nationwide, everybody is scared. We are all afraid, we fear what might come next. We fear one of our future daughters might be raped and killed by one of our leaders, who we actually vote for. We fear that our kids will be forced to succumb under the one and only legitimate religion in the country, which the government legalize for the only wish to assimilate.

We cannot do a thing. Or rather, we fucking won't do anything for a nation that forsakes us.

Today, even a person who always happen to just take the leaders' words for nothing is crying out loud here in Hong Kong. Most of us are in a state of unrest now. The emotions stir as the doom of our own lands seem not far off.


Just watched 3 episodes of 'Change', the latest japanese drama by Takuya Kimura which is based a touching and moving storyline revolving about a primary school teacher being 'accidentally' pushed into the political waves and soon ascend to the chair of Prime Minister. Being an innocent person, he searches his own soul for the real purpose of being a politician. He said he dunno all the terms the politicians use, but he knows that he at least knew something all along: he is on the same line with his people.

When will Malaysians have such a leader? My heart tells me: unlikely to be in the near future. Well, if I gonna make a wish for Malaysia now, I will say this: Anwar, try to change things but you please don't fucking mess things up. You can bring a 180 degrees change to Malaysian politics, but don't just tell us your promises. Do them. And be fair to the minorities.

A nation that does not respect minorities is a nation doomed to go downhill. Look at Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Philippines...when we see their economies grow, we can't stop wondering: what the fuck is wrong with our government? What the fuck are they doing?

The fuck is, do they even know? All Malaysians need a change. A change larger than the magnitude of a 10 Richter's scale earthquake.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Wei Zhi the Legend

You made every one of us smile, with that lame but funny jokes of yours.
You are a goalseeker, though you lose your strength at times, you never lost sight of what you are going to achieve ultimately.
You bring us wonders, instilling hopes and strength and motivation when your best friends need them the most.

Cheers to you, my best friend, Wei Zhi. Today, you mark the 22nd year of your life dedicated to helping your friends and creating a better community. Keep up the effort, dude.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRABSTICK!!

Before you make your wish, let me make mine for you first, hehe. Kinda stealing the limelight, eh? Haha. Well well well, the list goes:

1) Hack the heck!
  • Yes you definitely need this shit. Trust me. Like what I told you over and over again, you have the POTENTIAL. Just fucking believe in yourself man. You can be a real unbeatable man when you work your arse up to your shoulders. Just don't get it too high into your head. ;-)
2) Wear your tyre off!

  • Well it actually mean: get healthy by exercising more. Ya ya ya...I know I don't have the right to comment you on this but I just can't help noticing you crab tyre is always three sizes bigger than mine. Work your bones, man! You need the fitness to be an engineer who engineers the world.
3) Hit the bull's eye

  • Yeap. Get outgoing. Get aggresive. Get adventurous and tackle her. You can do it dude. I am waiting to see you holding a girl's hand dearly for a long long time d you know haha. But...ahem! Don't be a 重色輕友 guy like who you were during the wxyz period or like me lol. Bad examples. Bad, bad, bad.
Haha three wishes are just enough for you dude. I will indeed give you my best wishes on everything. And ya, thanks so much. I never will forget that you ran to your uni lab from your house just to talk to your friend who fell into deep hell. I can never be so thankful in my whole life. I always remember the tears that stay in my eyes that day.

You are the best thing in each and every one of your best friends' lives. So, do your best dude!

Happy 22nd Birthday! Be a man and keep up the effort! ^^

Sunday, June 22, 2008

珮甄

終於明白了,病態的要求你不要分手會讓自己更受傷。所以決定不說了。我們的確也有很多不相襯的地方。我以前想過要分手,到了真的分手的這一刻,我突然很傷感很崩潰。可能習慣了你的存在。當你在我的心中失去了以前的那個稱呼的時候,我也突然失去了重量。

