The tightrope

Days go by. I'm still here. I made some progress, and I couldn't keep it up tonight. *sigh* I guess it's time to instill some motion in what i m doing.

Let the rhythm of 'Gifts and curses' accompany me tonight to sleep. Tomorrow, I gotta jack my gear and set full throttle ahead. Well, i guess it's a showdown for me, since this semester decides the very last effort of me getting the highest honor in my stream. It's not about the honor. It's about my future. And part of it, because of her.

There're time I get to think about a life of my own. Guess I am slowly walking towards it, finally. What I really hope to do is to recollect my crazy pace of studying again. But then the light is around the corner...I started to see it shining.

Tomorrow, I will walk the tightrope. What comes next, I will update you guys about it. I promise I won't let you all down. And the promise I made in your living room, it's a lifetime promise. I will work to death to fulfill it, no matter what to come. It's time for me to become stronger.

I have faith in that. It's a promise.

Not so far away

Tonight, before sleep, I decided to talk to myself again. Is it time that drifts me away from my course of action again? After reading xinch's post and get to say goodbye to ee lin before she left tomorrow, I could say that I got myself immersed into emotions again.

Attending Civl111, a course bout construction materials today, got lost between professor's lame accent and unclarified terms, I slowly drifted into a land between wary and dream. Everyone was so happy there. Dan, tst, xinch, june, caryn, ewe jin and a lot more who we use to hang out with...we're happy for no reason at all. Maybe we're happy just for the sake of the company, I never know. But i know when I wake up the professor had started talking bout fracture mechanics. It's about the propagation of cracks from a small hole within a block under pressure. With that huge amount of time piling upon our friendships, miraculously, I could say, we never form cracks before. I mean, once I got into an online fight with xinch but when she got into troubles I totally forgot what happened before. When xinch told me about it only then I remembered. Felt really sad over it. I really hope that time will continue to prove that our friendships hold true and strong throughout our course of life. Guys, I have trust in our friendships. Believe me or not, this is one of the only very few things that I have so much confidence in.

Yeap. Totally agree with xinch's post about the friends we make in a total foreign land. Those friends we make are the friends we choose to make, and they're who we choose to hang out with. Never to get this across my mind before. I had something further to add to this: maybe, if anything goes wrong with these friendships, me, the very person who made this choice, should be the one to be blamed and not others. I think this mere thought made me rethink those thoughts that seem so true to me a few days ago. It's my responsibility, after all. Not that I should bear myself the trouble, but at least, this is what I choose.

Just got back from library about 2 hours ago, finally, as I could say, I got myself into some motion. Haha, i mean, finally I started studying after staying stagnant for a time so long. It really feels good to grab the mere emotion to bury myself into the wonderful world of knowledge again. It never feels so fulfilling before this. Maybe I had gotten more open to ways to look at things. I feel that I m in another metamorphosis stage again. ;-)

Ee lin, take care of yourself. In a foreign land, you gonna start afresh. I wish you all the best. Well for the others, and myself, we've through a great deal. It's time to set the sail and reach far. All my friends, on the far side of the land that holds our dreams, I could see that we're already not far away. Hold on guys, just hold on. We can make it after all, no matter how unbelievable it is.

Drift away

Finally I realize how far apart we have drifted from each other. The very moment you stayed in my life during that time, it doesn't seem nostalgic to me, but rather, unreachable.

I really don't know how to explain my feelings. The time you held my hand and how I kissed you tenderly, we once exchanged looks that bind the magic called trust in each other. But now the feelings has shed off its color. It's nothing more than mere memories that lost in the jungle of life.

I guess remembering those moments bring me back to the part of me that once lived. No matter how drastic we have changed, I still have a part of you in me. Everything in the past builds a part of who we are today, that's life. After xinch reminded me of something my mind denied, I then realize that denying will only bring me down, eventually. We are bound to face something we called pain, because we will have happiness only when we know how painful and sad we were.

Maybe in days to come, I will forget about this mere thought of mine. I wanna record this, so that it stayed in the cyberspace long enough to remind me when I flip through my old posts. Life moves along with my mistakes. Time is to prove that I never make them again. I'll live a fruitful life, I promise you. You be good too, li qing.

Isolation of the mind

Now i understand fully what scars mean. When something called 'misunderstanding' and 'quarrel' happened between two friends who don't really see the real person in each other (as in not knowing each other long enough; or tolerate each other), the scars stay behind, and deepen by every day.

I never know what become of us. I just wanna say that, now, at least, that I finally understand what is mental isolation. I will just isolate my feelings, my true self from you. Today, the sky looks blue and bright, but we both know, we're cold from the inside. From here on, we end the tie i call: heart-to-heart friendship, if that's what you really want. Cheers man, trust me, when you open your heart or when you finally realize it, don't feel regret over it. I am just another passerby in your life, like you, in mine.

Reflection

I hardly recover from the deep emotions i m inscribed in after watching "A walk to remember", again. It's like, I had forgotten all those true feelings and old thoughts inside me all along. How hard I wished and fought my way to this good university i m in now, those old days when everything I have now seems to be so far, far away.

"Getting out of Beaufort is not a problem. It's more like figuring out what you gonna do when you get somewhere."

If life is ever so fragile, I hope the inner child will hold me in one piece, and guide me on with my true heart. Days in foreign lands are not hard; they are like fluid containers: they change me, they twist me, for good or not, I never know. But one thing for sure is I do not want to lose all those feelings once resided inside me. They're once my motivation.

Is something planned for us beyond this? I think I do not know, and do not wish to think deeper into it. I will lose myself while searching the answer in between. Sometimes there're too many theories and we kinda get lost in the maze.

I guess I do not need to look around for motivation anymore. It's already inside me, within me, and a part of me all along. It's asleep, or rather, it's forgotten.

A precious chance I fought all that hard for in the past, listening to the sad music I used to listen to, getting up late at night eating supper with a bunch of friends after a late study, watching movies depicting youngsters who fought their ways towards college...oh God, i can't believe that only 1 hour ago I just recalled myself those precious memories, ambitions and feelings that accompany me along in the long, dark night. This is what I've been looking for, ain't it?

Slowly caressing the furnitures all around me, I think to myself: it's time. It's not about getting motivated to study or do something in life. Motivation is a false light that always need to be serviced and maintained. Personally, I think I just figured out how to get over it. In the end, it's all about doing what I chose, and hold faith in the direction I want myself to be on. It's also about the faith I have in myself.

Faith.

Arrive; Attack; and Leave

January 24th, 10.30am, the airplane departed for Singapore, marking the end of my short holidays...a hard-earned 10 days. It's a period of joy and refreshment; new thoughts; newly found direction and, a refreshed self.

