A Brief but important update

First and for all, i gotta announce this:

UN has officially declared that 30th december is Cucumber Day, starting from next year onwards. This is in order to pay respect to Miss Cucumber (a.k.a. Miss Chin Xin-Ci) who was born on 30th december, 1986. She has managed to survive in an urban city by just eating a cucumber per meal for a month, continuously. UN committee was ultimately impressed by this fact and they decide to name december 30th as Cucumber Day in order to tell people how important the will of survival, and not least, cucumber is.

Let's remember this day, forever and ever.

Tolerance; Being sorry; Tranquility

Conflict is inevitably encountered in a place where u live with ppl in the same space, especially the same room. There, of course, had been harsh ones and had been soft ones, the thing i keep wondering about from day one till now is not about how to avoid one. You never could avoid one. That's the iron fact.

So the main point is about resolving one. Since it's already inevitable, the thing is how we extinguish the sparks before the fire actually bursts into evil flames that will eventually engulf everyone. Of course, the very first thing i could think of is: tolerance.

But then, is tolerance all to it? or in other words, does tolerance really work?

No it didn't. for my case that is. I found out that the more i tolerate, the more the anger builds up. Because i have some principle lines which i myself couldn't even cross over it. It's not about me being stubborn, to be honest. Sometimes i just couldn't see it happen. The attitude of other ppl doing it, and provoking it by doing it again intentionally really burn your eyes out. You feel like strangling them but you just withstand the anger. As i put it, i store the anger in an unknown memory space which i tot i could delete it subconsciously. But what happened in the end was accumulation of galleons of fuel which is able to tear down at least twenty warehouses. Tolerance is not the key. It rots me out from the inside. I felt that I am more and more devilish each day, with the anger and conflict kept reigning in me everytime a piece of others' doing invoke it.

So, confrontation? Well certainly it doesn't work. Not that it won't, just that different ppl need you to think of different approach. that's really troublesome. because when you think of diff approaches, you HAVE to think from various viewpoints, including putting yourself in the others' shoes. When you're on fire, don't tell me you could do that objectively. No one could. Therefore there's more than 50% chance that a confrontation will induce a heated argument and worst-to-worst case, a tragedy of brutal fight or body contact. That, is unquestionably out of the way.

Therefore I had been wondering this far: what do you do when you're dealing with ppl who are harsh and stubborn when it comes to conflict? You tolerate, accumulate the fire and then you burst into flame? you talk to that stubborn guy, you guys couldn't agree with each other, and then comes to body contact (verbal abuse)? you let him win, and you yourself feel defeated and not yourself for a few days?

For this semester, i learned a lot from my courses. Now i m learning bout dealing with conflicts, psychologically i mean. well then, when i m hard-headed and stubborn, i found that things couldn't go straight. and then when i m soft and tolerable, ppl kept taking advantage of you until you die of the power of giving more. To find the line in between, sorry...i couldn't do it. at least not me. Either way, when i m about to reach the extreme, i will pull myself back, which in the end it hurts me inside, deeply. but i guess i m getting the rhythm of it now, slowly, slowly.

maybe it's not about tolerance, and it's not about getting myself right or getting others right. and it's not about being stubborn, or being soft. and it's not about being in between or neutral. it's about being wise.

some people just couldn't change. or they're changing---slowly---just that now they're not in sync with your mode of principle. well, you guys probably say, of course. one thing funny is, there're tonnes of 'of course' facts around us which we already know, yet we're not wise enough to understand it. That's why the simplest wisdom always come with the simple facts. what to do when u meet a hard person that you couldn't possibly agree with? be wise. don't even start the conflict. and don't get emotionally attached because that person maybe didn't even care. Not that he doesn't, it's that he doesn't even know of the principle you hold, and that principle is something he doesn't even think of his whole life. well you see, for us, when we accidentally hit someone, we will feel really sorry bout it, and then you try to compensate the hurt one by apologizing or provide care. but you see, today i m elbowed, which resulted in my spectacle stand jabbing into my right eye. he doesn't even say 'sorry' at all. he looked at you, see that you're not blind, then he feels morally okay. you might say: wah, fuck man, this guy sucks. but then, to think over it, he doesn't feel sorry bout what he did because in his own definition, there's no such thing as apologizing when something like that happened. The degree of 'being sorry' is different, and the 'principle lines' also differ for different people. One old fact: you couldn't satisfy everyone. Rephrasing it: you couldn't expect everyone to satisfy you. It just won't happen.

therefore the thing is not to tolerate. It's all about our mind. Sit down, reflect on it. like what i m doing now by writing this blog. since the person didn't even care bout it, why you do? well, at least i can smile over it d. we live by our own principle, but not by superimposing our principles on others. being wise is about letting it go. To let it go is to think over the event itself. who would care bout one little conflict 1000 years later? you see, we might die one day without even knowing when we will. maybe the next minute, maybe next year, maybe 60 years later. were i to keep this anger inside my soul till the very day i die? it occupies space, memory and emotion. someday we will become a serial killer if we continue to be like that.

finally, i m able to be feel contented. self-satisfaction is all to it. live by your own principle, let everything go after thinking over it. people don't invite you to something, then? you will die? or, you feel bad for a few days? ppl dun agree with you, verbally abuse you, then you retaliate, u guys haf a fight, then you hafta think of a way to dispose your anger. whoa man that take days. it just didn't worth the effort and time. i find it funny that i can let ppl make fun of me, even about my death but when i make fun of that person, he just will attack you over and over again. so the bottom line is: don't raise a topic without thinking bout what will others will do to you.

i guess i decided to keep it this way: 1) less involvement when sensing something is wrong with a conversation (smell of the sparks). 2) withdrawal of verbal attack on other people from the back. 3) listen, and talk only when i need to. 4) smile it off when feeling not straight because sooner or later you hafta smile it off too. 5) self-discipline.

i think the thing is to detach myself from the surrounding. i am more and more expert in doing this lately. when i detach, it is as if everything happening around me doesn't haf an effect on me anymore. not that i dun care, but just that some stuff has its effect wear off because it doesn't mean something tht cibai to you again. everything around me is moving in slow motion, and in an extremely tranquil pace. such a comfortable mode i could switch to. then things will become clear. living becomes something natural again.

life is about being myself, naturally and peacefully in the mind. reflection brings improvement. at least today i know that what i do will provoke ppl. next time, i won't do it again. smile it off, man, smile it off. a tranquil mind is the healthiest solution:

be wise but not arrogant;
let it go after reflecting but not to tolerate;
smile it off but not to fake one which is just to provoke someone even more;
keep quiet but not when you're in dire situation to fight back;
live by own principle but always think of the consequence of your doing;
detach but not to be irreponsible.


Alden Nowlan: the day the child forgives himself, he becomes wise.

Senses

Tomorrow, or, to be more precise, in the next 14 hours i gonna face two exams and i haf one assignment due which i only barely halfway through. I know i shouldn't be here, but i think if i dun type sth out here, i might lose sth more important in my life.

Stretched, that's the only word I can think about being in HKUST. You never get enough sleep because there're always unfinished assignments and quizzes. Well, at start, I was thinking about working till my bones break to maintain the scholarship in a relatively very tough place here [imagine competing with Chinese and local HK chinese], but then, after living here in HK, the so-called metropolitan city for such a long extent of time, I started to realize sth: everyone here works till they die, and they don't even know why they're living. Or, they don't even know they're breathing every moment.

Ask any teenager in HK around me. Ask them: What do you know about suffocation?
Answer: What? Don't waste your time on that.

Question: What is the meaning of life?
Answer: Hahahahahaha...why're you asking that? Are you serious? (repeat the loop till it goes to infinity)

Question: What happened in Lebanon a few months back? Do you know that Israel is signing a peace treaties with Palestine?
Answer: .......(look away, ignore you completely after hearing the word 'Lebanon'.

They just don't care. You talk about what the local HK stars are doing lately, they know it instantly, by heart. They're even better than the paparazzi. Take my word for that. Something is dangerously amiss here. In a city full of pride and serious lack of conscience to care about others and events happening outside HK, I feel helpless. There're thousands other people outside HK, facing different problems, having cultural and religion clashes here and there, and they care NOTHING about it. Then arise the question: what's the point they're studying in a good university for? a better career?

And i ask myself: Do i compete with these ppl until i lose my vision of myself? Is this why i go to university?

You own urself a first class honest and scholarship, a good job, then you work days and nights until u dun haf any strength to continue working. You retire, then you started to stay in front of television, living your life as a legal couch potato. Is that what i want?