我不會決定什麽。不會像你一樣丟掉我們的東西。我會惦記你。你的味道,你的頭髮,你的可愛笑容。

聽著傷心的歌,想著以後自己在遠走高飛的日子,突然覺得世界只剩下自己。

一直以來自己都是一隻獨狼,天涯海角任自己逛。原來自己的心裡一直都有你在。一直我都想帶著你來著。

以後的日子就做以後打算吧。我是一個流浪人。一直流浪,一直一直,直到天涯海角。也許有一天在我突然想起你的時候我才是已經忘了你吧,可是我沒有忘記,你忘了還我我的心。這是一種刻骨銘心的痛。永遠永遠。

永遠不會遏止。

我一直嘗試讓自己的肉體痛來忘記心中的疼。一天又一天,一天又一天,一天又一天。

直到哪一天飛機降落在一個陌生的所在。

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Battling Pain

Who will prevail??? Me or you???

Lemme tell u something, I basked in the golden fire during my reincarnation in 2004, having endured the most immense heat of my whole life. Since then I know nothing of a combat that will wear me off.

But you are becoming the one who can actually challenge me to my death. Suddenly I feel that I am in a situation similar to Jiraiya. I am fighting you, Pain, who has six different bodies.

May Amaterasu be with me. This will be the toughest war ever. I will never give up, even when I am drawing my last breath I will still make sure my blade inches towards your throat. You may think that I am out of my mind. You may think that I am just another waste that go against you.

But one thing is for sure, no matter what is the outcome, I win, because I have surpassed myself. I have slaughtered four of you today. I will make damn sure I will see the other two of you perish in front of me by Saturday. Mind my words. You have your warning.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sharingan Upgraded

Yes, you are not reading wrongly. Weeks after I activated my Sharingan sight, I finally come to realize something is wrong with my sharingan.

Not really that something is wrong. But rather something is burning.

And here it comes, the art of Amaterasu. A black flame which will engulf the enemy till he is burnt to death, just by a glance of the eyes.

But it strains me badly. After I use it I will be rendered physically devastated. How to obtain this art of the eye? Easy. Sleep only like 2 hours per day and fight your battle through endless sleepless nights. When the sky falls dark on you, you will see the dawn of Amaterasu.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Overhaul

Full concentration required.

Gonna get over those subjects in plain few days. Assignments are pretty much done.

Been a long, long time since I work my bones. And read too. Aiks. Summer gonna be the only way out solution for these.

Exams haven't started but the mind is already on what to do in summer. I should stop dreaming. GOGOGO!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

心寒

自己雖然不喜歡廣東話與廣東人,這裡還是想以廣東話操這位無情的台灣人一句:仆街!屌你老母個西!蛋散!

這篇文章:“有話直說》中國地震,台灣熱乎什麽勁兒?”提出了什麽狗屁東西。。。說如果台灣人今天救了四川的人,以後可能今天所救的人會把台灣人給幹掉。。。這是何其怪異的道理呀?請問這位台灣人,還有那些推薦這篇文章的人們,你們的思維本身是不是出現了巨大的問題?

看得憤怒填膺的時候,也順便瀏覽了其他人的意見,見到了一位另一位台灣仁兄的文章(四川大地震還說風涼話,白目而冷血),覺得甚是有理:“你家鄰居失火了,反正他家存款有幾十億,房子又有保險,反正有燒不到你,所以不關你事?”。看了真是暢然啊。

大家同樣是漢族,我相信中國人也不會任意攻打台灣。想一想,你是中國中央的話,你會隨意向台灣發起戰爭嗎?對雙方不好又對自己大大失利的事情,中國不會做,況且都是自己同胞,福建湖南有著無數台灣人的祖鄉,自己打自己,笑死人了。

前幾天和老朋友談起中國,說起中國情操,他說了一句:“中國其實不把咱們海外華僑當作中國人啊。”, 讓我有無數的疑問。是不是我們祖輩離開了中國,血裡面流的不再是屬於華僑的血液了?為什麽當我們把自己當成華人時,卻認不到中國了?我相信我的老友不是其中一個。我們這班海外華人,馬來西亞的,新加坡的,泰國的,印尼的,美國的還有世界各地的,我們沒有自稱華人嗎?我們沒有用普通話抑或中國其中一個方言嗎?我們現在沒有親戚在中國嗎?