The Arrival

Saturday, January 13th, 8.30pm

The plane made a smooth touchdown, smooth as in even seatbelt is untied, you will still stick to ur seat, safe and sound. Both my palms are wet with sweat, since I gonna place my feet on the so-long soil which my dreams, personalities and love are built. The mere notion of getting to see and do everything I want flashed through my mind again. The song 'For You I'll Die' by Marion Raven played a sad tune when the seatbelt light was turned off. The land I used to be so familiar with, my family, and my dear friends. And her.


9.30pm
Well, i got myself in a cozy little restaurant (i know how to go, but dunno how to describe...nvm d ar, next time i bring u guys there lolz), had a lot of vegi which are so rareeeeee in hk. A long chat with parents bring back old days memories which I don't get to notice in old days.

10.20pm
Reached home, called xinch. She sounded shocked. Blah. I told her i gonna be back on 13th and here she goes again!!! SHE TOTALLY FORGOT. my god. I couldn't believe such a short-term memory person ever lived on this planet. She's so perfect to be Dori. Call her Dori Chin next time. I m sure we all know who she is. Got sze ming's number from through her. (actually it's---> xinch gave me june's number ---> i smsed june---> june smsed/called lydia----> lydia gave her sze ming's number ---> then june smsed me) Called sze ming. Plan wasn't going the way i planned. Shit wei zhi got his lazy bones and can't go out as he promised to sze ming a week before one again. So can't get to scare him in the first place. This also ruined my plan of surprising Duen horng on sunday. i guess i delayed everything by one day then.

The Attack Commences...

Sunday, January 14th, 2.00pm

Finished a game of dota with 5 insane comps on my old comp. Missed my old comp a lot. Half an hour ago i received a call from sze ming saying that cb dan will be out to send his bro to sch on 2.00pm, i guess it's pretty nice timing to get to his home around that time to scare him. But i got myself delayed becoz of the game. And worse still, I went to one-stop to buy myself a digi simcard before leaving for his house. I parked my car in a place nearby n walked towards his house. Time marked: 2.20pm. I got lucky. Dan's parents juz drove back. And his mum checked him out first and told me he's upstairs. Got upstairs silently, found him playing programme piano. Sneak up and tapped his shoulder. MUAHAHAHAHA...the first time in my life to see wei zhi so dumbstruck, and he can't talk for a long time. LOLZ LOLZ!!!

Monday, January 15th, 9.00pm

I was late...i was late and I was more than late. That’s all I could say at this moment…god…I sped off to her house with the rose I bought at around one stop area there. Hope that when I reach there, she won’t be sleeping d. But in fact, I was more than early. Lolz…gosh. I pasang kuat-kuat this time, formal open coat, long-sleeve white T, and nicely combed hair…haha, nvr see myself to be in such a good shape before. But then, it was like, ah, she’s not home…so I waited in my car, troubled bird dan by smsing him. In the end, I was too kin cheong, so I get him to call her with the ‘sorry, wrong number’ style to confirm she’s asleep or outside. Ah, the answer of engineering intuition is, yeap she’s outside.

In the end I waited till 10.45 sth, gave the home a call, YES!!! She answered it…hehe…got up to her house in no time (and breathless…becoz it’s 5 storeys tall), knocked the door and surprised her. *happy smile* Talked with her and her mum for 2 hours ++. (actually talked with her mum more….=.=||| ). But it really feels good to see her again. In fact, it never feels better than this. Days of being away from home, and distant calls, it drives me a little crazy d. Aihz…couldn’t date her then. Hafta wait till Sunday. :D

The Activities (January 16th till January 21st)

Yeah, never been so fruitful and packed holidays ever. Got out with old bunch of best friends, play pool, visiting relatives, attending wedding dinner, go back to sch to visit teachers and stuff. On January 20th, went sing redbox with dan, june, lydia. It feels good to sing again, lolz…June, u haf a very very good vocal, as always. And dan, u still sing with the same old croaky voice!! IMPROVE IT MAN!!! *rotfl*

On January 21st, I went out with her. Took her to a sad movie. This is the third time I saw her crying. It’s beautiful, to see the emotions flow. I get to like her more and more each days. The affection never dies off but grows stronger, I guess. Had a good talk with her. A better one than last time. It just feels like heaven. It still is.

Off to KL!! (January 22nd and 23rd)

Decided to give a visit to the old xinch and caryn in kl. It’s really sad not to be able to see them, u know. Reached kl at around 2.30pm, but waited xinch at kelana jaya until 4.30pm…my god, two hours!!!!!!!!!! It’s longer than the time I made her wait last time. God…payback time eh, xinch??? Cilaka….

But then I felt really happy to get to see her and caryn again. We went one-utama, had my belated lunch there, then went to xinch’s apartment and we chat and chat and chat and chat until we dunno when to stop. *sighz* It always feel like the time is not enough. And all right it’s not enough for sure.

Had dinner at william’s later. It is a really good dinner. Great dishes. Will get there next time if ever got the chance. (bring me there again xinch :D) Caryn caught cigarette smoke and got really allergic to it. Aihz…but other than that, it feels good. We then drop by caryn’s suite to haf a look at those photos of hers in turkey, and Greece, and we chat again. But xinch and I got tired, and literally nearly fell asleep. LOLZ. Caryn really haf nice photos there…u are bound to be a really good photographer in the future, caryn, trust me. Next time gonna get u with us to travel d. Really artistic feel in those photographs touches, really.

Went back to old xinch’s apartment later in the night, and we rock along with lostprophets’ noise. I get to like the band more and more each day. :D Had a nice shower. Ah. It feels really good to be clean. Then I slept on the mattress beside xinch’s bed. We had a pretty cozy chat in the dark until we fell asleep. Wah, xinch, it really feels good to see you and hear you again. Miss your presence in penang, and I miss it here in hk too. And I was really sorry about what happened last time. I really feel bad bout it. But either way is, you grow a lot more mature and I see that you are less angelic d…LOLZ LOLZ. DON’T try to skip meals again or u won’t know what I will give u ur next b’day d yeah.

Leaving

Wednesday, January 24th, 10.30am.

SIA flight is waiting for me, at the other end of the gate. I already started to miss home already and my circle of friends d. Ee lin, sorry that I din get to see you this time. Next time la. *sigh* “All the best to you guys!!!” that’s what I said when my flight tilted upward, soaring into the white clouds in the sky.


Epilogue

Ah, today my semester starts d…it feels sienz, finishing my training two days ago. But then I got enough sleep d, dun worry man!! And good news guys…my CGA is A- now!! Yeah!!! Got encouraged now. I am still walking on this path, with a little piece of me growing old. Man, I love being me.

