佛

Bought a word '佛' on Mongkok streets. That guy used his feet to write such beautiful calligraphy. Simply amazing. And it costs only 80 hkd. So, why not?

And after looking at it for a while from my couch, it struck me how genius that guy is who translated Buddha into the word '佛'.

佛 is 人弗, and 弗 is a word which is often used to signify the meaning of 'no' in classical chinese text. The word 佛 is so brilliant that it actually means: 人不在. Or you can say, "He" is a human, but "he" is not there.

Such a simple and brilliant interpretation of Buddha into the chinese word 佛, to describe someone who is fully enlightened, and lost all egos that human possesses. He is there, but "he" is not. The shape retains, but the mind is already long gone.


-

The Malaysian Chinese Mentality

The parcel box I picked up from the Post Office *I was not in my room when the postman delivered it so I had to pick up there...stupid procedure*;

Unboxing begins!! Can't believe the T-shirt could be actually folded into such a small size;

woohoo! The T-shirt and the album, which comes in both CD and a karaoke DVD. Unfortunately, 我還是我 and 不罵粗話 are taken out because Malaysian government said the songs are *political*

Just got my Namewee (黃明志) album last night from post office, and the unpacking really is something. Fetching the album and yes, the T-Shirt out of the box, that's like, wow-ness.

Then it gives me some thought on the Malaysian Chinese mentality I seen. Well, I would say Malaysian Chinese coz it's a little over if I include the Malay, Indian, Kadazan etc into this puddle of water. Of course, to be honest, the Malaysian Chinese is a generalization of those who I met. But seriously, don't take it seriously. =)


1) Malaysian Chinese will be very shocked when you tell them they need to commit. Well, here what I mean is, tell them to sign their names on a particular political petition. Or tell them to write down their names so that they will be responsible for something in the future. Usually, they will laugh kesi-kesi-ly (假死假死-ly), and try to find an excuse to run away;

2) Don't tell Malaysian Chinese to pay for something, for example, events etc. They will perform the kesi act as stated in No.1 and 'run' away. Or worse, they will pretend that they forgot to pay you back and hope that time will forget their 'forgetfulness';

3) For every free event, almost all Malaysian Chinese will attend (kinda true for my uni, HKUST);

4) When you tell a Malaysian Chinese to do something and he actually says "okay, okay", then be careful. That actually means "okay la, cincai la, you go die la, I do my own things can liao". And then you later will find that whatever things you tell him/her to do, it's just...never get started;

5) Malaysian Chinese will never make up their minds on the spot. They need time to think about it, and will react only on the very last moment of the deadline. So if you ask them to attend something, make sure you call them before last minute...only that time you will get a solid answer. Well, this includes asking them out for a simple dinner;

6) You need to understand that, Malaysian Chinese are a strange group that will easily believe negative side of things instead of the positive side. They are just so insecure and suspicious of almost all things. For example, you tell a Malaysian Chinese that xxx is actually a bad guy in spite of what he's done, an American will go "Really?", a Malaysian Malay will go "Tak sangka la", but for Malaysian Chinese, the reaction would be "Oooooo...是咩?", and you knew it, they are actually ingesting the words!!

7) Malaysian Chinese, although multi-lingual, is never proud of that. They always feel that their English is second-grade because of the accent, the Cantonese is not pure because it doesn't sound Hong Kong style, the Hokkien is not up to standard because we campur Malay words, and the Putonghua spoken is embarrassing because it's simply a joke to the Mainland and Taiwan Chinese.


I know a lot of you are skeptical of Namewee. You think that he just wanna get famous. But, be honest to yourself, who doesn't want to? At least Namewee tells you in your face that, yes, he wants to become 明星偶像.

Stand up, Malaysian Chinese. Stop all those cheapskates' habits. Stand up, be a man. Stand up to what you said. Speak the right words, and speak them rightfully and honestly. Don't just keep scolding and scolding then cower in a corner when somebody asked you to commit to what you said.

If you want Malaysia to change, change yourself first. Be honest, be yourself. And, come on, don't look down on your own culture and accent. 連自己的文化都瞧不起，到底發生了什麽事情？You are a Malaysian after all, no??


And the Namewee's "Say No to Racism" T-shirt!

-

Science on Enlightenment!