If study is about career, wealth, status, then i think i'm not gonna give it a fuck. I said, c'mon man, what's the point? What do I really learn? The purpose in life is what we're really looking for. You see, in HK there's sth really stupid going on every day. There're christians trying to get ur contacts, and then they will call u furiously, asking u to go their churches by all means possible. God gives u the light, God gives you the comfort, God gives you the answer to your question of being a typical 'zombie' in a metropolitan city. What's the fucking lie? you baptize, then they go away. You're all by yourself, discovering God on your own. Well, I don't give a shit. To hell with these God stuff. Religion is only a false light. You thought you are saved, but then when you are alone, you did not dive into your own heart seeking for solutions and answers. Instead, everything is referred to as God's doings. Bullshit. In big city like HK, where pressure and sleeplessness squeezes everyone into emptiness, more ppl fall into these kinda false light. They fall, and then they forget who they are. They don't even know how to find their own solutions. Everything is a 'blessing'. An infinite loop, which recursively repeated until every generation in the coming future completely loses the ability to think. Chinese are pathetic. Hong Kongers are pathetic. One thing about Chinese from China and Hong Kong is, they always look for a model answer, an absolute solution, a definite answer. This drives me crazy. A race lacks of the ability to rethink ideologies and challenge the thinkings around them. I wonder, if Hitler were to command China's army, I'm sure in 10 years time back in 1941, Hitler would have grasped the whole Europe and Asia under his tyranny. (if America were not to interfere, that is)

I'm totally ashamed of being a chinese. I really am. Back in Malaysia, things aren't that different either. The generation after mine are getting more and more ignorant of the world they live in and they stop asking the big questions about life. I am growing tired of being able to find someone younger who could tell me objectively what he thought about life without any arrogance implied. Discussion about life and thinkings have been deemed as extreme stupidity and waste of time. Standing in the middle of Mongkok a month ago where thousands of thousands of people walk aimlessly, shoulders touching shoulders, I once thought: what has the people in big cities become? Is this supposed to be 'normal'?

But then, this makes it all clear. In the next century machines will definitely take over human race, because a lot of people among us are losing the ability to think. One day, when machines start to tell every newly born human that machines are the God in bible, or in Quran, i guess, nobody will object it. Jesus will turn into an icon of super AI created by machines to walk through time tunnel to go the past to save human race. The staff Moses used to part the sea is nothing but a strong magnetic divider. Judgment day is already over. 'God' decided to take over the human race once in for all, sending his 'angels' (machines) down to earth to teach us about how to live a peaceful and happy life.

Sitting in front of one of the desk in HKUST's dorm, I look out of the window beside me. Tomorrow I gonna have two quizzes, one assignment, and one lab. So? So what? I look out of the window, I see thousands of still-awake chinese [from China and local HK] flipping their books furiously at 3 am in the morning, slowly march themselves towards the realm of machines. Once, religions dominize our thinkings. Finally when we're able to question and overcome it, the coming generations are slowly being taken over by the domination of machines.

I pray for my own senses to spring alive every moment I live. I feel alive when I know I am still able to think, to reflect and to judge objectively. Tonight, I know, finally, what it means to be a human.

Amen.

你的脸颊
还有似柔的，不曾被轻拂过的细发
于叶片交错，高木重林中的阳光闪烁间发光；


我猫在枯燥落叶堆旁
悄悄地向遥远的太阳礼拜
希望闭上眼后
我对你的思念
会化作几道无形的紫外线
在你最不经意之刻
为你寂寥的心
带来一丝的暖意与慰籍


这样，
就够了

Philosophy or Fiction? The line that converges...

Watching 'One Tree Hill' has provided me a wide source of really good authors who are oblivious to us, especially those who doesn't really read english novels, names such as Ayn Rand, E.E. Cummings who once celebrated renowned fame in their times seem to be a lost thread between the space of nothingness. We are yearning for good authors, yet but only to get our hands on authors who thrived in romance, suspense, action, mystery and fantasy...authors of fancy movies or screenplay-to-be stereotyped novels are indeed more than common nowadays. Fumbling over the racks of bookstore or library? A vast sea of books are waiting there for you. Do you have the one in god-knows-how-much chance to find a book which inspires many and worth your time? To be truthful, me as a reader myself all these years, have tried all sort of ways to dive into this little forgotten corner and only reach as far as classics and popular reads in the newspaper section.

Reading classics and popular reads won't make you dull but the sense of losing touch with your own senses tells you that you are craving for something philosophical but yet not as heavy or serious as the materials which are crafted in an overly professional manner in the superficial meaning of 'philosophy'. You might like something fictional, yet mind-tickling. And then I found Haruki Murakami. He rocks, and he continues to.

Until then, I find another author which might bring your attention closer to the screen. I say this, try 'Ayn Rand'.

It is a big name. But I never heard of it. You might pinpoint me on that, telling me that I am really out of touch with the literary world. But here I am, discovering big names which I never heard of every day. Name it: Shusaku Endo, E. E. Cummings, Truman Capote, Ayn Rand...well, you know.

So let's put it short. This post I concentrate my topic on Ayn Rand. She's another author who successfully merge philosophy and fiction, blending both of them into a world of self-discovery and deep pondering. You might ask why she's popular. Then here's the answer: her book "Atlas Shrugged" was and is voted as the second most influential book in the whole America after Bible. Good news: it still is.

A book which delves into materialising the theme of what man lives for, she scourged every possible ground you may think of to give answers. Answers in the forms of questions. You might get yourself another set of answers, and that's perfectly okay with Ayn Rand. She encourages Objectivism. To realize a truth which exists beyond our conscience. She did not deny religion, but she refuses to include religion into our way of thinking. I agree with her the most on this. Why referring yourself to the divine for all your unfound answers? Are you happy with the answers you get? That God is watching over you? You can find the perfect peace and serenity deep within you? When it comes to that, certainly, everything is metaphysical. It has nothing to do with your belief or your faith or your set of rules or other people's set of rules or the Bible's set of rules. All is you and nothing but you. You want an answer, then you understand it, and you live through your questions, then eventually you will reach it.

Grab a copy of "Atlas Shrugged" and tune yourself into a self-discovering path. You might think otherwise than the author, and you are encouraged to do so. It's you yourself who is facing the situation right? It's not the author. Think freely before assigning your mind to certain boundaries or set of rules. To be yourself, a 'yourself' which is wise enough to ponder over the rights and wrongs of your own actions.

Hahaha...i relax my tone a little bit now...this book is about 1000 over pages. So don't stick your tongue when you find out the price of it. But then, it's worth it. Trust me. ;-) Luckily my university's library has it. hahahahaha...as what caryn puts it, my library is the dream of all those hungry readers like her and me. :-P

I end this with a quote:

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

- Ayn Rand "Atlas Shrugged"

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."

- "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinback.

Feelings: We live up to them

Note: This post is specially dedicated to xinch and all my best pals around the world.


The Sentence
by Anna Akhmatova
And the stone word fell
On my still-living breast.
Never mind, I was ready.
I will manage somehow.

Today I have so much to do:
I must kill memory once and for all,
I must turn my soul to stone,
I must learn to live again—

Unless . . . Summer's ardent rustling
Is like a festival outside my window.
For a long time I've foreseen this
Brilliant day, deserted house.

Translated from the Russian by Judith Hemschemeyer

There's a time when everything seems to be idle and dead. People having fun, dancing, enjoying everything around like they never had, and you are there, sitting at some place alone, without the whole world noticing you. But the feeling is so calm and soothing. You feel contented. You are self-sufficient. Something has changed, sometimes you wanna turn back the time, but still, a place inside your heart whispers: No, don't.

You struggle for a while. Then you stop struggling. You begin to remember and then you cry. You wipe your tears and then you stand up straight. The whole world which seems to be so familiar turns out to be so unusually strange. You know what you are capable of now. You see through a lot of stuff which you never did.

Back then, you killed your memory. You turn yourself into a stone. No, that was not bad. It isn't, not at all. Others believe it or don't, you know you had gone through everything that would have changed things the other way round.

Therefore, deep inside, you know this by heart:
Never mind, I was ready.
I will manage somehow.

Things that had passed never come around again. You know that instinctly. We don't live another life. Choices made are made sure to be made wisely. We bear with every little consequence of every little choice we made. You finally realize that. Therefore, those people who had betrayed, befriend you again; those beautiful moments which seemed to be so true and close to you once; those days when you sit with so-called friends of yours on the bench, laughing your head off and thinking of never seeing sun rising again; those many many moments and stuff which you hold ardently deep within, all of them, is separated from you in a sudden. You are walking alongside your friends, having moments which you think you will cherish before this, but then, you only see stillness. You feel...contented.

Then pass were those days. Today, you and I, we truly know that we have changed. Those things will never cherish or hurt us again. Not because we don't have anything to do with it anymore. It's just that we are through. Thoroughly through.

From today onwards, we realize who are our true friends and what are our true feelings. We live up to them, and we will always do.

Summer's ardent rustling
Is like a festival outside my window.
For a long time I've foreseen this
Brilliant day, deserted house.


Long live the days where everything holds true and dear to us. You and I, we'd held our hands and walk through this. Tomorrow's today, you know it, we're one, all my dear friends.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose the ventures before us.


William Shakespeare, Julias Ceasar

Concentration

sorry guys bout not updating my blog...i haf been off for a few weeks due to sum problems i faced and i m happy here to tell u guys that i settle it d...so i kinda contented. but another problem comes up now: i always dun haf enough time to study.

i know it might sound like a proscratinating reason for u...but i simply just dunnno how to manage my time for a subject well. i guess i hafta ponder over about it d.

and i guess i haf a few habits to get rid of as well. for instance, shaking my legs. this bad habit is a bad habit becoz it really lower my concentration level to its lowest when i study. i found out that if i continue doing this, i won't have proper thinking going my way. fuck it. but i hafta face it.

juz finished watching 'catch me if u can'. i get sth from it: you pay for what you get. I got my 100k scholarship for a relaxing life? u kidding me? if i hafta get easy money, then other form of payment will come my way, one way or another. i guess concentration is my issue now. i believe that if i can manage my concentration, then time management won't be as much of a big problem d.

to the lords or whoever that's watching my back...i gonna do it. and i hate losing, especially to myself. come my way, concentration.