Past; Present; Future

Inspired by miss cucumber's review on past year, i thought i should do sth similar as well, since i need to think bout what really happened and some brief lookout for what i should do in the future.

time flies. i've been in hong kong for already seven months: i see a great deal, i hear a great deal, and of course i learn a great deal. but there've been rights and there've been wrongs. life ain't perfect, and i believe one thing, truthfully, which is that if one person continues to live being frank and truthful to him/herself, then life is at its best. ;-)


January was when the heartbeat increased and emotions stiffened. I had been visiting KL for a few times in December 2005 and January, and I received some information that really broke my heart. Crying is not the way out; tears won't come. instead, i felt blood, dripping in my heart as my life inched on. A birthday and a new year which came in a melancholic tune. I suddenly realized it's time to heal the long-scratched heart. I settle down, and read a lot of books. Mostly are Haruki Murakami's.


February sees a merry celebration of CNY. Of course, i didn't get to realize that celebrating CNY is such a big event for me until now, when i knew that i gonna celebrate my 2007 CNY in hong kong. Burning firecrackers, and hearing the explosion going off turns out to be a slow motion movie in my mind, with some sad tunes echoing in the distant. The atmosphere, family, friends and things that hold dear to me once, suddenly become so far away. Memory works in a funny way. When i could still remember perfectly, i just happen not to feel like missing home at all. But after 7 months in hk, and those memories began to blur and sway, I started to think of a lot of stuff that once happened in my life. Those gang of friends that used to cheer my old days in Chung Ling, my dearest 'family-like' friends who i used to spill my heart to, and my dear mum who i used to hug everyday i went back home. Things seem to be so far away. I didn't cry but i can feel a short stream of tears inside my heart.


March reveals the fruitful results of STPM which I had worked really hard for in upper six. Finally the dream of going to singapore university becomes so realistic and not blurry anymore. Life is still the same. Playing games with friends in cyber cafe almost 3 or 4 days per week, hiking, jogging and hanging out with my gang of friends. While applying for NTU and NUS, suddenly i come across HKUST while talking to my counselling teacher Miss Ung. Applied for it very last minute. Got interviewed for scholarship. Basically during that time life goes on really easily and i never thought of any possibility to go overseas other than Singapore.


April was a month pretty much the same. Only difference is that my heart is starting to heal. Finally i could face her with a 'healthy' heart during outings with her. Things get a little intimate but i was as pessimistic as always, and store all the feelings into the deep heart. At that time I told myself to look at the future with an open mind and let fate do what it should.


May tells the tale of swaying choices. I decided on my own to study civil engineering because that's what i like the most out of all the science and engineering. Medicine just not my cup of tea and to hell with pharmacy. Parents interfered with my choice but i decided that my choice is my own. Application for NTU and NUS and UTM all succeeded with my first choice as the results. Application for UTM is just a joke. Basically everyone knows that malaysian uni sux in every single way. Just when I decided to settle my mind down to think about life in singapore, i received phone call telling me that i might have gotten the HKUST scholarship.


June marks the month of tide turn. I kept postponing the decision of choosing between HK and singapore. Deep inside my heart i wanna go hk but seeing the face of parents I think that i should at least honour their decision for once in my life since I had been disobeying theirs and walk my own path all the while. (hahaha...here i mean 'big decision'...) My parents kept asking around about reputation and stuff and chances and at the end of june they said: "Hong kong", two words which mark the beginning of my challenge.


July sees the old ghee changed in a great deal. I got courageous and decided to confess to the girl I had been liking all along. Confession is made on the basis of telling her what i felt instead of wanting to be with her, which is something I only dream of. After the confession I depart Penang the next morning to Hong kong, leaving my dearest mum, all my good gang of friends (old wei zhi, xinch, jiah ling, june, samuel etc...) and her. Upon arrival of hong kong i completely lost touch of everyone except her, who kept messaging me once or twice per day on basis, which really made me cried everytime i thought of her. At that time i knew that i really like her and my heart hurts becoz i don't know what will become of in the future becoz nobody knows. I started to attend summer course then. It was basically maths and language courses which prepare us for uni life. We attend the course together with the EAS students (Early Admission Scheme) of hong kong. They are the top 0.5% of hong kong o-level and they could admit into uni earlier without having to wait for the A-level exams and stuff. Well, at start they prove to be geng...but at the end of the camp I finally picked my confidence up and be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with them.


August is the month when i get to explore hong kong and read up a lot of good books in my library. Jiah Ling arrived in hong kong and we got out!! Well, i really have to thank her a lot because: 1st, FINALLY I GET TO SEE ONE OF THE DEAREST FRIEND OF MY GANG AFTER TWO MONTHS!!!!, and 2nd, she's really generous to chia me eat a lot of really expensive hong kong food which i dare not to enter to eat usually. Therefore i made a promise to her that i will chia her back when i earn money in future! ;-) Hope you see this yea caryn!!


September is the month when war began. I got to know that JUPAS entry students of hong kong and mainland students are very geng. But still i just couldn't pick up the mood to study and the whole month pass just like that, without me doing any 'real' revision and all. September also marks the starting of a shitty relationship of mine, which i never wanted in the first place.


October the stakes got higher and i was totally lost in understanding what i really want in relationship. When things got to build up the way it is, i decided that i don't want to start anything right off the point. Everything got really troublesome and i was struggling to get off everything that troubles me.


November i faced the first mid-terms of my uni. Frankly, i did not do well because i only prepare for one subject and the rest i just use my intelligence and luck to get them through. Stumble myself on the computer programming subject. 1st is that i did not touch the subject at all. second is most of my time is robbed of. Finally i succeeded in casting off any relationship that came into my life. I decided not to touch anything else. and from all those events, i knew one true fact: i had 'her' inside me which i never get to erase. she's always there, residing inside and no matter how i wanted to escape it, she poses out as the one in my life. this feeling is not obvious but it is the core beam of my heart platform. I never realised that she is so so so important in my life. All these stuff accumulated and i got really sick. For at least 7 to 9 days i couldn't get up from my bed and attend any class. Things get really messy and it's the darkest month of my whole life. But at the end of it, i started to see light.


December i hafta face my finals. Had a talk with my best buddy wei zhi and decided that my mission is to help ppl to be self-aware by means possible in the future. Contributing to the society becoming something i can work for and not just a dream. (thank you wei zhi). Although studying for final seems to be late but i still put my whole effort to it, betting it on my last gamble. Conclusion after a lot of talking and discussion with my best friends said that i hafta face the true feelings inside me. She is the one, no doubt of it. And later of that month i got to know that i hafta do industrial training and exam during my winter holidays break, and this really is a sad news. Stucked in hong kong, and thought of giving a surprise present to dear old xinch whose b'day is on december 30th. HAHAHAHHAHA bet u get it xinch!!!!



After january 1st of 2007, i m officially 20. Counting the old days and reviewing the 'me' now, i haf really a lot to sigh about. Looking at the results of mine now, i know that i could do a lot better next semester. I will aim for A+ or A grade of cga and get myself to exchange to US or japan the year next. it's time to see the better side of me. I hafta fight for my own future, again, after going through all these tests. For my dear mum and family, for her, for my dear old friends and for the world.