Huge surprise!! Science is finally setting its foot on enlightenment, but the researchers might not know that they are doing it, in fact. Check this science cover story by New York Times on "When the Mind Wanders, Happiness Also Strays" out.

In this era, science is the dominating force. Science churns out technology, explanations, knowledge which saturate our lives with logic, the need for evidence etc. This actually brings us away from enlightenment, or you would say, the few major paths you can adopt to reach enlightenment, namely Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Taoism etc. Look at the explanations of all scriptures today. They talk about 'proofs', they talk about 'evidences', they talk about 'explanation on how a Prophet is coming to this and that'. These are not what the scriptures are originally about anyway.

When science hits itself at how to become more happy, things get interesting.

"When asked to rate their feelings on a scale of 0 to 100, with 100 being “very good,” the people having sex gave an average rating of 90. That was a good 15 points higher than the next-best activity, exercising, which was followed closely by conversation, listening to music, taking a walk, eating, praying and meditating, cooking, shopping, taking care of one’s children and reading. Near the bottom of the list were personal grooming, commuting and working."

Sex is one of the cores of a lot of religion scriptures, especially those in the east. They try something really simple, how does being in the moment feels like? It feels like sex!

And in Christianity, the core concept is Love. When you are loving, when you are deeply in love, a lot of these times you transcend your mind. You go into the moments of now without judging what they are. That's why, God is love.

And look at the quote, 'eating' is so far behind on the list! That's why Buddhism and Hinduism said, 'taste every bite like it will never repeat again'. That's why Christianity wants you to pray before a meal, not to thank God, but to bring you to this moment, this moment you are eating your meal! Don't stray away, enjoy every bite as it's God's truly special gift!

And that's why religions practice fasting too. When you enjoy your first meal after such a long time without devouring anything, even a simple piece of vegetable tastes like heaven. Urm, isn't it true with all things you eat? Why you don't feel that bliss? Coz your mind takes you away!

Every religion works the same. They want you to be in this moment, to be truly happy, to end your suffering (going into nirvana? go to heaven?).

But today, when everyone talks about logic and reasons, religion starts to fail. Religious scriptures tell you to experience, not to think. In fact, the ultimate core of religion is to reduce your mind less and less, until to nothingness. Christianity and Islam have a good start on this though, to submit, to believe without a hunch. This works like a charm if you do not think, do not go and prove whether God exists. But look at the people who preach today. Do they actually know what they are doing? Do they actually know what the scriptures want them to do?

Science can be reduced to one word: philosophy. Yes, that's why there are such thing called Ph.D.

Religion is not. Religion is about totality. Totally experience it.

I would like to quote Osho. He has quite a good way of presenting this:-

"Philosophy is concerned with the mind. Your head is enough; your totality is not required. Really, any question can be tackled in two ways: philosophically or totally; intellectually or existentially. For example, if someone asks, "What is love?" you can tackle it intellectually, you can discuss, you can propose theories, you can argue for a particular hypothesis. You can create a system, a doctrine ---- and you may not have known love at all.

To create a doctrine, experience is not needed. Really, on the contrary, the less you know the better because then you can propose a system unhesitatingly. Only a blind man can easily define what light is. When you do not know, you are bold. Ignorance is always bold; knowledge hesitates. And the more you know, the more you feel that the ground underneath is dissolving. The more you know, the more you feel how ignorant you are. And those who are really wise, they become ignorant. They become as simple as children, or as simple as idiots.

The less you know, the better. To be philosophical, to be dogmatic, to be doctrinaire --- this is easy. To tackle a problem intellectually is very easy. But to tackle a problem existentially --- not just to think about it, but to live it through, to go through it, to allow yourself to be transformed through it --- is difficult. That is, to know love one will have to be in love. That is dangerous because you will not remain the same. The experience is going to change you. The moment you enter love, you enter a different person. And when you come out you will not be able to recognize your old face; it will not belong to you. A discontinuity will have happened. Now there is a gap, the old man is dead and the new man is born. That is what known as rebirth --- being twice-born."

Philosophy, or science, is neverending. How can a mind ends? When you ask questions, you have answers. You ask how those answers come, you have another set of answers. And you know it too, these answers will come over the course of time. When you are working things out using your mind but not experiencing it, you are in a loop, forever and ever. That's 輪回. You go in a cycle, and you come back. You are stagnant. You never move forward. You never grow.