Shuffle, then find your set of answers ;-)

sum update finally...been goddamn busy lately...my uni is definitely shit. but today i sorta relax the whole day...watching smallville (freshly downloaded) and doing nothing. iish...it's 4 in the morning now. i guess tmr i gonna start catching up on my studying. I LAG BEHIND A LOT D AND I M STILL HERE!!!!! SHEESSSHHHH!!!!


well, first thing first, xinch started this as a tag, which in fact is NOT a tag. therefore i gonna be kind this time. Juz having the fun doing it...so feel free if u wanna do this tag and dun do it if u dun feel like it. ;-)



————————————-

1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
4.) NO CHEATING!!!

{all right i gonna add a rule to this...becoz i do listen to classical and sentimental, so i will skip those songs. and i gonna do english songs, chinese songs and cantonese songs. maybe hokkien as well. ;-) }

*here it goes!!*


1.) How am I feeling today?

"Here, A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight"

yeah maybe i was holding on too tight...been thinking over this thing since xinch scolded me. :-(


Yellowcard - Inside Out
Lyrics


2.) Where will I get married?

"Who made up all the rules
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through"

never pre-decide anything in your life. it's good to have a goal, but not a whole life pre-planned.

Jem - They
Lyrics


3.) What is my best friend’s theme song?
Coldplay - Swallowed in the sea

this part of the lyrics suit his role play in my life the best:
"You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong "

Lyrics


4.) What was highschool like?

"Well don't you know I can't take it
I don't know who can
I'm not going to make it
I'm not that kind of man

Oh I can't sleep at night
But just the same
I never weep at night
I call your name"

relationships....relationships...that's the ups and downs in high school. :-X

Beatles - I Call Your Name
Lyrics

5.) What is the best thing about me?

“管他頭痛不頭痛 (有人這樣努力 我只覺得光榮)
我的頭痛不再痛 (能夠生存就有恃無恐)
苦痛說了沒人懂 (愛人沒有用 我一樣很有用)
我想什麼沒人懂 (沒有人歌頌 總有人被感動)
不具名的演員不管有沒有觀眾 謝謝儂"

It's about believing in my own path, and to survive throughout it.

Eason Chan - 謝謝儂
Lyrics


6.) How is today going to be?

"fly away
當我不顧一切無止盡追尋
有一個人 有一顆心
早已經默默之中在那裡"

thinking bout finding something in the future. really hope that someone will wait for me in front. then i dun haf that much of tension.

Fish Leong - Fly Away
Lyrics

7.) What is in store for this weekend?

"Oh darling please wait for me

The stars up in the sky, you know they know the reason why
I, I feel so blue 'cause I'm away, I'm away from you
Yeah, I'll hold you in my heart 'till I can hold you in my arms
Oh darling please wait for me"

About the issue of waiting for someone, again. *jeez...this shuffler is pricking my heart isn't it???*

Elvis Presley - I'll hold you in my heart
Lyrics


8.) What song describes my parents?

“醉里挑灯看剑 梦回吹角连营 弓如霹坜惊弦 风流总被雨打风吹而去 怎见气吞万里如虎 一笑人间万事 春风不染白发 怎忘寒冬冰秋 醉里且贪欢笑 颇未老乐悠悠 何处望神州 不尽长江滚滚流 千古兴亡多少事 金戈铁马战不休 天下谁英雄 赢得功名在身后 蓦然回首 数风流 非皇非帝非君非诸候"

this is all the lyrics...basically all fit...lolz

羽泉 - 辛弃疾


9.) How is my life going?

the tunes of a flowing river...yuppy...this is the perfect song for this answer. my life is flowing like a river now, leading to an unknown land, but yet i know i m heading somewhere.

Enya - Adiemus


10.) What song will they play at my funeral?

“Let's all get up and dance to a song
that was a hit before your Mother was born"

Beatles - Your mother should know


11.) How does the world see me?

"Oh My God 別這樣我已無力再反抗
找不到一句謊話騙自己"

resisting good endings all the while, and saying sth to lie myself, even sometimes i intuitively know the answer.

王力宏 - 白狐狸


12.) What do my friends really think of me?

"The river sparkles like fire,
The meadows strech out like a coloured carpet,
The clouds are growing white.

There are no people here ...
There is just silence here ..."

i wished it was the real silent me.

Sarah Brightman - How Fair This Spot
Lyrics


13) Do people secretly lust after me?

"Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.
You're a friend."

James Blunt - Cry
Lyrics


14.) How can I make myself happy?

"No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
With you"

yeah...that's the way.

Linkin Park - With you
Lyrics


15.) What should I do with my life?

"是一再的做 一再的錯不由我
我一步一步一步一步 慢慢走向流沙"

ntg. it's about doing what i shud do now. what's wrong, it's not to be decided by me.

David Tao - 流沙


16.) Will I ever have children?

"從前曾幻想
天天向上勇敢自強　可中獎
然而誰知道
一想你　忘記堅強"

*weep*....speechless. juz thought of sth.

Joey Yung - 告解


17.) What is some good advice?

"相恋不能再倾国倾城
倾倒你心里越来越冷坚固的灵魂
此刻你也就别再等
不能再等不能再等让热情变冷"

This is for someone…that someone who dwells in my heart.

MayDay - 爱情万岁
Lyrics


18.) What do I think my current theme song is?

"Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard."

Oh my god this song comes out of nowhere and it hits!!!! =.=||||

Billy Joel – Honesty
Lyrics


19.) What does everyone else think about my current life?

“Please don't think of me
If you do you gotta block it
I got chills tonight
And you can't be here to stop it
I'm not a parasite
It's just a lonely night
Tonight”

You guys know it’s hurting me too…it’s just lonely nights in hk which kill me. Ntg more.

Robbie Williams – If it’s hurting you
Lyrics


20.) What type of women do you like?

"我爱你我爱你
我　我要　我要你　我要你说　只要说声爱
你为什么不　为什么不　为什么不敢说爱 "

*ROTFL* hahahahaha this is so funny!!

Old old song - 我要你的爱


21.) Will you get married?

" I'm in distress, oh mistress
I confess so do it one more time
These handcuffs are too tight
You know I will obey, so please
Don't make me beg
For blood, sex and booze you give me "

Wahahahaha…if I find someone who can actually SM me. This song rocks!!

Green Day – Blood, Sex and Booze


22.) What should I do with my love life?

" It's a chance to fix mistakes,
One more for the last time,
Does it blow our dreams away,
Don't waste this chance with your smile
10 seconds left on this dial,
This could be the last time. "

Arrghhhhhhhh…so chun…I gonna call her…this could be the last time for me to decide. At least.

The All-American-Rejects – 11 – 11 pm
Lyrics


23.) Where will you live?

" If the sun has faded away, I'll try to make it shine,"

Wherever I live, I will make that happen…anytime at all.

Beatles – Anytime at all
Lyrics


24.) What will your dying words be?

“I don’t wanna say good-bye.
I just wanna live my life with you.”

信乐团 - 世界末日
Lyrics


25.) When Im having sex I say…

"別再做情人　做隻貓做隻狗　不做情人
做隻寵物至少可愛迷人
和你不瞅不睬　最終只會成為敵人
淪為舊朋友　是否又稱心
沒有心　只像閒人
若有空　難道有空可接吻
註定似過路人陌生　你怎麼手震”

It’s the fear I m having lately...about sex being the temporary stuff or sth else. I dunno. *sigh*

Leo Ku - 愛與誠


26.) When I meet a guy/lady for the first time I say..

"If you wanna be with me, baby
There's a price you pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression "

Uiseh….best answer!!!!!!!!

Christina Aguilera – Genie in a bottle
Lyrics


27.) When my parents are angry I say…

“Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated”

Train – Drops of Jupiter
Lyrics


whoosh...finally had a good time doing this. i made my best to link all the lyrics website. there're some i don't do so becoz the lyrics is in my computer d. cheers pal. this tag is nice. found some of my answers too.

Evolution, again

New semester commenced; yet my life just is not as efficient as the time when i was in upper six...the engine is grinding but the energy is leaking out to the surrounding: i m feeling weak inside. i think it's finally time: another silent revolution has started beneath me. i can feel it growing stronger each day, like a conceived child.

Slowly the gloomy feelings before the change is crawling all over me now again. I have to make a decision, fast and definite one. I have to continue on my life. Study life here is about pace...and if i lingered on that any longer, it gonna take me out, for sure.

To walk the path, man, to walk the path. Challenges never stop coming yea? I think my goal here is to survive the first year with an above B+ results...I couldn't get my mind swayed elsewhere d. it's crucial, for the sake of my future, and dreams. No more than that.

*deep deep sigh* being tagged again...this time by a mendoukusai girl...

Name 20 people you can think of and answer the questions below. Then, you can tag 5 people to do this survey. crappy stuff...xinch, i will xinch u when i see u.