P/s: life is a mess without you guys around me!! Wei Zhi, Xinch, Shao Thing, Ewe Jin, Jun Yi, Jiah Ling, Samuel and a lot more...i really hope you guys are doing ur best too!!!

A Brief but important update

First and for all, i gotta announce this:

UN has officially declared that 30th december is Cucumber Day, starting from next year onwards. This is in order to pay respect to Miss Cucumber (a.k.a. Miss Chin Xin-Ci) who was born on 30th december, 1986. She has managed to survive in an urban city by just eating a cucumber per meal for a month, continuously. UN committee was ultimately impressed by this fact and they decide to name december 30th as Cucumber Day in order to tell people how important the will of survival, and not least, cucumber is.

Let's remember this day, forever and ever.

Tolerance; Being sorry; Tranquility

Conflict is inevitably encountered in a place where u live with ppl in the same space, especially the same room. There, of course, had been harsh ones and had been soft ones, the thing i keep wondering about from day one till now is not about how to avoid one. You never could avoid one. That's the iron fact.

So the main point is about resolving one. Since it's already inevitable, the thing is how we extinguish the sparks before the fire actually bursts into evil flames that will eventually engulf everyone. Of course, the very first thing i could think of is: tolerance.

But then, is tolerance all to it? or in other words, does tolerance really work?

No it didn't. for my case that is. I found out that the more i tolerate, the more the anger builds up. Because i have some principle lines which i myself couldn't even cross over it. It's not about me being stubborn, to be honest. Sometimes i just couldn't see it happen. The attitude of other ppl doing it, and provoking it by doing it again intentionally really burn your eyes out. You feel like strangling them but you just withstand the anger. As i put it, i store the anger in an unknown memory space which i tot i could delete it subconsciously. But what happened in the end was accumulation of galleons of fuel which is able to tear down at least twenty warehouses. Tolerance is not the key. It rots me out from the inside. I felt that I am more and more devilish each day, with the anger and conflict kept reigning in me everytime a piece of others' doing invoke it.

So, confrontation? Well certainly it doesn't work. Not that it won't, just that different ppl need you to think of different approach. that's really troublesome. because when you think of diff approaches, you HAVE to think from various viewpoints, including putting yourself in the others' shoes. When you're on fire, don't tell me you could do that objectively. No one could. Therefore there's more than 50% chance that a confrontation will induce a heated argument and worst-to-worst case, a tragedy of brutal fight or body contact. That, is unquestionably out of the way.

Therefore I had been wondering this far: what do you do when you're dealing with ppl who are harsh and stubborn when it comes to conflict? You tolerate, accumulate the fire and then you burst into flame? you talk to that stubborn guy, you guys couldn't agree with each other, and then comes to body contact (verbal abuse)? you let him win, and you yourself feel defeated and not yourself for a few days?

For this semester, i learned a lot from my courses. Now i m learning bout dealing with conflicts, psychologically i mean. well then, when i m hard-headed and stubborn, i found that things couldn't go straight. and then when i m soft and tolerable, ppl kept taking advantage of you until you die of the power of giving more. To find the line in between, sorry...i couldn't do it. at least not me. Either way, when i m about to reach the extreme, i will pull myself back, which in the end it hurts me inside, deeply. but i guess i m getting the rhythm of it now, slowly, slowly.

maybe it's not about tolerance, and it's not about getting myself right or getting others right. and it's not about being stubborn, or being soft. and it's not about being in between or neutral. it's about being wise.

some people just couldn't change. or they're changing---slowly---just that now they're not in sync with your mode of principle. well, you guys probably say, of course. one thing funny is, there're tonnes of 'of course' facts around us which we already know, yet we're not wise enough to understand it. That's why the simplest wisdom always come with the simple facts. what to do when u meet a hard person that you couldn't possibly agree with? be wise. don't even start the conflict. and don't get emotionally attached because that person maybe didn't even care. Not that he doesn't, it's that he doesn't even know of the principle you hold, and that principle is something he doesn't even think of his whole life. well you see, for us, when we accidentally hit someone, we will feel really sorry bout it, and then you try to compensate the hurt one by apologizing or provide care. but you see, today i m elbowed, which resulted in my spectacle stand jabbing into my right eye. he doesn't even say 'sorry' at all. he looked at you, see that you're not blind, then he feels morally okay. you might say: wah, fuck man, this guy sucks. but then, to think over it, he doesn't feel sorry bout what he did because in his own definition, there's no such thing as apologizing when something like that happened. The degree of 'being sorry' is different, and the 'principle lines' also differ for different people. One old fact: you couldn't satisfy everyone. Rephrasing it: you couldn't expect everyone to satisfy you. It just won't happen.

therefore the thing is not to tolerate. It's all about our mind. Sit down, reflect on it. like what i m doing now by writing this blog. since the person didn't even care bout it, why you do? well, at least i can smile over it d. we live by our own principle, but not by superimposing our principles on others. being wise is about letting it go. To let it go is to think over the event itself. who would care bout one little conflict 1000 years later? you see, we might die one day without even knowing when we will. maybe the next minute, maybe next year, maybe 60 years later. were i to keep this anger inside my soul till the very day i die? it occupies space, memory and emotion. someday we will become a serial killer if we continue to be like that.

finally, i m able to be feel contented. self-satisfaction is all to it. live by your own principle, let everything go after thinking over it. people don't invite you to something, then? you will die? or, you feel bad for a few days? ppl dun agree with you, verbally abuse you, then you retaliate, u guys haf a fight, then you hafta think of a way to dispose your anger. whoa man that take days. it just didn't worth the effort and time. i find it funny that i can let ppl make fun of me, even about my death but when i make fun of that person, he just will attack you over and over again. so the bottom line is: don't raise a topic without thinking bout what will others will do to you.

i guess i decided to keep it this way: 1) less involvement when sensing something is wrong with a conversation (smell of the sparks). 2) withdrawal of verbal attack on other people from the back. 3) listen, and talk only when i need to. 4) smile it off when feeling not straight because sooner or later you hafta smile it off too. 5) self-discipline.

i think the thing is to detach myself from the surrounding. i am more and more expert in doing this lately. when i detach, it is as if everything happening around me doesn't haf an effect on me anymore. not that i dun care, but just that some stuff has its effect wear off because it doesn't mean something tht cibai to you again. everything around me is moving in slow motion, and in an extremely tranquil pace. such a comfortable mode i could switch to. then things will become clear. living becomes something natural again.

life is about being myself, naturally and peacefully in the mind. reflection brings improvement. at least today i know that what i do will provoke ppl. next time, i won't do it again. smile it off, man, smile it off. a tranquil mind is the healthiest solution:

be wise but not arrogant;
let it go after reflecting but not to tolerate;
smile it off but not to fake one which is just to provoke someone even more;
keep quiet but not when you're in dire situation to fight back;
live by own principle but always think of the consequence of your doing;
detach but not to be irreponsible.