In fact, check Gurdjieff's books out. He actually combines a few east meditation techniques (Sufi's technique, or Islamic techniques) into the scriptures of Christianity, and in the course, he brought a lot of his students into enlightenment. Quote one of his students, Ouspensky's notes when he got out from the house after 3 months of practising the technique confined in a house:-

"
Then Gurdjieff said, "Come with me," They were residing in a Russian town, Tiflis. Gurdjieff called him out and they went into the street. Ouspensky writes in his diary, 'For the first time I could understand what Jesus meant when he said that man is asleep. The whole city looked to me as if it was asleep. People were moving in their sleep; shopkeepers were selling in their sleep. The whole city was asleep. I looked at Gurdjieff: only he was awake. The whole city was asleep. They were angry, they were fighting, they were loving, buying, selling, doing everything, now I could see their faces, their eyes: they were asleep. They were not there. The inner center was missing, it was not there. Ouspensky then said to Gurdjieff: "I do not want to go there any more. What has happened to the city? Everyone seems asleep, drugged."

Gurdjieff said, "Nothing has happened to the city, something has happened to you. You have been undrugged; the city is the same. It is the same place you moved around three months ago, but you couldn't see that other people are asleep because you were also asleep. Now you can see because a certain quality of awareness has come to you. You have become aware in every small measure by practising the technique. You have become aware! A part of your consciousness has gone beyond dreaming. That is why you can see that everyone is asleep, dead, moving, drugged, as if hypnotized."
"

And check Pythagoras out. You thought that he is the man of mathematics and philosophy? Actually he discovered those after he got enlightened! Interesting, no?

"
It is claimed that Pythagoras went onto Egypt with a letter of introduction written by Polycrates, making the journey with some Egyptian sailors who believed that a god had taken passage on their ship. Arriving in Egypt, Pythagoras tried to gain entry into the Mystery Schools of that country. He applied again and again, but he was told that unless he goes through a particular training of fasting and breathing, he cannot be allowed to enter the school. Pythagoras is reported to have said, " I have come for knowledge, not any sort of discipline." But the school authorities said," we cannot give you knowledge unless you are different. And really, we are not interested in knowledge at all, we are interested in actual experience. No knowledge is knowledge unless it is lived and experienced. So you will have to go on a 40 day fast, continuously breathing in a certain manner, with a certain awareness on certain points." After 40 days of fasting and breathing, aware, attentive, he was allowed to enter the school at Diospolis. It is said that Pythagoras said,"You are not allowing Pythagoras in. I am a different man, I am reborn. You were right and I was wrong, because then my whole standpoint was intellectual. Through this purification, my center of being has changed. Before this training I could only understand through the intellect, through the head. Now I can feel. Now truth is not a concept to me, but a life."
"

It's exciting to read in the New York Times report that:-

"
“I find it kind of weird now to look down a crowded street and realize that half the people aren’t really there,” Dr. Gilbert says.
"

In fact, not just half. You would say, almost all.

Maybe one day science will transcend itself into the realm of enlightenment. We do not know. But after reading that report, I can't really know, how many people actually know what they are reading? Or, are they there AT ALL when reading it? Visit "How to Consume Contents: the other way" by me. I didn't mention the context of "being there", but in fact that's the center of the post anyway. Be there, relaxed, no mind no judgment, and you will have pleasure reading everything.

Wait, no. You will have pleasure every moment of your life.



-

How to Consume Contents: the other way

After years of studying in school and achieving good results + reading a lot of magazines and books weekly, I guess I have the accountability (sort of) to express a little of my experience on how to consume contents (or knowledge) smartly (or efficiently) bah.

Consuming contents has been a happening-around-the-corner daily routine, whether you realize it or not. Facebook, online news, blog feeds, wiki, newspaper, television, magazines, tabloids etc. In this era, unless you live in North Korea which there's less than 0.01% chance of you reading my post, every single person on earth deals with content consuming. You might have read a few articles or books or whatsoever on how to select books, magazine for efficient reading but here I am going a tad different. I go into the state of mind during content consuming.