1. Wei Zhi
2. Xinch
3. Shao Thing
4. Caryn
5. June
6. Samuel
7. Ewe Jin
8. Duen Horng
9. Chuan Wei
10. Uncle theam
11. Bak Kim
12. Lip Kheng
13. See tatt
14. Wenying
15. Lydia the liar
16. wei gie
17. shun xiang
18. kiat eng
19. ee lin
20. mah the tiu
21. uchiha sasuke
22. gaara
23. harry macdowel
24. brandon heat
25. lau boon chong
26. tulan beng
27. TEMARI!!!!!
28. Haruki murakami
29. yellowcard
30. faye wong
………………………………………….

Question time:

1. How did you meet #14?
whoosh...the noisy housefly...classmates in standard 4,5,6. after that we get close...dunno how, but just that friendship prevails. a really good fren to have.

2. What would you do if you hadn’t met #1?
wei zhi ar...i think a lot of things will change. my way of life. my perspective. my value for a friend. man, without best mate on this earth, life could be devastatingly unproductive and i might had killed myself at least 10 to 20 times if i din meet this guy.

3. What would you do if #20 and #9 dated?
WAKAKAKAKAKA...chuan wei and mah tiu??? they just fit each other...chuan wei has the longest thing every male has on this earth and mah tiu has the biggest hole every male has on this earth.

4. Would #6 and #17 make a good couple?
nope. both of them are not gay. or not certified as gay yet.

5. Describe #3
this guy is terribly talented. in japan digging japanese girls' holes now. he keeps a lot of stuff to himself. relatively quiet and could be really noisy when he drank half a bottle of beer/snuff 2 mg of drugs. he needs cooling down. sometimes revealing the problems to frens help a lot.

6. Do you think #8 is attractive?
*deep sigh* no question bout that. she's the only one on this earth who i believe that i can love so deep & intense in my whole life.

7. Tell me something about #7
ewe jin is a nerd. he wants to be professional in everything, which is impossible. very 'uncle' oso. he needs reshaping. maybe take a course on romance or sth.

8. Do you know anything about #12’s family?
i know where they live and what kinda business they run. but, without her permission, i won't poke my nose in.

9. What is #1’s favourite?
Ramen! ramen! ramen!! no lar...juz kidding...wei zhi, he really likes to flirt with girls when his gang of friends need him around. ROTFL!! okay...serious now. he likes martial art, anime, (talking with japanese in dreams), speaking in fei language, grow fat during winter, surprise ppl, tell ppl that he wants to read books but actually din...i guess that shud include all. LOLZ!!!

10. What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you?
*faint* speaking frankly, i never ever thought of that. if bak kim confesses, i will most probably lower down my iq level to fit her or to tell her to keep a diet. the first one is impossible since it couldn't be done by ourselves. so, that leaves the second choice.

11. What language does #15 speak?
the language of a liar. she lies about everything. including herself. might haf a risk of being in delirium and confusion. she speaks herself of a queen (wtf? we are from malaysia!!!) and tot ppl worshipped her (what we do is just thinking of her when we're asked: 'who would u not think of having sex with in ur whole life?'). so basically...u know lar.....

12. Who is #9 going out with?
wahahahahahaha...what more to say?? chuan wei is dating my dog now!!!!!!

13. How old is #16?
20 now...in year 2006.

14. When was the last time you talked to #13?
the day he went to japan in airport. in march 2006. god i wanna tease this guy again.

15. Who is #2’s favourite singer?
xinch? wahahahahahaha...she listens to all craps!! including kids' song. dun believe it?? check her i-pod. she has 'bla bla black sheep' and 'old mcdonald'!!!

16. Would you date #4?
seriously? talked with her bout it in hong kong...two days ago...which is 24th august 2006. for the time being, no. in the future? i dunno. let fate decide lar aiyo...dunnit to be so mahuan.

17. Would you date #7?
holy crap NO!!!! not even if i were gay.

18. Is #15 single?
hahahaahahhaha...i guess her parents won't check my blog right? NOPE she is NOT

19. What is #10’s last name?
Khoo. he is so proud of it. he boasted about what most ppl with this surnames or sth if u ask him bout his surname. really crappy guy. duh. theam, get a hold of urself. listen sincerely to others!! :D

20. Would you consider being in a relationship with #19?
still the line: "let fate decide.". currently 'no'. she needs to get more mature. (hope u won't faint yea :D)

21. What school did #17 go to?
now currently in 'inti' after form 6. why? coz he wants to study aeronautical engineering in america...wah, is he rich? not really. he will work and study in america. this guy affects me the most in form 6. my vision and effort to reach my dreams grow wider and stronger after i meet him. thank you, shun xiang, for everything.

22. Where does #6 live?
CO Lim road in penang. god i know the way to his house like the back of my hand. use to go this guy's house to pick him up/drop him. really miss the days with my frens. *sigh*. this guy is currently in johor, UTM. wish ya the best, mate!!

23. What is your favourite thing about #5?
EVERYTHING. she's one of my best friends i could ever have in my life. and for that i gonna appreciate it more than anything else.

24. What do you think about #13?
use to be arrogant. but changes much d. basically a nerd. study everything 'professionally'. you could refer him as the first success of human encyclopaedia on earth.

25. What do #4 and #18 have in common?
wahahahahahahahahaha...both of them are boyish and girlish. a hybrid. both haf the potential to undergo sex change. that's all. LOLZ!!

26. What special qualities does #5 hold in your life?
the thing which i call 'true friendship'

And the tagged would be

Wei zhi
samuel
caryn
june
see tatt! hahaha
haruki murakami
dan brown
jk rowling
kishimoto
tony leung chiu wai
andy lau tak wah

after doing this tag, i found out that i m really lucky. i haf a lot of true friends in my life who i really value, and they value me too. i din see this in those classmates of mine. i bet i m the luckiest person alive. gosh....my life juz couldn't continue on its path without u guys...really, thanks a lot for everything.

Hong Kong University of Science & Technology...Hooray!!

Sorry guys that i let u all waited so long before posting this...but u know lar, first two weeks in a whole new environment is busy, tiring and also FUN at the same time, for sure. BEING IN HK IS JUST SYIOK!! I tell you guys what...walking around here just feels so natural and comfortable to me...as if like i have been here for a very long time. Everywhere u go u see chinese, and they speak cantonese which i m familiar of, and the culture is fundamentally the same! AND MOREOVER, THERE ARE NO MALAYS!!! YEAH!!!! HOORAY!!!! it's really super-heaven to not to see a muslim. =D =D

Today i went to Causeway Bay 铜锣湾 after the maths exam in the morning. Tell you guys what...i already lost 25 marks out of 100...shit...i feel so beh syiok...coz i study hard for it. It's just that the question in calculating revenue and cost is not familiar to me...but i m very sure i have grasped the rhythm...i m sure i can cope with it...time is what i need, that's all. I will work ten times harder, if it means to be it! so no worries guys...u know ur super-inferior friend here...i m just feeling inferior all the while, and that's my strength to move up the ladder. If i am inferior and not getting the rhythm, then do worry about me. But now i figure out the rhythm d...hmm, so basically time is what i need. :D
...

About my visits to Causeway Bay, Mongkok旺角, Wanchai湾仔...i will talk bout them in the next post...first thing first...MY UNI!!!!

HKUST is a uni which doesn't look like sth great...until u get inside it, starting to use the facility and study then u will realize how great it is...day after day, i love it more! First, the surprise of extremely BEAUTIFUL VIEWS!!! Our campus overlook mountains and sea since it's in the northeast part of Hong Kong, where most of the city not so 'over-developed' (altho they are not that developed, u can tell that the traffic, cities, services, public amenities are at least ten to twenty times greater than Penang!!! i can say, overally better than KL too). Do you guys know how much u will be fined if u are found litter on the street?? if i dun remember wrongly, the taxi driver said HKD3000...which is around RM1500...therefore the streets of HK is extremely clean!!

All right...now guys...back to photoes!! my uni is a place where u will see the beautiful mountains, sea and green landscapes. my room even OVERLOOKS A WATERFALL!!! WAHSAI...what you guys think of it d? according to the hong kongers, it's the top uni with the best view in hk!!! let the photoes prove it! :D :D


It's a view of my room's only window...


This is the waterfall beside my room!!! OMG!!!


Another view of it...


that's apartments of professors.They live so high up on the top, they haf all the broad sea views!!! i'd been there like two days ago...it's breathtaking!!!


From the bridgelink which I walk to classes everyday...scenaries like this is what i see everyday...


That's the Halls where students live...i din catch a photo of my hall yet...next time :D


This seaview is basically what i see everyday...our uni is simply beautiful!!


The beautiful landscapes like this in my uni is very common...hehe...syiok leh?


That's a top view on our outdoor sports complex.As you can see, it's beside the sea!!


Our outdoor swimming pool...ya, u bet it...it's beside the sea too!! and we haf another indoor swimming pool summore :D:D


See that long bridgelink? this is the fundamental walkways in our uni...basically, u dun need to walk on roads to reach classes on the other side...u just haf to walk thru bridgelinks which are everywhere, take the correct lifts, then u will reach ur place.Lost? there're onlining machine which u can search for the place u wanna go. Guides will be provided. :D


One of the big halls which inside it offices of professors and departments group. Classes oso. It's a maze inside...because the office spans so far...they join to another hall without u noticing it...so, getting lost is nothing new inside it.