Alden Nowlan: the day the child forgives himself, he becomes wise.

Senses

Tomorrow, or, to be more precise, in the next 14 hours i gonna face two exams and i haf one assignment due which i only barely halfway through. I know i shouldn't be here, but i think if i dun type sth out here, i might lose sth more important in my life.

Stretched, that's the only word I can think about being in HKUST. You never get enough sleep because there're always unfinished assignments and quizzes. Well, at start, I was thinking about working till my bones break to maintain the scholarship in a relatively very tough place here [imagine competing with Chinese and local HK chinese], but then, after living here in HK, the so-called metropolitan city for such a long extent of time, I started to realize sth: everyone here works till they die, and they don't even know why they're living. Or, they don't even know they're breathing every moment.

Ask any teenager in HK around me. Ask them: What do you know about suffocation?
Answer: What? Don't waste your time on that.

Question: What is the meaning of life?
Answer: Hahahahahaha...why're you asking that? Are you serious? (repeat the loop till it goes to infinity)

Question: What happened in Lebanon a few months back? Do you know that Israel is signing a peace treaties with Palestine?
Answer: .......(look away, ignore you completely after hearing the word 'Lebanon'.

They just don't care. You talk about what the local HK stars are doing lately, they know it instantly, by heart. They're even better than the paparazzi. Take my word for that. Something is dangerously amiss here. In a city full of pride and serious lack of conscience to care about others and events happening outside HK, I feel helpless. There're thousands other people outside HK, facing different problems, having cultural and religion clashes here and there, and they care NOTHING about it. Then arise the question: what's the point they're studying in a good university for? a better career?

And i ask myself: Do i compete with these ppl until i lose my vision of myself? Is this why i go to university?

You own urself a first class honest and scholarship, a good job, then you work days and nights until u dun haf any strength to continue working. You retire, then you started to stay in front of television, living your life as a legal couch potato. Is that what i want?

If study is about career, wealth, status, then i think i'm not gonna give it a fuck. I said, c'mon man, what's the point? What do I really learn? The purpose in life is what we're really looking for. You see, in HK there's sth really stupid going on every day. There're christians trying to get ur contacts, and then they will call u furiously, asking u to go their churches by all means possible. God gives u the light, God gives you the comfort, God gives you the answer to your question of being a typical 'zombie' in a metropolitan city. What's the fucking lie? you baptize, then they go away. You're all by yourself, discovering God on your own. Well, I don't give a shit. To hell with these God stuff. Religion is only a false light. You thought you are saved, but then when you are alone, you did not dive into your own heart seeking for solutions and answers. Instead, everything is referred to as God's doings. Bullshit. In big city like HK, where pressure and sleeplessness squeezes everyone into emptiness, more ppl fall into these kinda false light. They fall, and then they forget who they are. They don't even know how to find their own solutions. Everything is a 'blessing'. An infinite loop, which recursively repeated until every generation in the coming future completely loses the ability to think. Chinese are pathetic. Hong Kongers are pathetic. One thing about Chinese from China and Hong Kong is, they always look for a model answer, an absolute solution, a definite answer. This drives me crazy. A race lacks of the ability to rethink ideologies and challenge the thinkings around them. I wonder, if Hitler were to command China's army, I'm sure in 10 years time back in 1941, Hitler would have grasped the whole Europe and Asia under his tyranny. (if America were not to interfere, that is)

I'm totally ashamed of being a chinese. I really am. Back in Malaysia, things aren't that different either. The generation after mine are getting more and more ignorant of the world they live in and they stop asking the big questions about life. I am growing tired of being able to find someone younger who could tell me objectively what he thought about life without any arrogance implied. Discussion about life and thinkings have been deemed as extreme stupidity and waste of time. Standing in the middle of Mongkok a month ago where thousands of thousands of people walk aimlessly, shoulders touching shoulders, I once thought: what has the people in big cities become? Is this supposed to be 'normal'?

But then, this makes it all clear. In the next century machines will definitely take over human race, because a lot of people among us are losing the ability to think. One day, when machines start to tell every newly born human that machines are the God in bible, or in Quran, i guess, nobody will object it. Jesus will turn into an icon of super AI created by machines to walk through time tunnel to go the past to save human race. The staff Moses used to part the sea is nothing but a strong magnetic divider. Judgment day is already over. 'God' decided to take over the human race once in for all, sending his 'angels' (machines) down to earth to teach us about how to live a peaceful and happy life.

Sitting in front of one of the desk in HKUST's dorm, I look out of the window beside me. Tomorrow I gonna have two quizzes, one assignment, and one lab. So? So what? I look out of the window, I see thousands of still-awake chinese [from China and local HK] flipping their books furiously at 3 am in the morning, slowly march themselves towards the realm of machines. Once, religions dominize our thinkings. Finally when we're able to question and overcome it, the coming generations are slowly being taken over by the domination of machines.

I pray for my own senses to spring alive every moment I live. I feel alive when I know I am still able to think, to reflect and to judge objectively. Tonight, I know, finally, what it means to be a human.

Amen.

你的脸颊
还有似柔的，不曾被轻拂过的细发
于叶片交错，高木重林中的阳光闪烁间发光；


我猫在枯燥落叶堆旁
悄悄地向遥远的太阳礼拜
希望闭上眼后
我对你的思念
会化作几道无形的紫外线
在你最不经意之刻
为你寂寥的心
带来一丝的暖意与慰籍


这样，
就够了

Philosophy or Fiction? The line that converges...

Watching 'One Tree Hill' has provided me a wide source of really good authors who are oblivious to us, especially those who doesn't really read english novels, names such as Ayn Rand, E.E. Cummings who once celebrated renowned fame in their times seem to be a lost thread between the space of nothingness. We are yearning for good authors, yet but only to get our hands on authors who thrived in romance, suspense, action, mystery and fantasy...authors of fancy movies or screenplay-to-be stereotyped novels are indeed more than common nowadays. Fumbling over the racks of bookstore or library? A vast sea of books are waiting there for you. Do you have the one in god-knows-how-much chance to find a book which inspires many and worth your time? To be truthful, me as a reader myself all these years, have tried all sort of ways to dive into this little forgotten corner and only reach as far as classics and popular reads in the newspaper section.

Reading classics and popular reads won't make you dull but the sense of losing touch with your own senses tells you that you are craving for something philosophical but yet not as heavy or serious as the materials which are crafted in an overly professional manner in the superficial meaning of 'philosophy'. You might like something fictional, yet mind-tickling. And then I found Haruki Murakami. He rocks, and he continues to.

Until then, I find another author which might bring your attention closer to the screen. I say this, try 'Ayn Rand'.