Yes you sort of got it. It can be shrunk into one word: Feelings.

Basically I would differentiate two different feelings during content consuming, just for the purpose of illustration of course. You can explore your own afterward.


1) The feeling of "I want to get something out of this!";
2) The feeling of "Just glancing through...";


As I expect most of you reading this would at least gone through high school education, I bet all of you encountered problems studying subjects, and sometimes even reading novels/magazines. All along I noticed a few problems I encountered:-


a) I couldn't understand a shit, and I decided to understand word by word, and in the end I spent hours on a single page;
b) My feelings do not match that of the content I am consuming, creating frustrations and mixed feelings instead;
c) Almost contradictory views and supporting statistics on all sort of opinions focused on one single issue;
d) By and by I seem to have something locking me (seems like my eyesight could not move freely, and also arms etc) when I am consuming the content, this especially true when I am reading newspaper or magazines;


Well I couldn't list all, but those are what I could think of at the moment. All situations from A to D are encountered in both feelings 1 and 2. I always been wondering what's wrong with me until recent experience (aikido, enlightenment etc) led me to a better understanding and observation of the problem.

I notice there's a third feeling often goes unnoticed underneath our eyes. You have to observe yourself to find that state of mind. In this state of mind, you are not reading to get something out of it, rather you are not just glancing the content. Usually in this state of mind you enjoy the most out of your reading, because it is relaxing and refreshing, and you don't feel stressed doing it. And the knowledge absorbed during this state stays for the longest time in your memory. You wouldn't seem to forget it, somehow.

I call this state of mind: Experiencing the contents.

This is very different from imagining that you are the main character and walks through the story. If you do that, sometimes your current emotions clash with the content and you couldn't continue. You are actually doing Feeling 1, trying to sync yourself with the story. In this sense you bound to fail anyhow.

To experience the content is like listening to the sound of a river, or a waterfall. You won't mind too much on what each word means. Rather, you are going with the content in its flow. You are accepting it and you are following it, continuously. Mind that "continuously" is very, very important.

Also in order to fully experience the content, you have to accept yourself. Yes, accept your own feelings and emotions. And constantly check how stiffened your body is. Is it in a naturally relaxed condition? Naturally relaxed as in your back is straight when you are sitting. Somehow when you check your own body like running it through a program, your body will start to relax itself.

Accepting and constantly checking your own state (body + mind), and at the pretext of accepting the content as what it is and going with its flow, then you are in the third feeling, experiencing.

Usually in this state, you will have judgments on the contents but your judgment won't linger long enough to trouble you, because you are already immediately moving past your judgment before it troubles your mind. But you know you have these judgments.

This is very interesting. You can even come to observe your own thoughts.

But what if the text itself is too hard to comprehend for you? Go with the flow, and then start over again. If you linger over a few of the words too much, you would bound to get stuck and thus miss out a lot of stuff.

In this state, I found that knowledge is absorbed relaxingly, and I don't have overacted judgments and at the same the content sticks on my mind!!

Try it and tell me how you feel!

-

一丁點的接受；一小步的超越

什麼時候，有些東西的某個部份好像被超越了。

可是超越了不代表你離開抑或拋棄。超越和脫離是同一個意思，可是卻不代表離開。

就像自由一樣，只要你還在活著，你就沒有所謂的全面實踐上的自由。你有的只是從一個框架里超越的自由。在這個意義上，你只是在超越，在脫離，而不是離開，拋開。

這幾天的經歷對我來說無比重要。它讓我開始體驗什麽叫超越愛。

愛，一直是我的最重最大的負擔。因為對我來說‘愛’這個字包涵了‘負責’與‘擁有’的意義。這裡的愛，包掛了對家人，對朋友，對女友，以及對親人。老媽的一言一語是如此的影響我；女友的一顰一笑是如何的令我茶飯不思。一直以來，一直一直如此。

這幾天來，有一點點改變。

我得道的路程上，一直以來都有一個中心，十分重要的概念：接受。

要看清楚什麽是根，你就必須接受。你和老媽吵架，很多時候都是因為你們在吵著一些你們兩個都不能接受的事情，而在這個根本上，逐漸演變成你無法接受你老媽，甚至你連自己的某個部份也無法接受。