當然,活在當下我們是世界村民。我們應該對世界各地受災難所影響的人們伸出援手及關懷,可是畢竟很多時候我們做不到。本人認為,能向自己的同胞,同鄉,祖鄉及現在居住的國家的有需要人士伸出援手盡自己的一份力,已經是非常不簡單了。你們知道嗎,這么久以來,東南亞地區有發生華人大屠殺事件,中國都有偷偷派船隻來接走這些華人?五一三事件,中國有沒有扮演譴責的角色?暗地裡在泰國邊境也有派援,這些事情,馬來西亞政府不會告訴我們。馬來人不會告訴我們。牽涉的太廣,只有當事人才有消息。

老實說,真要這么舉證,我們才能夠去愛中國嗎?真的要刻意學習,我們才會愛中華文化嗎?我的華族同胞們,當我們自稱華族的時候,當我們在用著華語的時候,當我們在說著中華方言的時候,當我們在貢拜著中國道教的神明的時候,不要忘記我們的根。不要在我們被其他民族當成外族欺壓的時候才說,中國啊,幫我們說說話!不要在我們被其他民族欺壓的時候,以自己是華人的名義召集群眾,如果你平時把中國與華族看扁,不認同自己的根源與膚色。

是的,我討厭廣東文化及思想。可是,畢竟一百年以後連香港人也是在說著普通話了。我們都是華裔,都是屬於中華民族的。我們有責任肩負身為一個華人的基本態度及操行。我們有責任從一個人的角度去思考問題。

那些在台灣及其他地方推薦那篇文章的人們,你們最好不要再寫中文了。你們讓我覺得無比的噁心。你們不是華人,也不是台灣人。是的,我們上一代有國民黨及中共之戰,可是那時候何嘗不是各懷鬼胎?今天呢?大家面臨的是整個華族被威脅的命運,還要自搞內訌嗎?也想借此向某些香港居民發表一些意見:你們如果歧視中國,就別叫自己香港人。你們現在已經是在中國境內了。去到外面自稱香港人而厭惡中國人,這種行為太搞笑,太貽笑街坊了。

四川的人們需要我們。大家有錢出錢,有力出力。這裡我以一段視頻結尾。希望大家能盡己所能作出努力。中國加油!!!!!


Saturday, May 17, 2008

西川大地震,震醒了中華民族。

看到那么脆弱的混凝鋼筋結構在地震下應聲倒下,看到無數的孩子流的淚,看到無辜死亡的無數生命,我一次又一次的哭了。

歷史上差不多每件天災都涉及土木工程專業。雖然自己以前對土木工程的重要性十分了然,但是今天自己才真正了解自己肩負的責任有多重大。

每每看到溫家寶對營棚里被救出來的孩子們說:“你們能幸存下來,就要好好活下去。”,我就會哽咽,飯都吃不下去。

中國,你是中華民族的柱子與祖地,也是我心系的母國。我會為無數的亡魂祈禱,為自己未來的專業盡最大的努力,學到最好,然後奉獻給你。

中國加油!四川,撐下去!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Sharingan

24 hours without sleep and a grueling war with the toughest clan on earth didn't seem to wear me out at all.

At the end of the war, after I slaughter the last breathe of my last enemy with my katana, I come to realize that I have come to arm myself with the greatest eye jutsu of all time: the Sharingan.

Yes, the Sharingan. I bet I am the amateur user now as I only have one comma in both eyes. But it feels so real, like an orgasm. The heightened sense of going to war with the feeling that you are faster than anyone.

Yes, the Uchiha legacy will live. The wars that I fought and will fight, will be remember well in the history. The swiftness of the slashes and perfect copy of the smart moves that my enemies take pride in.

And yes, the legacy continues with me.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Matrix?

Damn, I am having this thing happening to me again. Sometimes when I am working very hard, even how high-spirited I am, I will suddenly feel so sleepy and I will then lie on the table, falling asleep.

The next thing I would know is there are diagrams from the subject I am reading being forcefully loaded into my brains. I would see self-explanatory notes on the confusing diagrams and data, flipping through my brains according to my own pace. This sensation will last for about half an hour, and when I wake up later, it seems that I can understand the subject intuitively.