See that? it's our library...it has 5 floors...well, i hadn't shoot any pic of it...so i might as well take a faraway shot...


All right guys...i have to go bath...just came back from causeway bay and it's pretty tiring. we share money to buy 'Risk' here oso, and those guys wanna watch movie we borrowed from the library...so, i think tonite gonna sleep very late d...shit...but it's FUN!!!! I WILL UPDATE AGAIN!!! KEEP ON CHECKING!!! :D :D

The Big Day---July the 8th ; The Bigger Day, July the 9th

Sorry guys lately been busy packing till cannot update my blog…plus lately been up to a lot of stuffs n surprises…For instance, wei zhi surprised me by coming back to pg to see me off………I m totally flattered!!! I never knew how good it feels like to have my best pal of my life to come back and give me a surprise like that…THX DAN!!!!

As I said in previous posts and msgs in chatterbox before, I would be leaving Penang to Hong Kong on July the 9th, Sunday…the 10.30 am flight it is. Suddenly a surge of sadness attacked me while I realize I gonna leave Penang now…in the past I was so eager to leave this country of racism and inequality…but lately many good things happened and now I feel that I don’t wanna leave here d. What a feeling it is…isn’t it so?

Btw, xinch, u really shit. I dunno how to describe how shit u r…maybe after exploring every toilet in Hong Kong I would be able to do so. Gai lo!!!!!

Anyway guys, I gotta go d……been masterminding surprises and wanna settle some stuffs I never been able to settle all the while along. Today it’s time for me to end my own torment…a big day for me, July the 8th. I think when there is no saviour, only me myself could be my own saviour. Save my own ass, or fall into the abyss of darkness. But then, I am already in the abyss of darkness.

In the end, finally I m mentally ready for studying overseas. HONG KONG, HERE I COME!!!!

MY BIRD WAS TAGGED WHILE I BATHED!!!!

I was bathing syiokly...and when i got out from my bathroom, i found out sth sticking on my bird...and when i revealed my towel to look at it...OMG IT'S A TAG!!! GUESS WHO PASTE THAT ON IT!!! IT'S A FAT FISH!!! *FAINT*

-The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
-Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
-Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
-If you are tagged the second time.There is NO need to do this again.
-Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT!! ^^

1. gender of perfect lover of coz girl...(refer to my gay & best fren post...sure know my opinions d =P)
2. my requirements are very low when i come to realize a lot of things lately...the main characteristics i seek for is: maturity, kindness, tolerance
3. i dun care about looks...once i fall in love with the person, even she kena burned, scratched, distorted i will still love her, as long as her characters don't change
4. able to bear ups and downs in life with me without getting too hysterical/hyper/losing her head over sth very happy or utmostly sad
5. I love cooking...and starting to learn cooking oso. I wish my perfect lover would let me do the cooking and HELP me out when i m cooking then ok d. =P
6. healthy lifestyle...such as haf regular exercises and know how to control her meals in healthy manner (not trying to keep a deadly/unagreeable diet or eating to achieve obesity)
7. frank communication...when it comes to quarrel or breakdown i will tell her what i truly feel, and i hope she did the same. after the dispute i will cool everything down and try to change myself surely. but if no frank communication happened during that moment, i will be very beh syiok...and it will build my anger up.
8. erm...critism is acceptable, as long as it's loving. one thing is, i sometimes need my time by myself. leave me alone when i say that i need to be alone.
9. I accept all religions but STRICTLY NO MUSLIMS.there're tonnes of good qualities ppl who are non-muslims.STRICTLY STRICTLY NO MUSLIMS.

hehe...whose bird/groin shall i tag...
1. wei zhi the alabai's bird
2. shao thing the tulan's bird
3. samuel loh howe chuan!!!
4. XINCI!!
5. UNCLE THEAM!!!
6. amoi/bak kim/bak kim bak/black king bar
7. EE LIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. CHUAN WEI!!!!!

The Typical Penang Driver (Extreme Version)

I was on my freaking fast way to Lye Peng Travel Agency (Penang Road there…) to retrieve my passport after my China visa was ready on Friday…I drove with maximum speed I could on the road becoz a ping hwa fren going with us to HK said she gonna wait for me…but when half way to there, I wanna make a call…eh?? My hp leh????????? HOLY SHIT!!! Dun tell me I din bring it???? I went insane instantly and drove with double the speed back to my house, on the way back kena blocked by a lot fxxking school buses and desperate parents who forced their way to the side lane of ping hwa to park. I was so desperate then, and on the way back I honked god-knows how many times.

Finally I was home. I jumped down from my car after performing a drift-parking. (the tyres screeched in protest!!!) I went into my house, searched for my hp in every nook and cranny until my moh chang (hokkien, means hair all stands up in agony) but still cant find my hp…so in the end I decided to let it be. But when I hopped in my car, eh, why my hp is there at the corner of the passenger seat?? AHHH!!! IT MUST HAD SLIDED DOWN WHEN I DROVE!! HELL!!!! I punched my steering hard…God, I wasted 20 mins just like that!!

With three times the speed I stepped on the oil pedal and zoomed my old Datsun’s speed to 60 miles per hour towards Penang road…on the way to there, I thought ‘intelligently’ to myself that maybe I could avoid the ping hwa traffic by mere shortcuts ppl dunno…well, I succeeded mostly, until I chose the wrong road…the one leading to pulau tikus police station from the Bandar Baru supermarket road (I dunno what it is called…I hope u guys understand it)…Once I picked that road I knew I was gone case d…coz the traffic lights there are notorious for its ‘late-comings’ and short duration of green light. BUT THAT WAS NOT ALL. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, surely! There was one freaking ang mor who was driving a big fat stupid mercedez benz, and she seemed not to know that road is meant for two lanes…one going straight to new gurney drive/turn left to One-stop and the other one turning right to the pulau tikus police station. (get to know it’s a female ang mor…coz I planned to show that driver the international symbol when I drove past the car...but in the end din do it). Well, I dunno it at start…but when cars from my behind starting to take over me and the cars in front using the wrong side of the road, I went frustrated. MY GOD, I WAS WAITING ETHICALLY AND U GUYS JUST DO THAT??? I was so tulan that I push my car so close to the back of the car in front to prevent a freaking proton saga to slit in. To voice my anger, I honked four times when that saga attempted to slit in by force and I scowled at the female Chinese driver. At that time the whole road went chaos. It was due to the proton saga was on the wrong side of the road, blocking every car coming down on the right. The whole traffic there just stucked and the other few cars which attempted to follow the proton saga’s example were stucked too behind, on the wrong side of the road too. I really boh chap siao…the proton saga driver oso not brave enuff to honk me. “It’s okay…” I said to myself. “it will clear up when the lights go green”

But hell, it din clear up!! Why?? Because now I found out there’s that freaking big fat mercedez not moving at all!!! That freaking ang mor who was so…..polite??? she just let every car coming from a small lane on the left from the dunno-what-it-is-called residential area (ah yeah, chuan wei lives there!!) into our road, which in turn we’re not moving, and the latecomers from the small lane got to enjoy the green light!!! And to my horror, the cars just couldn’t stop pouring out…they are………UNSTOPPABLE!!! The proton saga on my right finally got a chance when the cars coming down on the right reversed a lil to let her through……..GUESS WHERE’S SHE’S GOING?? My goodness she turns left to the small lane!!!! MY GOD!!! It was just so unethical of her!!! And for the next 5 minutes everything is chaos again…now the cars are moving…but it’s the cars from the small lane…moving to our rightful lanes because of that freaking mercedez, and cars from the small lane which turn right into the lane on my right get to move because the cars coming down from the right lane were all stucked by another trying-shortcut-by-driving-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-roads cars. It was too…..=.=||||||| therefore in the end I decided to join the race for the green light contest. I immediately reversed my car and drove my car to the wrong side of the road, forcing every car coming out from the small lane to stop, and then I saw the ang mor in the mercedez whom I planned to show the international sign to. Had it been a local I would have done that for sure! But I din…coz it’s ang mor…she din know a thing bout ‘politeness’ in penang drivers.

After owning my rightful turn and leaving every cars stucking behind me to clear up their own mess, I drove smoothly to Penang road without much troubles. After retrieving my passport, I went to my parking lot (I parked on the left side of the road, where there are yellow boxes for cars to park) to go home. I turned my head back to look at the cars traveling past me, finding a gap for me to join the traffic (there’s no worries for cars in front coz there’s no way a car could appear in front for I am on the left side of the road, and there are no roads for cars to come out from). My feet were ready on the clutch, brake and oil pedal, ready to move when I found a gap. But suddenly I braked in horror because my head turned back in time to spot a motorcyclist driving towards me. WHAT THE HECK??? HE’S ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!!! And that freaking motorcyclist is a ah pek summore, and he came out of nowhere!!! I was so shocked that I din even honk. The ah pek din even notice the dangers he had just undergone!!!

What a day for me as the typical Penang driver…just that all that I messed up with were extreme cases!!! Frightful ones but I escaped unscathed in the end too. Next time I gotta be more hiong d. In Penang, drivers who dun follow the rules haf the big say. It’s all about being hiong.