當東西去到那種level，你就很難瞭解及看到根源在哪裡。可是，當你開始接受，那就開始變了。

一直以來得道的路上，我接受了很多事情。但有幾樣是沒有接受的。一個是老媽，另一個是自己對女友的無能為力。

知道和接受是完完全全不一樣的。

知道外面在下雨和接受外面在下雨，這兩種心情截然不同。如果你只是知道外面在下雨，你很有可能會在很多層面上開始討厭下雨（在這裡也可以喻為喜歡下雨），從而下雨就影響了你。可是你如果接受天在下雨，你的心情則很自然，下雨就下吧。當你接受了，你就move forward了。你開始看到new possibilites, 開始注意到周圍的細節。

接受我老媽，這發生在幾天前。接受我對女友的無能為力，這個則在半小時多前。

有東西開始蠢蠢欲動。開始有某些東西的一部份在被超越著。

我發現，當我接受了我老媽就是如此的時候，我不再唉聲歎氣。我反而可以聽到老媽講話，第一次那麼的清晰。我聽到了她的心聲，她的痛苦，她的期許。這很重要，更重要的是，我聽到了自己。我無助的感覺第一次那麼完整的在全身體現了出來，不是被壓抑的。

我接受了我與女友之間的遠距離確實讓我自己十分無能為力。就這麼一個小小差別，那種鬱鬱寡歡變成了一種完整的不舒服。一種沒有壓抑的不舒服，然後，好像自己可以放開了很多。

這也是我的道路。我不相信躲在山中的得道，因為那是逃離，但很多根源上的其實還在，而這些，在日常生活中，與親人朋友交流，在這種得得失失中，接受后，體驗后，得道后，這種得道才是完整的。

我不知道這種情形會進行多久。因為接受了兩個對我來說一直都是十分關鍵性的事情，所以也開始看到了許多自己一直以來都看不到的，許多許多自己束縛自己的conditioning.

然後想起了遠藤師範所說過的一段話：-

There is no such thing as a freedom just like that.

It is an aim to become free.

Freedom is often referred to as being free of something.

But that kind of freedom, to be free, for example, of a duty, or a person, is not real freedom.

So what is? That is an important question.

It certainly is nothing you get just like that.

There is no easy-going freedom.

I think, in order to become free, you have to restrict yourself at first to a very unfree form. By practising within that form, you will learn to be free.

Step by step, you practice within a restriction. But in the course of the repetition, within that restriction, it may happen, that the restriction rids you off itself.

And the whole practice becomes egoless, light, and free. Practising a form thoroughly will, at some point, rid you off the form.

To reach that stage in a practice means that, to have acquired freedom, but within a form.



這個旅途還在走著。有一天，凡所有相，皆是虛妄。若見諸相非相，即見如來。諸相非相，那就是接受了，任何思緒也沒了，也就是超越了人，可是還是有人的身體，那，就是人生中可以得到最大的自由啊。過後，到了要死的時候，那就是完完整整的自由了。

修行進行中。這幾天的若有所獲，都是基於接受與超越。思緒的消失，不代表離開。這個經歷，十分十分的重要啊。

-

Something...

I guess the time has finally come for another change which surfaces itself out of nowhere.

I feel that something of my spiritual experience is at the beginning of fusing with my daily activities, including work.

I will go into silence from this point. Not all silence, but silence whenever I can, so that I can observe, even more.

-

讀爛經二 之 "Only learning is possible"

越讀越爛，還是越來越讀爛，讀家自己心知肚明。

本人好像沒有什麽心做事，暫時再次進入《道德經》好好地亂講一通，應該胡掰一通后等下就比較有心情做事吧。

嗯嗯。。。道德經第二章如下：-

天下皆知美之為美，斯惡矣；皆知善之為善，斯不善已。故有無相生，難易相成，長短相形，高下相傾，音聲相和，前後相隨。是以聖人處無為之事，行不言之教。萬物作焉而不辭。生而不有，為而不恃，功成而弗居。夫唯弗居，是以不去。

之前提過，讀經文，讀書，做運動，唱歌，站立，全都要一氣呵成，不要太執著於每一個小動作。執著了，就失去了這一個moment的觸覺。如果做完了覺得很多都不會或感覺不好，從頭再來一次吧。=)