It is a big name. But I never heard of it. You might pinpoint me on that, telling me that I am really out of touch with the literary world. But here I am, discovering big names which I never heard of every day. Name it: Shusaku Endo, E. E. Cummings, Truman Capote, Ayn Rand...well, you know.

So let's put it short. This post I concentrate my topic on Ayn Rand. She's another author who successfully merge philosophy and fiction, blending both of them into a world of self-discovery and deep pondering. You might ask why she's popular. Then here's the answer: her book "Atlas Shrugged" was and is voted as the second most influential book in the whole America after Bible. Good news: it still is.

A book which delves into materialising the theme of what man lives for, she scourged every possible ground you may think of to give answers. Answers in the forms of questions. You might get yourself another set of answers, and that's perfectly okay with Ayn Rand. She encourages Objectivism. To realize a truth which exists beyond our conscience. She did not deny religion, but she refuses to include religion into our way of thinking. I agree with her the most on this. Why referring yourself to the divine for all your unfound answers? Are you happy with the answers you get? That God is watching over you? You can find the perfect peace and serenity deep within you? When it comes to that, certainly, everything is metaphysical. It has nothing to do with your belief or your faith or your set of rules or other people's set of rules or the Bible's set of rules. All is you and nothing but you. You want an answer, then you understand it, and you live through your questions, then eventually you will reach it.

Grab a copy of "Atlas Shrugged" and tune yourself into a self-discovering path. You might think otherwise than the author, and you are encouraged to do so. It's you yourself who is facing the situation right? It's not the author. Think freely before assigning your mind to certain boundaries or set of rules. To be yourself, a 'yourself' which is wise enough to ponder over the rights and wrongs of your own actions.

Hahaha...i relax my tone a little bit now...this book is about 1000 over pages. So don't stick your tongue when you find out the price of it. But then, it's worth it. Trust me. ;-) Luckily my university's library has it. hahahahaha...as what caryn puts it, my library is the dream of all those hungry readers like her and me. :-P

I end this with a quote:

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

- Ayn Rand "Atlas Shrugged"

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."

- "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinback.

Feelings: We live up to them

Note: This post is specially dedicated to xinch and all my best pals around the world.


The Sentence
by Anna Akhmatova
And the stone word fell
On my still-living breast.
Never mind, I was ready.
I will manage somehow.

Today I have so much to do:
I must kill memory once and for all,
I must turn my soul to stone,
I must learn to live again—

Unless . . . Summer's ardent rustling
Is like a festival outside my window.
For a long time I've foreseen this
Brilliant day, deserted house.

Translated from the Russian by Judith Hemschemeyer

There's a time when everything seems to be idle and dead. People having fun, dancing, enjoying everything around like they never had, and you are there, sitting at some place alone, without the whole world noticing you. But the feeling is so calm and soothing. You feel contented. You are self-sufficient. Something has changed, sometimes you wanna turn back the time, but still, a place inside your heart whispers: No, don't.

You struggle for a while. Then you stop struggling. You begin to remember and then you cry. You wipe your tears and then you stand up straight. The whole world which seems to be so familiar turns out to be so unusually strange. You know what you are capable of now. You see through a lot of stuff which you never did.

Back then, you killed your memory. You turn yourself into a stone. No, that was not bad. It isn't, not at all. Others believe it or don't, you know you had gone through everything that would have changed things the other way round.

Therefore, deep inside, you know this by heart:
Never mind, I was ready.
I will manage somehow.

Things that had passed never come around again. You know that instinctly. We don't live another life. Choices made are made sure to be made wisely. We bear with every little consequence of every little choice we made. You finally realize that. Therefore, those people who had betrayed, befriend you again; those beautiful moments which seemed to be so true and close to you once; those days when you sit with so-called friends of yours on the bench, laughing your head off and thinking of never seeing sun rising again; those many many moments and stuff which you hold ardently deep within, all of them, is separated from you in a sudden. You are walking alongside your friends, having moments which you think you will cherish before this, but then, you only see stillness. You feel...contented.

Then pass were those days. Today, you and I, we truly know that we have changed. Those things will never cherish or hurt us again. Not because we don't have anything to do with it anymore. It's just that we are through. Thoroughly through.

From today onwards, we realize who are our true friends and what are our true feelings. We live up to them, and we will always do.

Summer's ardent rustling
Is like a festival outside my window.
For a long time I've foreseen this
Brilliant day, deserted house.


Long live the days where everything holds true and dear to us. You and I, we'd held our hands and walk through this. Tomorrow's today, you know it, we're one, all my dear friends.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose the ventures before us.


William Shakespeare, Julias Ceasar

Concentration

sorry guys bout not updating my blog...i haf been off for a few weeks due to sum problems i faced and i m happy here to tell u guys that i settle it d...so i kinda contented. but another problem comes up now: i always dun haf enough time to study.

i know it might sound like a proscratinating reason for u...but i simply just dunnno how to manage my time for a subject well. i guess i hafta ponder over about it d.

and i guess i haf a few habits to get rid of as well. for instance, shaking my legs. this bad habit is a bad habit becoz it really lower my concentration level to its lowest when i study. i found out that if i continue doing this, i won't have proper thinking going my way. fuck it. but i hafta face it.

juz finished watching 'catch me if u can'. i get sth from it: you pay for what you get. I got my 100k scholarship for a relaxing life? u kidding me? if i hafta get easy money, then other form of payment will come my way, one way or another. i guess concentration is my issue now. i believe that if i can manage my concentration, then time management won't be as much of a big problem d.

to the lords or whoever that's watching my back...i gonna do it. and i hate losing, especially to myself. come my way, concentration.

Shuffle, then find your set of answers ;-)

sum update finally...been goddamn busy lately...my uni is definitely shit. but today i sorta relax the whole day...watching smallville (freshly downloaded) and doing nothing. iish...it's 4 in the morning now. i guess tmr i gonna start catching up on my studying. I LAG BEHIND A LOT D AND I M STILL HERE!!!!! SHEESSSHHHH!!!!


well, first thing first, xinch started this as a tag, which in fact is NOT a tag. therefore i gonna be kind this time. Juz having the fun doing it...so feel free if u wanna do this tag and dun do it if u dun feel like it. ;-)



————————————-

1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
4.) NO CHEATING!!!

{all right i gonna add a rule to this...becoz i do listen to classical and sentimental, so i will skip those songs. and i gonna do english songs, chinese songs and cantonese songs. maybe hokkien as well. ;-) }

*here it goes!!*


1.) How am I feeling today?

"Here, A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight"

yeah maybe i was holding on too tight...been thinking over this thing since xinch scolded me. :-(


Yellowcard - Inside Out
Lyrics


2.) Where will I get married?

"Who made up all the rules
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don't care to think them through"

never pre-decide anything in your life. it's good to have a goal, but not a whole life pre-planned.