The Undeniable Truth

I never wanted to write this. I knew it won’t come to me in any form of sensible notion but still the intuition drives me. It drives me hard, it infatuates me and it eats me from the inside every day and every minute I am breathing. I hope one day I will be released from this hell but I have been trying for two years. *deep sigh* I am still here. I tried to look at other girls but never once my heart could sway, not even a slight twitch of muscles. Therefore I guess if I didn’t write this I will soon become a pathetic soul encompassed by wild torments and anguish.

Long before I realize it was coming to me, I mean the gush of passions of love, it delved deep, residing silently. I would have guessed that will be the cherish of a lively sparkling chemistry of life, but then it seemed not to be.

After a few long chats with my best friend, acquiring advices and philosophies (impromptu? Lolz…) finally it came to me that I am a coward in the vocabulary of love. I am afraid to confess, I am afraid to ask something I really wanted to know, I am afraid to speak my true feelings…I am afraid to…I am afraid to…and I am afraid to!! God you name it. I feel the inferiority is infesting deep inside me, and it is disemboweling my organs which detect any sense of life in me. She is the one, it’s a truthful yes for me after I confirmed it two years ago when I met her, but then the fact which ‘I am not the one in her mind’ is topping over me, even for my situation now seems to be delightful and with hopes to my friends, this predicament/statement/fact/hypothesis is still superior over anything else. Or you speak as it suits, over everything. My heart aches with every thought of her and it aches even more when I struggle to get the very thought of my mind. It has lasted two years…I thought it would have stopped after I aborted the attempt of casting off my troubles by jumping off the train from KL last November (or December? I could barely remember). I hit my heart in the chest hard: “Mate, it’s time to stop thinking bout her”. It felt no pain. But only till now I realize the pain is still living inside me, just that it is kept aside from my thoughts. I think, after all, the very pain has become one of those subconscious vital signs in my life. It has become something like breathing and heartbeats, uncontrollable by the means of conscious minds.

Finally I come to understand why Dan could possibly love a girl for a time so long (10 years…or 9 years ++??) without falling for the others. He just couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I tried but I can’t. It’s like, everybody is telling us to think bout the reality, the real life, the future, the career, the jobs, the xxxx, the yyyy, the zzzz and till in the end it is nothing merely other than strong distress. I wanted to give her something, something I could which would serve to secure her life, and I would have given everything I have. But the age gap is there. I think a lot and I don’t think I am thinking too much. The problem still comes to the root of all roots: Will she accept it? Will she have any affection towards me? These questions trouble me so much until in the end I decided to give every single thing I have and not taking any. There I go, my friends, I am being eaten by the devil inside slowly. The grief and regrets inside build up every single day. I am helpless with myself. I have lots to give but I can’t because I am coward who couldn’t confess nor ask how she feels. I am a coward after all, ain’t it true? *deep deep sigh*


(Yellowcard – Gifts & Curses)
Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(she is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), a villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you ...


Above is the lyrics of a song which has accompanied my pain and sorrow all along. Yeah you bet it…it’s one of the songs written for the movie Spiderman 2. I am as pathetic as Peter Parker (spiderman). I failed to confess because I am a coward but still, every strife and hardships I am going through now or I had gone through in the past, she’s the person in my mind that I fight on with. I see her face with every punch I take…and every bone I break, it’s all for her.

Ya, my worst pains are words I cannot say, but still, I will always fight on for her. That, I believe, is the undeniable truth which I have been trying to deny for two years, and even now when I am writing this post.

It's About The Concept Called Time

Hola guys…now back to update my blog on my private stuffs ;-)

I had been in KL from 28th May till 1st June, and I got back to Penang on the 2nd June bus. Well, u guys wont believe it…the bookfest is GRAND!! 5 big halls of KL Convention Center are allocated just to exhibit the books!! There’s one conference hall in level 3 is specially rented for the purpose of holding the talks of famous authors from hk, Taiwan, china and Malaysia like: 陶杰，戴晨志，安焕然，蔡志礼，李昂，柴松林，黎紫书，傅承得…and countless famous people from other fields such as real estate, toastmaster, cultural profession and a lot more…well, all those talks really taught me a lot of stuffs, and I think in the future those knowledge I acquire from their experienced talks will surely put to use some day. And I bought 7 books…plus caryn borrowed me 3 books, and I still got 6 books at home to read...so in total I hafta finish 16 books in one month before going HK!!!!!!!!!! OMG……………………!!!!!!! LOLZ….

Talking bout KL, that day I was in KL caryn wanna borrow me books but because of sleeping late and eating lunch, I was late…therefore I rushed like hell to the nearest Pasar Seni LRT station…I was so shit fast that I ran the whole way and at that time the LRT arrived!!!!!!!! I was so goddamn lucky, I told myself. Therefore I ran up the stairs and board the LRT, thinking that how am I gonna get rid of the sweats when arriving in KLCC. But wait a second…..why the LRT is moving to KL sentral instead of KLCC??? OMFG!!!!!! At that time I realized I board the wrong side of the LRT!!!!! *sigh* It took me more time to reach KLCC in the end coz hafta come down from the station of KL sentral and board the opposite side of the LRT…lolz

For you guys’ info, I gonna go HK on the 10th july plane…..but still everything hasn’t been done yet…..the packing-up lar and a lot of stuffs. Lolz. Will slowly settle it…dun worry!!! Btw these few days ur fren here is very happy…coz what I dreamed of in lower six and upper six now finally come true….sometimes I was wondering, things in life really change drastically…we could be sad in the past but happy and resolved now…last November when boarding the KTM train from KL to Penang I thought of jumping it because my heart was too damn hurt and torn apart. The pain was like the thorns of cacti, jabbing me now and then when I am least expecting it excruciatingly rip my flesh off, even in my dreams everything seemed to be so dark and evil. But now, something amiss has been mended and I think I am happy that I did not jump off the train that time. Therefore I would like to advise everyone who reads my blog…dun think too much about killing yourself…..things might be desperate and cannot be solved at that time u wanna die, but if u carry on ur life, u will see it solved in the end too…nothing is big and worth dying for. Life is life, and others still live on even you die too. You must live on to see what you are meant to do on this earth before killing yourself. The meaning of existence on this earth is never explained. Find it in your heart. It is always residing there. Don’t die if you still could not find it. Trust me. Live on, is what I say, my friends. It’s the concept called time.

Bird’s Birdy Forum Part I

Topic: The Difference Of Gay/Lesbian and Best Frens…The Male and Female Dilemma

I have been drenching and thoroughly immersed in my own thoughts ever since I read an ‘ancient’ blog post of Wei Zhi (Holy-days-The Path of the Slack Guru, posted on Tuesday, September 27, 2005) and a comment by Jiah Ling which printed: “y is it that when 2 guys watch a movie it's gay but when 2 gals go out for a movie it's not?!!?? weird....” (first comment under the blog title as mentioned above, fourth paragraph)…Ignoring the misdemeanour of the ‘careless comment’ posted by Jiah Ling at first, thinking that she’s rather injudicious and tactless (or rather sleepy??) while she’s writing that, after some time it struck me in a twinkling: Would it be possible that both genders have different interpretation of gay/lesbian and best friends?

Therefore after confining myself to readings and contemplation for about a week, I think I have rigorously found the indistinct line of how male and female separate gay/lesbian and best friends both from the official and unofficial manners. Of course, it’s my own point of view, therefore I post this in order to refine it by receiving comments from you all considering this topic.

Official Manners:

Holding Hands

To the girls, to hold the hand of another girl means to establish a bond and trust in her, therefore it is an honour, leading to secrets sharing and sisterhood. It is merely an understandable ritual between both girls who are ready for the term ‘best friends of a lifetime’.

To the guys, to hold the hand of a girl means that after so much strife and hardships we finally are able to entrust our own feelings to that girl, and therefore take the lead of steering the girl’s living into the zone we name ‘love and security’. (this statement does not include ‘playboys’) Therefore, to guys, holding the hand of another guy in a way clashes with our predominant principle of the official ‘hold hands’ meaning and atmosphere. To guys, everything is simple enough and only has one definition. Therefore to hold hands = gay.

Watching movie

To the girls, watching movie alone with another girl is no big deal. To watch movie is to watch movie…where is there to worry about? They are there to enjoy the storyline and the romance of the production…so what?

To the guys…..NO NO NO. Watching movies is a pre-arranged and well-planned notion to get close with the girls we admire or wish to flirt with. Of course, watching movies with a gang of guys is a normal outing activity with no special intentions at all. But if it’s down to watching movie alone with another guy, the first thought came into our mind (even that is our best friend) is: OMG OMG, I am not gonna flirt with this guy, ain’t i??

Sharing the Same Ice-cream

To the girls, guy’s saliva may be disgusting but saliva of the same sex seems not to be that threatening after all. Best friends sharing the same ice-cream? Argh, nvm lar of coz!!! Nothing much right?

To the guys, girl’s saliva is a precious, while guy’s saliva is totally…TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!!! To us, sharing saliva with the girl we are in relationship is an unspoken excitement, depicting further acceptance of our love from the girls, or in flirtatious mood, something to be proud of. THIS FEELING TOTALLY SHATTERS WHEN WE WERE TO SHARE ANOTHER GUY’S SALIVA!!! Told you!!! Guys’ way of thinking is straight forward and one-way-street! Everything is simple enough!!! We don’t accept another definition for that!! Those guys who did, they are GAY~~~!!!!