天下皆知美之為美，斯惡矣；天下這裡指的，是所有人。如果以globalized的角度來看，指的，yes，當然包掛紅毛（閩南語里稱呼白種外國人的詞彙）。天下人所知道的美以及一切與美有關係的任何事情與物，這基本上是一種不對的concept，一種不良的態度。呃，如果說這是不對不良態度的，好像不太符合老子的思想。其實他要說的是，這種審美，帶來的是一種惡性循環。因為每個人對美的角度看法都不同，而這些不同的尺度都無法比較。所以當天下人都把什麽是美的，什麽是醜的拿出來評論的時候，紛爭也容易產生，而最最最最最重要的，應該就是，大家已經完完全全根本性的不再看那個事物了。

打個比方，大家來說說周迅漂不漂亮吧。我就說她小巧玲瓏，可是可能某個網友會說她乾癟無胸，那你說誰對誰錯？說白了，都錯。周迅生成這個樣子，根本就是自然界里最自然不過的一件芝麻小事。當你在評頭論足時，你我口裡說的周迅，已經不是周迅了，而是你我在腦海里幻想出來的AV女優抑或是完美情人。我們都偏離了。周迅，只是一個名字。也只有有周迅在的場合，你與她交流，那個moment才是真的。名可名，非常名。過了就過了。說不定她現在隆了胸，你說是不是？

所以說，文字是用來記載的。記載，說明確了，都是過去式。現在式的，都不是用言語來看，聽或感受的。

皆知善之為善，斯不善已…嗯嗯，與上述一樣。天下人所說的善，你說得出來，你定義得出來，那就不是善了。你說殺人放火不對，那如果你殺的是一個一直在天臺山不停用槍狙擊人的瘋人，那你不是不善啊。什麽是善呢？

老子闡述了人類腦部里遮掩自己與真實世界的最最fundamental的一件事，就是比較。英文叫做scale。我們在進入了‘有’的世界后，第一個犯得最關鍵的錯誤就是定義，然後比較。這個關鍵，讓我們再也看不清真實的事與物。最關鍵的也是，這些尺度，連在你自己身上也不是永遠是那樣的。年輕的時候比較喜歡女老師，老了比較喜歡美少女，你說，你自己的尺度還不是一樣改變了那麼多？

生活在這些定義里，造成一件簡單不過的事情，就是你一直在一個圈子里，一直不停的loop。這個loop會嚴重到你可能有一天會停下腳步，想一想，我怎麼找不到自己了？

那我問你，自己，又是什麽呢？什麼時候，你突然察覺，咦，要怎樣才是做回自己？

這個答案，永遠沒有答案。這個世界上，根本沒有自己。你的‘自己’，是你自己在自己一切的觀念啦，scale啊，邏輯上建立出來的。想一想。

有一些瞭解這一段后，我們進入“故有無相生，難易相成，長短相形，高下相傾，音聲相和，前後相隨。”

在瞭解了人腦里scale這個最基本的騷擾因素后，你就可以察覺，就是因為如此，所以你開始有了以下的概念：-

(1) 有和無，是不一樣的，如果有，就不是無，如果無，就不會有；

(2) 每件事情，都有困難的，也有容易的；

(3) 有的人很長，有的人很短；

(4) 有的人的女友比他高，有的人的女友比他矮；

(5) 有的音樂和另一個聲可以配合，有的卻不能；

(6) 有的人在我前面，有的在我後面，有時候還可以在上面，有時候卻在下面；

所以如果你用心去觀察，你會發現，這些scales，充斥著你的生活，讓你永遠看不清事物。

那麼得道的人又是處於什麽境界呢？

是以聖人處無為之事，行不言之教！

聖人泛指得道的人。所謂得道不是成仙。得道就是活得真，活在現實生活中。很多人認為這是消極的，那容許我慢慢嘗試解釋吧。

在這種境界生活，你做的事，是無為之事。Mind this，你還在做事。你不是什麽都不做，頹廢。頹廢，是頹廢。無為之事，是無為之事。兩碼事。

行無為之事，我還沒有看到之前，也覺得這句話很玄。我儘量以我的經歷來闡述吧。

有一個殺人犯，他用了長刀殺了很多人，而他現在向你走來，站在了你面前。你周圍都是空的，就是說，你沒有任何東西可以阻礙他向前。而殺人犯也異常冷靜。你向後退兩步，他也自然的向前兩步。他在伺機出手。你知道他不會手軟，而且好像也很冷靜，要是斬了下來，你一定會死。你跑，很有可能他會在後面把刀拋過來傷你。你好像沒有什麽選擇，因為周圍的人都死了。你如果一分心拿電話，以這個距離，他隨時可以立刻趁機把你劈成兩半。