Jem - They
Lyrics


3.) What is my best friend’s theme song?
Coldplay - Swallowed in the sea

this part of the lyrics suit his role play in my life the best:
"You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong "

Lyrics


4.) What was highschool like?

"Well don't you know I can't take it
I don't know who can
I'm not going to make it
I'm not that kind of man

Oh I can't sleep at night
But just the same
I never weep at night
I call your name"

relationships....relationships...that's the ups and downs in high school. :-X

Beatles - I Call Your Name
Lyrics

5.) What is the best thing about me?

“管他頭痛不頭痛 (有人這樣努力 我只覺得光榮)
我的頭痛不再痛 (能夠生存就有恃無恐)
苦痛說了沒人懂 (愛人沒有用 我一樣很有用)
我想什麼沒人懂 (沒有人歌頌 總有人被感動)
不具名的演員不管有沒有觀眾 謝謝儂"

It's about believing in my own path, and to survive throughout it.

Eason Chan - 謝謝儂
Lyrics


6.) How is today going to be?

"fly away
當我不顧一切無止盡追尋
有一個人 有一顆心
早已經默默之中在那裡"

thinking bout finding something in the future. really hope that someone will wait for me in front. then i dun haf that much of tension.

Fish Leong - Fly Away
Lyrics

7.) What is in store for this weekend?

"Oh darling please wait for me

The stars up in the sky, you know they know the reason why
I, I feel so blue 'cause I'm away, I'm away from you
Yeah, I'll hold you in my heart 'till I can hold you in my arms
Oh darling please wait for me"

About the issue of waiting for someone, again. *jeez...this shuffler is pricking my heart isn't it???*

Elvis Presley - I'll hold you in my heart
Lyrics


8.) What song describes my parents?

“醉里挑灯看剑 梦回吹角连营 弓如霹坜惊弦 风流总被雨打风吹而去 怎见气吞万里如虎 一笑人间万事 春风不染白发 怎忘寒冬冰秋 醉里且贪欢笑 颇未老乐悠悠 何处望神州 不尽长江滚滚流 千古兴亡多少事 金戈铁马战不休 天下谁英雄 赢得功名在身后 蓦然回首 数风流 非皇非帝非君非诸候"

this is all the lyrics...basically all fit...lolz

羽泉 - 辛弃疾


9.) How is my life going?

the tunes of a flowing river...yuppy...this is the perfect song for this answer. my life is flowing like a river now, leading to an unknown land, but yet i know i m heading somewhere.

Enya - Adiemus


10.) What song will they play at my funeral?

“Let's all get up and dance to a song
that was a hit before your Mother was born"

Beatles - Your mother should know


11.) How does the world see me?

"Oh My God 別這樣我已無力再反抗
找不到一句謊話騙自己"

resisting good endings all the while, and saying sth to lie myself, even sometimes i intuitively know the answer.

王力宏 - 白狐狸


12.) What do my friends really think of me?

"The river sparkles like fire,
The meadows strech out like a coloured carpet,
The clouds are growing white.

There are no people here ...
There is just silence here ..."

i wished it was the real silent me.

Sarah Brightman - How Fair This Spot
Lyrics


13) Do people secretly lust after me?

"Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.
You're a friend."

James Blunt - Cry
Lyrics


14.) How can I make myself happy?

"No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
With you"

yeah...that's the way.

Linkin Park - With you
Lyrics


15.) What should I do with my life?

"是一再的做 一再的錯不由我
我一步一步一步一步 慢慢走向流沙"

ntg. it's about doing what i shud do now. what's wrong, it's not to be decided by me.

David Tao - 流沙


16.) Will I ever have children?

"從前曾幻想
天天向上勇敢自強　可中獎
然而誰知道
一想你　忘記堅強"

*weep*....speechless. juz thought of sth.

Joey Yung - 告解


17.) What is some good advice?

"相恋不能再倾国倾城
倾倒你心里越来越冷坚固的灵魂
此刻你也就别再等
不能再等不能再等让热情变冷"

This is for someone…that someone who dwells in my heart.

MayDay - 爱情万岁
Lyrics


18.) What do I think my current theme song is?

"Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard."

Oh my god this song comes out of nowhere and it hits!!!! =.=||||

Billy Joel – Honesty
Lyrics


19.) What does everyone else think about my current life?

“Please don't think of me
If you do you gotta block it
I got chills tonight
And you can't be here to stop it
I'm not a parasite
It's just a lonely night
Tonight”

You guys know it’s hurting me too…it’s just lonely nights in hk which kill me. Ntg more.

Robbie Williams – If it’s hurting you
Lyrics


20.) What type of women do you like?

"我爱你我爱你
我　我要　我要你　我要你说　只要说声爱
你为什么不　为什么不　为什么不敢说爱 "

*ROTFL* hahahahaha this is so funny!!

Old old song - 我要你的爱


21.) Will you get married?

" I'm in distress, oh mistress
I confess so do it one more time
These handcuffs are too tight
You know I will obey, so please
Don't make me beg
For blood, sex and booze you give me "

Wahahahaha…if I find someone who can actually SM me. This song rocks!!

Green Day – Blood, Sex and Booze


22.) What should I do with my love life?

" It's a chance to fix mistakes,
One more for the last time,
Does it blow our dreams away,
Don't waste this chance with your smile
10 seconds left on this dial,
This could be the last time. "

Arrghhhhhhhh…so chun…I gonna call her…this could be the last time for me to decide. At least.

The All-American-Rejects – 11 – 11 pm
Lyrics


23.) Where will you live?

" If the sun has faded away, I'll try to make it shine,"

Wherever I live, I will make that happen…anytime at all.

Beatles – Anytime at all
Lyrics


24.) What will your dying words be?

“I don’t wanna say good-bye.
I just wanna live my life with you.”

信乐团 - 世界末日
Lyrics


25.) When Im having sex I say…

"別再做情人　做隻貓做隻狗　不做情人
做隻寵物至少可愛迷人
和你不瞅不睬　最終只會成為敵人
淪為舊朋友　是否又稱心
沒有心　只像閒人
若有空　難道有空可接吻
註定似過路人陌生　你怎麼手震”

It’s the fear I m having lately...about sex being the temporary stuff or sth else. I dunno. *sigh*

Leo Ku - 愛與誠


26.) When I meet a guy/lady for the first time I say..

"If you wanna be with me, baby
There's a price you pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression "

Uiseh….best answer!!!!!!!!

Christina Aguilera – Genie in a bottle
Lyrics


27.) When my parents are angry I say…

“Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated”

Train – Drops of Jupiter
Lyrics


whoosh...finally had a good time doing this. i made my best to link all the lyrics website. there're some i don't do so becoz the lyrics is in my computer d. cheers pal. this tag is nice. found some of my answers too.