I hope someone out there who share the same experience as I do tell me about your own experience as well. Jeez, it really does feel like being in the Matrix.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Some say

We lost the competition again, by close call. Everytime there will be something that we overlook or it happens that we meet someone who spoils up everything, for this time it is the Mr. Mad Technician of HKUST Concrete Lab who blew up our structure by assuming that the earthquake intensity and frequency for the model testing on his own. Fuck him. Because of him we thought the amplitude of this competition gonna be huge and we actually over-reinforce the structure and what the fuck is, we lose by 3 grams. Mother Lord.

Walking in my campus, wandering aimlessly looking for my lost pride. Where it is? Maybe it's time to...wait, lemme rephrase. It is definitely the time to repick my pride in my results, at least hold on to my scholarship. Yes, it's time.

Some say, we're never meant to grow up, I'm sure they never knew enough. I know the pressure won't go away. It's too late.


Thursday, May 01, 2008

Coffee & some thoughts...

Just realized that lately I had been having a lot of coffee, and now already becoming addicted to its fragrance. Whenever I need to do a huge amount of work, whenever I need to do overnight studying, whenever I feel that my eyelids will drop anytime...yes, I will have coffee. Quite not the me who I use to be. I use to laugh at the effects of coffee because honestly, coffee didn't have any significant effect on me. I guess, I just need the feeling of staying awake and vigilant to cling onto.

Had some thoughts this afternoon:
1) When we try to be fast, we slow ourselves down; why not try to do something with my own heart without considering the speed?
2) something that seems to be absurd and totally unbelievable does not mean it does not and will not happen. What we think is normal, is just the fact that it is normal or not, doesn't mean it won't happen and it is not for good.
3) work hard n harder n harder. i don't deserve a bad grade. do i?

have a nice day everyone...ok, time to work!


Sunday, April 27, 2008

20%

Live for now, live for whatever that is present at this moment, not what is to come.

We will spend a whole 20% of our lives thinking bout the future. That is base on an assumption that one spends about 2 hours thinking bout tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and even ten years later everyday. Isn't that scary?

In war, we fight for what is precious to ourselves. Sometimes, even without knowing it, we are sacrificing every bit of ourselves to protect those that we care about the most.

This is a war. We're all on it. Let us fight it, bravely, and courageously. Be strong, be vigilant, and triumph in every single effort of ourselves which is striving to keep things the way we wish they would be. Let's work the hardest. And, all of my buddies, I believe that we are ready.

Tomorrow comes with what we do today. Live. Live for today and a better tomorrow will come. Fight. Fight for today and a beautiful tomorrow awaits.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

輸入法升級!!!微軟的失敗。。。

昨天晚上挺興奮的,因為發現了兩種新的輸入法,一為谷歌輸入法,一為搜狗輸入法。後來發現原來谷歌輸入法有抄襲搜狗輸入法的跡象,自己在兩個不同公司的實 驗室網站看了一下,發現谷歌輸入法的確沒有搜狗的厲害,詞庫方面的導入也優化于谷歌的,感覺也快的很多。雖然發現到谷歌輸入法的妙處,可是用了用搜狗輸入 法,發現還是搜狗的妙一些。

好吧,我也就正式介紹大家這個互聯網裡最新的拼音輸入法技術。雖然話說谷歌輸入法不妙還有技術欠佳,可是它還是有一個可以在一面打字一面搜查google網站的特點,也不是全然不行的。可是若是要比起打中文字這一方面,還是搜狗遠遠領先了。

或許有一天谷歌進步了,那可能我會選用那個版本。確實,在任何方面來說,微軟輸入法已經被用者淘汰了。微軟弱勢越來越不妙,有接近崩潰的味道了。

就在此補丁上搜狗輸入法的網址及基本功能解釋吧:

網址:http://pinyin.sogou.com/

1. 超强互联网词库,无所不包

利用搜索引擎技术,根据搜索词生成的输入法互联网词库,能够覆盖所有类别的流行词汇。无论是最新的歌手、电视剧、电影名、游戏名,还是球星、软件名、动漫、歌曲、电视节目,全部一网打尽。