你應該怎麼逃脫？

只有等。等他出手的時候，閃過他，然後逃走，或是把他制服。我們這個時候，只專注討論怎麼閃開他的攻擊，且不說怎麼制服他。

這個時候，你需要的不是分析他如何攻擊你。而是放鬆心情，把腦海的一切都拋開，處於最真實的境界，就是在這一個moment，或是‘無’。

因為，如果你分析，你的動作會因此慢了一步，而對方可以抓住那一瞬間把你劈死。

你如果太快，在他還沒出刀時就行動，他的刀會自然地劈向你下一個位置。

真正的moment是，等到對方出手了，而刀也開始斬下的那一瞬間，你閃開。他的刀已開始斬下，在這個時候你閃開，他也沒有時間應變你轉變的方向。就這樣，你可以輕易地，自然地閃避那致命的一擊。

這一個瞬間，看起來容易，卻非常不容易。因為你閃開這一擊的時候，你不是刻意的。你是自然的。你是無為的。

是的，你是無為的。可是你有在頹廢，什麽都不做嗎？沒有。你在做這事啊。可是你又是無為的。就是這種狀態。

所以說，沒有任何武術是比其他武術好的。你可以學兩萬招，可以很厲害，可是，如果你連這一個小小的瞬間都無法自然，你一樣會被人家幹掉。

唱歌也一樣。刻意拉開喉嚨，刻意壓抑聲音製造感情，這些不自然的唱歌，永遠不會到達那種令人感動的境界。其實，什麽事情都一樣。什麼東西要做到最高的那一個境界，就是要進入‘無’。種花，泡茶，拳擊，都一樣。有哪一拳擊高手的手是緊繃著出招的？有的話，請告訴我。我說你厲害，還會考慮頒獎狀給你留念。

可是，無為還有放鬆這兩個境界，很容易被人誤以為是頹廢。放鬆也一樣。叫你放鬆身子，不是叫你整個軟癱在地上。什麽是放鬆的站著？就是背部自然的挺起的狀態下站著啊！所以，應該在放鬆前加上‘自然地’。是Naturally relaxed. 不是軟癱。

所以，得道的人沒在做事嗎？有啊！他也可以上班，工作，娶妻生子。在做這些事情時，他是無為的，就因為無為，所以每一個moment他都充分的感受，活著。有些人叫這個‘活在當下’。而往往這些人都很真實。她不開心想哭，會即刻就哭。不喜歡你，即刻表露出來。他們不會有長久的怨恨，因為反正即刻釋放出來了，怎麼會累積呢？這種狀態，基本上和喝了酒的人沒什麼分別。所以往往得道的人，我們都稱他們為‘真人’，而往往他們身邊都有一壺酒。因為有沒有酒，都沒分別，他們都那麼真實了。他們不會爲了應酬而笑。因為這樣笑，臉會很酸，很不自然。他們的笑，會感染你，讓你知道他是真的在笑。

而如果你注意到的話，那些超級成功的人，往往都很真實，也不會奸詐地耍虛招。看看Bill Gates。再看看Einstein。往往超級成功的商人會和你說，要誠實。說的就是，無為啊。

那什麽是“行不言之教”呢？不言，就是不說話。你有沒有發現，教導是不可能的，只有學習是可能的。Teaching is impossible, only learning is possible. 我不是在亂亂講。當我要教你一些事情，當我開始講的時候，言語已經讓我要教的偏離了。最好的教學，是不說話，就做給你看，然後你自己也做。自己體驗。這樣，學習才叫進行了。而且，不言之教也有另一個潛在含義，就是，如果一個人不放下，你怎麼教，他都不會學，也學不到。只有你真正攤開心胸，放下身段，拋開定義，那才有可能學習。