Evolution, again

New semester commenced; yet my life just is not as efficient as the time when i was in upper six...the engine is grinding but the energy is leaking out to the surrounding: i m feeling weak inside. i think it's finally time: another silent revolution has started beneath me. i can feel it growing stronger each day, like a conceived child.

Slowly the gloomy feelings before the change is crawling all over me now again. I have to make a decision, fast and definite one. I have to continue on my life. Study life here is about pace...and if i lingered on that any longer, it gonna take me out, for sure.

To walk the path, man, to walk the path. Challenges never stop coming yea? I think my goal here is to survive the first year with an above B+ results...I couldn't get my mind swayed elsewhere d. it's crucial, for the sake of my future, and dreams. No more than that.

*deep deep sigh* being tagged again...this time by a mendoukusai girl...

Name 20 people you can think of and answer the questions below. Then, you can tag 5 people to do this survey. crappy stuff...xinch, i will xinch u when i see u.

1. Wei Zhi
2. Xinch
3. Shao Thing
4. Caryn
5. June
6. Samuel
7. Ewe Jin
8. Duen Horng
9. Chuan Wei
10. Uncle theam
11. Bak Kim
12. Lip Kheng
13. See tatt
14. Wenying
15. Lydia the liar
16. wei gie
17. shun xiang
18. kiat eng
19. ee lin
20. mah the tiu
21. uchiha sasuke
22. gaara
23. harry macdowel
24. brandon heat
25. lau boon chong
26. tulan beng
27. TEMARI!!!!!
28. Haruki murakami
29. yellowcard
30. faye wong
………………………………………….

Question time:

1. How did you meet #14?
whoosh...the noisy housefly...classmates in standard 4,5,6. after that we get close...dunno how, but just that friendship prevails. a really good fren to have.

2. What would you do if you hadn’t met #1?
wei zhi ar...i think a lot of things will change. my way of life. my perspective. my value for a friend. man, without best mate on this earth, life could be devastatingly unproductive and i might had killed myself at least 10 to 20 times if i din meet this guy.

3. What would you do if #20 and #9 dated?
WAKAKAKAKAKA...chuan wei and mah tiu??? they just fit each other...chuan wei has the longest thing every male has on this earth and mah tiu has the biggest hole every male has on this earth.

4. Would #6 and #17 make a good couple?
nope. both of them are not gay. or not certified as gay yet.

5. Describe #3
this guy is terribly talented. in japan digging japanese girls' holes now. he keeps a lot of stuff to himself. relatively quiet and could be really noisy when he drank half a bottle of beer/snuff 2 mg of drugs. he needs cooling down. sometimes revealing the problems to frens help a lot.

6. Do you think #8 is attractive?
*deep sigh* no question bout that. she's the only one on this earth who i believe that i can love so deep & intense in my whole life.

7. Tell me something about #7
ewe jin is a nerd. he wants to be professional in everything, which is impossible. very 'uncle' oso. he needs reshaping. maybe take a course on romance or sth.

8. Do you know anything about #12’s family?
i know where they live and what kinda business they run. but, without her permission, i won't poke my nose in.

9. What is #1’s favourite?
Ramen! ramen! ramen!! no lar...juz kidding...wei zhi, he really likes to flirt with girls when his gang of friends need him around. ROTFL!! okay...serious now. he likes martial art, anime, (talking with japanese in dreams), speaking in fei language, grow fat during winter, surprise ppl, tell ppl that he wants to read books but actually din...i guess that shud include all. LOLZ!!!

10. What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you?
*faint* speaking frankly, i never ever thought of that. if bak kim confesses, i will most probably lower down my iq level to fit her or to tell her to keep a diet. the first one is impossible since it couldn't be done by ourselves. so, that leaves the second choice.

11. What language does #15 speak?
the language of a liar. she lies about everything. including herself. might haf a risk of being in delirium and confusion. she speaks herself of a queen (wtf? we are from malaysia!!!) and tot ppl worshipped her (what we do is just thinking of her when we're asked: 'who would u not think of having sex with in ur whole life?'). so basically...u know lar.....

12. Who is #9 going out with?
wahahahahahaha...what more to say?? chuan wei is dating my dog now!!!!!!

13. How old is #16?
20 now...in year 2006.

14. When was the last time you talked to #13?
the day he went to japan in airport. in march 2006. god i wanna tease this guy again.

15. Who is #2’s favourite singer?
xinch? wahahahahahaha...she listens to all craps!! including kids' song. dun believe it?? check her i-pod. she has 'bla bla black sheep' and 'old mcdonald'!!!

16. Would you date #4?
seriously? talked with her bout it in hong kong...two days ago...which is 24th august 2006. for the time being, no. in the future? i dunno. let fate decide lar aiyo...dunnit to be so mahuan.

17. Would you date #7?
holy crap NO!!!! not even if i were gay.

18. Is #15 single?
hahahaahahhaha...i guess her parents won't check my blog right? NOPE she is NOT

19. What is #10’s last name?
Khoo. he is so proud of it. he boasted about what most ppl with this surnames or sth if u ask him bout his surname. really crappy guy. duh. theam, get a hold of urself. listen sincerely to others!! :D

20. Would you consider being in a relationship with #19?
still the line: "let fate decide.". currently 'no'. she needs to get more mature. (hope u won't faint yea :D)

21. What school did #17 go to?
now currently in 'inti' after form 6. why? coz he wants to study aeronautical engineering in america...wah, is he rich? not really. he will work and study in america. this guy affects me the most in form 6. my vision and effort to reach my dreams grow wider and stronger after i meet him. thank you, shun xiang, for everything.

22. Where does #6 live?
CO Lim road in penang. god i know the way to his house like the back of my hand. use to go this guy's house to pick him up/drop him. really miss the days with my frens. *sigh*. this guy is currently in johor, UTM. wish ya the best, mate!!

23. What is your favourite thing about #5?
EVERYTHING. she's one of my best friends i could ever have in my life. and for that i gonna appreciate it more than anything else.

24. What do you think about #13?
use to be arrogant. but changes much d. basically a nerd. study everything 'professionally'. you could refer him as the first success of human encyclopaedia on earth.

25. What do #4 and #18 have in common?
wahahahahahahahahaha...both of them are boyish and girlish. a hybrid. both haf the potential to undergo sex change. that's all. LOLZ!!

26. What special qualities does #5 hold in your life?
the thing which i call 'true friendship'

And the tagged would be

Wei zhi
samuel
caryn
june
see tatt! hahaha
haruki murakami
dan brown
jk rowling
kishimoto
tony leung chiu wai
andy lau tak wah

after doing this tag, i found out that i m really lucky. i haf a lot of true friends in my life who i really value, and they value me too. i din see this in those classmates of mine. i bet i m the luckiest person alive. gosh....my life juz couldn't continue on its path without u guys...really, thanks a lot for everything.