2. 先进的智能组词算法,首选词准确率第一

最新的智能组词算法应用了领先的搜索引擎技术,分析搜索引擎语料库的语言模型,使搜狗输入法的首选词准确率在所有输入法中居第一。


3. 功能强大,兼容多种输入习惯

提供全面的按键设置和外观选择,尽可能适应各种常见输入法的输入习惯,使智能ABC、微软拼音、拼音加加、紫光拼音等输入法的用户都可以轻松上手。

4. 易用性佳,高级功能丰富

通过对输入细节的观察,我们特别设计了许多体贴的功能,ign→ing拼音纠错、网址输入模式、词语联想、自动在线升级词库等为你创造更为流畅的输入体验!

哈哈,就此完結吧。哦,對了,對女生來說可能是個好消息。。。對的,搜狗輸入法擁有皮膚設置!!你可以擁有一個天花亂墜的輸入皮膚,不再是平庸的輸入畫面了。嘿嘿。。。不錯吧。。。去睇睇一下吧。;-)


Friday, March 07, 2008

干涸

不斷的付出後,心靈逐漸地干涸。在冬天將盡,春天將始的日子裡,我再看見一條披滿荊棘之路。

無數的刺,無數的事。

心靈干涸之前盡所能的努力。只為了生存。

費盡力氣也要逆流而上。務必要如此。

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Revival

Things are getting back to normal, bit by bit. I can definitely feel the air of it. I am sure that next semester gonna be real comeback hit for me.

As my relationship grows towards stability, I am pretty sure I will have a large share of my time dedicated towards my studies and career in the year to come.

GAMBATTE!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

New

Well hehe guys, i guess i din update for a goddamn long time...so urm, this is sth to review on since a whole new year has commenced and I din actually sit down for a quiet reflection.

Let's see...in the year 2007 i do have great achievements in Spring 2007 and a great summer, for that I met my gf and made two research projects a success. Things turn quite the other way for the other half as immense balancing between heavy work, studies and relationship. Let's just say I got myself trapped, with a clear conscience. And that hurts the most since I am actually feeling the pain, as if being whipped naked.

Life teaches me a lot more. That's what i can say. I changed. The view of politics, family, relationship and career. Well not a big swing but some parts in me were gone. And a part of my heart told me that I missed them. Time moves on. The thing is I get better of it as I love the new self more.

I am a man of darkness. Concealed in darkness always, I search for the meaning of life from time to time. In the past I go after a blink of romance; but for now I search for an eternity of family kind-of love. In the past I achieve for merely achieving; for now I achieve for who I am to be able to achieve. In the new 2008, a lot of huge international political struggles are forecasted, and the storm is sweeping tremendously in my ocean too. Things regretted, things wished, things prepared and things unprecedented. I am preparing myself to get ready. I need time for the mentality to sink in.

Seeing my parents getting old each day, a deep sadness entrench in my weak heart. Hopefully, the time of redemption will come fast as I start to earn myself my own living. At the same time, pouring out love and care to them is more than necessary. I failed to be a respectful son and I failed my mum a lot of times in the past. Hope that in the coming new year I will be able to give myself more to them.

Time flies. Wei zhi is interning in taiwan and my uni second year is going to end by June. Things are getting quite out of hands but they will be under control if a more prepared mind and mentality is summoned. Let's wait for yet another awakening of the dragon in my soul. I want something achieved this time. I hunger for another peak after the decline. This time I swear to go a greater length to do what I am supposed to be doing.

Good luck to all of you who spend not the time (or only a few short hours) with me. Paths are diverged but I think with the same mentality of our gang, we will be converging sooner than we thought, on the road of success and self-satisfaction. Be warned that huge storms are waiting ahead, but I know none of us will be scared. Let's take each other's hands, and march into the vast darkness beyond. God bless us in 2008.

Take care, all my old friends. Time it is for us to fight, fight again and keep fighting. Be it a sacred war or a hated one, we will triumph with our own hands, and build our own solid grounds. Cheers to 2008!!!!!