Verbal Expressions

To the girls, being each other’s best friends means to care for the other, and to be there for her all the while, helping each other to get through aught and everything no matter it’s a minor problem or a major catastrophe. Therefore a girl could say this without any doubt to her female best friend: “I will care and be there for you no matter what!” without arousing any sudden glares or scowls.

To the guys, being each other’s best friends means to die trying to help the other out WHEN HE IS IN DEEP SHIT. If you boh-suu-boh-eiao (hokkien, meaning nothing to do) go and say this “I will care and be there for you no matter what!” to our best friend when everything is tranquil and peaceful, both of us will definitely feel very awkward, strange and GAY!

Unofficial Manners:

Distance between Best Friends when Sitting Next to Each Other

To the girls, being best friends is something affectionate and definitely worth cherish for! Therefore female best friends will choose to sit closely to each other, closer = the better friends and tighter the bond.

To the guys, there’s only girls whom we would like to sit closely with…for best friends? We will keep a safe and understandable distance between each other even when we were alone and to talk about secrets + sharing opinions of life. SITTING THAT CLOSE??? OMG THAT’S GAY!

Hugging

To the girls, female best friends hugging each other while walking together from any and every angles work just fine…it’s affectionate, and it’s warm and it’s caring.

To the guys, best friends hugging each other? Well, see where are you hugging! Male best friends often hug each other by the shoulder while walking…if they hug each other by the waist, OMG, THAT’S GAY! It’s because we use to hug a girl by the waist…it too, depicts that ‘this girl is mine now’ sort of ego. Girls, if a guy hugs you by the shoulder, BEWARE! Guys, if a guy hugs you by the waist, you knew it……IT’S GAY!!!


Well, from both official and unofficial manners, guys and girls differ much…it’s because guys are built simple and with ego! Well, I hope the girls could give me different approaches to this topic…I could have thought the wrong way the girls did in those ‘To the girls….” section….so please correct me and discuss with me in the comments section freely!!

WARNING: The above statements, especially the ‘To the guys…’ section does not include playboys, player and that sort of. It’s the same in the ‘To the girls…’ section.

The Ultimate 'Communication' Master -----> GLO

Wah today is so gy......u guys used to know that i teach tuition right? and today i stayed back after teaching them for a while, just for the purpose of talking bullshit.

Well, i bullshited a lot to them...lemme describe it...:

the fat gal, form 4, of my class (my class only consisted of three students) was asked by her grandma to drink sum 鸡精 before her exam...(pcghs exam is around the corner...) n she refused coz she said 鸡精 is very hot and not suitable for the body...well, very gai coz she went and asked me what is 鸡精 made of...then the bullshitting commences!!! I said, well, 鸡精, as how the words implied, is made by the sperms of chickens...then she laughed (the whole class oso) laughed in disbelief,she straight said i m a cheater (OF COZ I AM!!!)....but, keeping a really straight face, i looked at her, and started to wave my hands (like how the politicians do in their speech) and i actually go and draw a few organics structure representing the nutrients of the sperms of chicken (of coz bluff one) and bragged about how scientist found out why sperms of chickens are nice for health...

well, after 15 mins of bullshit, all of the class actually looked serious now...and they listened to me very carefully......all look so stern and slowly come to an agreement that i m saying the truth after they asked me a few questions (answered easily by organic chem...) and then the fat gal asked me another stupid question: then how the farm ppl get the sperms from the chickens ar?

Then i started...well, i said, u might not believe it u know, but i've seen the report from england actually.

They all looked so serious.

I continued:
The farm ppl...they put sex videos of chickens mating for them to see....on four televisions surrounding the barn...then the male chickens will start masturbating and then they collect the sperms from under the barn....well....in the past, they used to seduce the male chickens manually by using hands....that's why 鸡精 so expensive in the past and nowadays not so expensive d coz the production cost being cut down....

HAHAHAAHAHA......i laughed till wanna blow in my heart but looking at their serious faces, i decided not to break this 'joke'...and i laughed till wanna burst on my way back to my house......HAHAHAHHAA

and this fat gal oso very funny....i keh si keh si talk about bluffed stuffs of me and girls kissing....plus watching sex videos together to cut down the urge to make sex...(bluff till wanna ki siao d), well i bluffed seriously, and she really took it seriously!! GOD!!! and in the end i made her declared that she watched gangbangs sex videos of 3 ppl in front of the class, thus admitted that she searched for porn online oso........HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.....HIAK HIAK HIAK

and in the end before i left, i told them of a sex videos of the NTU & UTAR students making sex (they shot it with hp one)....how interesting it is and how keng it is then they all asked from me !!! (the fat gal, the other gal in the class and the clhs guy). Well, i said NO of coz.....but if.....i told them, u get 80 marks in ur coming add maths exam then i will lend them the videos + a lot of freebies :D :D

THEY ALL GO UPROAR....and they swear die oso wanna try......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOLZ LOLZ!!!!! this is really SIAO MAN....well, i am very confident they wont get so good a results....coz their add maths less than 20 marks one........HIAK HIAK HIAK....well, u see, teaching tuition can be fun oso, if u know how to bullshit and dig stuffs from ur students!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAA

HKUST is the short form for? guess.....;-)

Haha…guys sorry ya long time din blog. These few days I have contacted several ppl who are going HKUST as well…hmm, the list is provided by HKUST’s permission after we asked from them. Everyone has nice chat and happy to make new frens as well…I think it’s not so lonely anymore in HK.

Hey hey…guess what we have contacted our senior from Jit Sin who is doing his second year there…well, he said to us that HKUST stands for Hong Kong University of Stress and Tension…ah that really put us into a seriously troublesome state…dakada he told us to play hard during this time being…;-)

We proposed to reach HK by July 10th…taking the Cathay plane at 7.45 am on the 10th. Still it’s not really settled down, just a pre-plan….or u call that as a draft? ;-) Well guys that’s becoz we have a summer programme commencing on 12th July, and I also think it would be convenient if I could reach there earlier by one or two days to prepare stuffs…coz we hafta take exams after the programme ends  sux hor?

I am still considering of buying a laptop before going HK…well, since xinch has been back in pg these few days, I think I would go around with her looking at the models…the specs and stuffs, then only decide what to buy…..and xinch and I just discovered that I have amnesia problem from an event occurred long long time ago one…..well, we will keep that as a secret, right, xinch? ;-)

These few days my dial-up really got problems…kept disconnecting on its own and worse still, even I get connected after a while, I cant load anything coz it’s not ‘really’ connected as how it seems….strange hor? *sigh*

Well, I oso a lil paiseh these few days coz I overheard sum casual jogging fellows in the botanical gardens talking bout me….saying that I haf good stamina and cannot stop once I started running kinda stuffs…..hahahahahahaha…..it’s not that I wanna show or sth….just to clarify that I am not like how they put it!! :-P If u dun believe it, come and have a jog with me then u know! Hahahahaha :-P :-P

In the End....Hong Kong It is...Will Our Divided Path Join Again??

Sorry that I din update my blog coz my monitor finally died on Thursday morning 11.45 am…no matter how I tried to revive it…well….it’s not the cable problem either….*long sigh* so it’s DEAD. Well I m able to blog now becoz I just bought a new CRT monitor 15 inches…for RM 288. I think the price ok lar….got two years guarantee summore.

Hehe…anyway guys I M BACK!!!! Dun worry bout that leh…

Btw I think in the end it’s Hong Kong for me ler…I haf submitted the forms and stuffs and in two months’ time I will be off to HK…early July I think coz I hafta go through a summer programme before the uni programme commences….

I chose HKUST coz :

First, approximately I will spend HKD10,000 more each year in HKUST other than the HKD100,000 the uni gonna give me each year….and in total that would be, HKD30,000 which is equal to RM14,000. Comparing to Singapore where I dun haf any scholarship at all, thinking that if I might get full loan, I still hafta pay like RM48,000 at least for my accommodation and living expenses in that four years of studies….

Second, HKUST has a 3 years course while Singapore uni is 4 years. One year less and PLUS HKIE is one of the signatory boards in the world organization of IE…Singapore is not (I heard that Singapore is trying to sign up for the signatory board…).Course approved by HK has more power in the terms of worldwide job prospect. And I can work in Malaysia as well. ;-)

Third, THERE IS NO BOND!!! Singapore unis have bonds on u such that u hafta work for them after finishing ur course but HK doesn’t have that crap…..

So in the end it’s HK right? *deep sigh* Altho I dun really feel like going but I dun think wanna miss this chance of a lifetime to slip past me….And now I really dun feel like leaving ler…………..ARGGGHH!!! I m so not ready for this!!!

Well, all u guys know…in the end our gang all separated d…..Australia (Perth, Melbourne, Brisbane), Russia, England, Japan, Singapore, KL and now I m going Hong Kong….i guess finally it has reached the time for us to explore and conquer the world!!!! GAMBATTE KUDASAI!!!! ARGHHH!!

OMFG....BIRD GHEE'S PROFILE IS BEING VIEWED????

WAHLIEW GUYS U NVR WANT TO MESS WITH HONG KONG PPL I TELL U!!! SHIT THEY ARE SO EFFICIENT AND 'RESPONSIBLE'???? (or 'over-responsible'?)

God, i tot they are just going to call me telling me about the procedures and stuffs...ok...at start it seems to be like that....i mar listen lor.....oh....they are doing accreditation every five years...this year is the year they are doing the accreditation for civil engineering programme for HKUST....according to past 10 years record which all pass the accreditation it wont be much of a problem kinda talk.......

okay......it seems fine....but it still doesn't gimme confidence....until 20 mins later she suddenly asked: "yaya...i understand that u r a scholarship holder for civil engineering programme in HKUST?"

i started to sweat a lil....how did she know??
then the answer came swiftly: "ya i talked to the executives of civil engineering department of HKUST regarding this question that u haf asked me after the meeting with her...u r from malaysia right?"

*sweating more now* I swallowed my saliva hard and answered: "hmm...ya."

she continued,"well, i understand that the executive of HKUST civil engineering department Joanne had e-mailed u right? and i oso talked with the programme coordinator and this is my personal view...dun worry about the accreditation...."

i was about to say "hmm thank you" but there was no chance coz i m sweating hard...

then she said: "i heard that u r a very good student...just dun worry about it...even it's the worst case senario where it is not accredited, we will give the uni a year to improve it....the year of updating which is ur intake, wil; oso be covered..."

*SWEAT TILL CANNOT BREATHE LIAO*

there ended the phone convo by thx you and stuffs.

I M IN SHOCK......I M STILL IN SHOCK NOW. wahliew DOES A HKIE ADMIN has to take my e-mail so seriously???????????THIS IS......ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND I AM NOT EVEN A GOOD STUDENT!!!!!!!!!

in the depth of my heart i am thinking that i dun wanna go HKUST coz if i go there my results sux then.............................*sweat sweat sweat sweat*

A WARNING TO YOU GUYS!!!! DUN MESS WITH HK PPL.......THEY WILL TAKE THEIR JOBS SERIOUSLY AND THEY WILL CHECK UR PROFILE!!!! DUN SIAO SIAO!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY HKIE!!!!!!

WAHLIEW...AEGIS OF IMMORTAL??

OMFG......guys this is absolutely crazy.....

last night (monday night) i was updating my blog and chatting suddenly my monitor screen blacked out and nvr on again.....i frantically switched off the whole computer and then on it again.....still cannot!!! then i pulled out the monitor data plug from my cpu and try again....CANNOT!

Frustrated, i then switch power plug to another power source to ascertain whether the power source supplying electricity to my monitor could be down or sth....STILL CANNOT

Not willing to give up, i rest the cpu (surely it is not cpu problem...coz the data signal is still on and i can still hear the Beatles singing in my speakers)...and repeated the process mentioned above after every consequent hour till 4 am in the morning...still, the monitor cant be switched on...(cpu is fine in its condition...everything can work...)

therefore i confirmed that....shit, after 8 years my monitor finally ceases its service.therefore i plan to buy a new monitor TODAY...even i draw out the money d...planning to go with Sam to one-stop summore...but before i am going to have my lunch, i syiok syiok on the computer AND OMFG THE MONITOR WORKS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE SHIT......!!!! THIS IS TOTALLY A SHOCK TO ME!!!! IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT???

Guys, tell me sth.....is there a possibility that my monitor saved up an amount of money and bought an aegis of immortal (an item to reincarnate heroes in DOTA) while i played dota without me knowing it????? (i lost 4000 once when i played with AI...strangely hoh!!!!!!!!!!!!)

MY GOD........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Judge for me pls????

A call....??

Guys this is getting more keng......

Remember that i promise u guys to update bout the HK uni stuffs? well here it is...after HKIE told me bout they will reaccredit it on late october, i send them another e-mail again, asking them 'what is the chance of that course being reaccredited in late october?' and i told them about my due date on 2nd May to reply HKUST...

I tot there would be no reply...but surprisingly on monday (today) one of the admin of HKIE asked me for my contact number becoz he/she wanna call me on this wednesday to discuss about this matter...*sweat*

It's getting more and more siao...but i think since it's concerning my future, even i have to strip for porn website i will go for it oso....even the admin wan me to do gay pose oso nvm lar...let it be.....(u guys pray for my virginity on wednesday pls...coz phone sex might occur anytime)

I m ready to sacrifice my first time.......COME!!!!!!

(dun cry for me guys!!!!!!I know u all love me!!!!!)

Rainy Days + the Wish to Buy a Camera…

These few days it’s raining in penang…..*sigh*, I couldn’t even go to jogging…so everytime I look down on my belly I always think of Ah Yap…therefore today I m kinda happy coz it’s finally sunny again (actually, cloudy) and I could go for a jog nanti…15 mins later though.

When I look back on those photos Bird Dan and others took, I thought: shit, without camera I cant even record my own life….i think it’s time for me to buy one….money is still the problem but I think I can ‘work’ my way to it….maybe will try sum part time job to increase my income.

Those who have any good intro bout good digital camera pls tell me ya…I shud have a vague idea on how much is the budget that I shud aim for….

Memoirs Of A Birdsha (Part III) - The Crazy Photoes

WARNING : THIS POST IS 18 SX AND SHUD BE KEPT AWAY FROM CHILDREN UNDER 18 AT ALL COST.

Chin gy.....i hesitate for a very long time but finally i think i will reveal these.....er......really crazy photoes i took during the first Langkawi trip...

That time we were swimming in the resort's swimming pool at around 3 or 4 in the morning after siaoing for a whole day...and plan to siao again...(in the end a lot of us caught flu...)

At that time when we wanna go out of the pool, i used my towel to cover my body in order to 'resist' the 'damage' of the wind blowing on my already very 'thin' body. Then Bird Dan tot of taking pictures of us and i suddenly think of these crazy poses which made a lot of ppl vomit after they saw it....hiak hiak....u judge it lar...is it 'spit rice' enuff???


*sigh* very gai izzit??? haha i m so sexy


all of them said: cibai...u really hiao...i say no ar??? just a crazy pose anyway...hehehee

OKAY...ENUFF ABOUT IT...and if i make u guys vomit, hehe, i have achieved my priority. hiak hiak hiak hiak........

Mendoukusai

Well, the e-mail from Hong Kong Institute of Engineers has reached me…and it says the review of accreditation will be updated in October….WAHLIEW…that is like, er, a very long time! How would I know if I were to study in HKUST and in October their review is not accredited?? This is indeed mendoukusai and I feel like stabbing any of the admin from HKIE who accredits engineering courses…baka……

I still feel that I wanna study in National University of Singapore…*sigh*…will look into this problem in a few days time….coz I think that if I go HK to study an unrecognized degree and can still further my master in other uni which is recognized, then it wont be problem if I go HK to study

Still still, will keep on pondering it.

The Trend of Omegatrend

Aih…I guess lately most of the frens in my circle are into the trend of Omegatrend…dreaming to earn more to become millionaire one day…well, I am not birdy or sth, but if one could become a millionaire by doing direct selling, there would be hundreds of thousands of millionaires around us liao. But no matter what the fever of Omegatrend is still burning…..and it’s burning with a heat so intense that it does not seem that it would stop. (dan u knew it…haha)

One advice to those who wanna ‘invest’ their time in omegatrend…dun take it too seriously that u can be a millionaire by doing that business…concentrate ur time on current stuffs first (such as education, self-improvement) becoz:

1) Omegatrend works on the principle of services. Our circle is still within the age range of 19 to 22, and how many of us are now into earning our own money and using most of the services? (services such as Courts Mammoth, ING insurance, credit cards and stuffs…)

2) The core concept of maintaining this business is really…er…mendoukusai…becoz the points u earn every month will be converted to money and u hafta work all over again the next month…which means u hafta put in A LOT OF EFFORT to support ur downline and ur own line in order to maintain ur monthly earning stabile.

3) The same with the first reason….but in another point of looking at it…to earn the points, u need ppl(ur line, ur downline) to use services…but look at our group of ppl…how many of them will use that much of those services monthly? Are we buying insurances for ourselves now? Do we hold a credit card which we pay ourselves? Do we buy sofas and stuffs monthly? I guess this is an adult business…5 years later it will earn more lar trust me if u are really into it.

*sigh* that’s what I think of…those who are into this omegatrend thingie, take my opinion as ‘looking at it from another side’…and I dun mean to hurt ur ‘enthusiasm’.

On the Verge of Uncertain Future

Guys, I was offered the scholarship in civil engineering by Hong Kong University of Science & Technology…I know some of u might say that I m lucky but actually I m not…becoz this offer causes me immense confusion which torments me these few days.

First, I found out HKUST’s 3 years course is not recognized by Malaysia…though the amount of money given is a lot, but I think I would have to let this option go…this is indeed sth very painful.

Aih…I think I would choose Singapore uni in the end although sg din offer scholarship due to the reason mentioned above.(accreditation prob) But anyhow I will check the details of the accreditation HKUST engineering course coz last night when I surfed Malaysian government website, they stated that they recognize the degree…but I doubt that very much becoz HK Institute of Engineers still do not stated that they accredit that particular course.

I decide to wait for the news from Singapore uni first I guess…..*sigh*…will keep u guys update. Dun worry.