爲什麽老人最頑固？不是因為他們是老人，而是因為幾十年來的定義、邏輯讓他們完全失真了。他們的腦不再能夠接受新事物，不是因為他們退化，而是因為他們的杯都被自我(ego)填滿了。要真正學習，就要無為，就要無我。這樣，也才能接受，才能看到真實的。

所以第二章以“萬物作焉而不辭。生而不有，為而不恃，功成而弗居。夫唯弗居，是以不去。”總結。十分完美。

老子聰明的用‘萬物’兩字。萬物，這裡泛指畜生，植物等等。要記得，有為萬物之母，在前一章提過。世界上一切生物、非生物等等，主要：-

(1) 生產了(give birth to)了而不會想過擁有；

(2) 做一件事時就在做，這裡說的就是無為；

(3) 東西做成了(在這裡，也可以解成做不成)，不會dwell over it，做過了就過了，不會停留回顧自己有多厲害或是多失敗；

夫唯弗居，是以不去！！！

如果你認為只要不去dwell over it，不去停留回顧為目標去對待事與物而履行無為，那我告訴你，你反而會停滯不前，也不會因此而無為的！

爲什麽呢？因為刻意去‘無為’本身已經是‘有為’了啊！！很多人把這一句譯為如果不dwell over it，你做的就是永恆的。我覺得，從我的經驗來說，好像不太對勁。

‘不去’兩字確實指的是‘will not be rid of’的意思。

所以我本身認為老子是要提醒弟子們，不要刻意去無為，因為如果你這樣的話，you’ll never get rid of the things you want to rid off.

很簡單，你告訴自己要無為的去愛你的女人，那嘗試想想，如果你那樣做的話，你其實已經saturate yourself with the thought of 無為的去愛。在這個狀態下，你肯定也是和現實脫節，也不是活在那一個moment的，也肯定不是在無為的愛。那只是有為的無為啊！!

-

讀爛經一 之 “玄的好像不是很玄”

開始不同的生活以後，心境上的改變卻鮮少去真正探討，除了最近半夜睡覺之外，好像很多事情都在進行。書籍上的攝取依然如此少。幹。

冰冷的寒風吹襲中好像確實比較難起身。最近發現，早上早起確實能解決許多事情。自己好像卻一直難以維持這個習慣。太遲起身，好多事情都辦不成啊。現在嘗試睡覺，精神卻奕奕，算了，上來這裡說幾句廢話吧。

昨天Gilbert搬出了老子的《道德經》與我討論。雖說自己好像一直來都在裝飽讀詩書的樣子，可是確實《道德經》卻沒接觸過，除了自己之前quote得非常爽的“道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名”之外。

所以自己就樂意的扮起了翻譯者的身份，以自己的道來分析老子的絕作，然後發現，老子委實不簡單啊。他的道德經指引的是一條道路，一條從簡入繁的境界。不知道，有多少人真正被他啓發了呢？還是大家都在讀一些狗屁不如的翻譯？說真的，自己上網找了，真的很多狗屁翻譯。

我以自己的經驗嘗試開啟另一條屬於自己所瞭解的《道德經》吧。我的Version只供你們借鑒參考，請別當真。一切都是虛假的，只有你自己體驗的才是真的啊。

我們從第一章開始：

道可道，非常道。名可名，非常名。無名天地之始。有名萬物之母。故常無欲以觀其妙。常有欲以觀其徼。此兩者同出而異名，同謂之玄。玄之又玄，眾妙之門。

嗯，第一章就到此為止。咱們慢慢來吧。

我本身覺得，讀道德經要持有的是一種聽音樂的方式。太過執著於一字一句，反而會失真，會讓你偏離。大家應該也試過，讀書讀到這麼執著，沒兩下子就累了。很多時候，就算讀到了大學，還是掌握不了那種心情與讀的字句並行的感覺。要不太快，變成了理解不能的境界。要不太慢，字字斟酌，身心都疲累。學了合氣道后，發現讀書應該自然，就像聽音樂一樣。如果太執著於每個音符，你聽的不是歌，而是一個個完全獨立的音。一首歌是沒有執著的。嗯，學習，讀書，連最簡單的站立也應該是這樣的吧。這樣的話，自然有一種得心應手的感覺充斥身心。

那如果執著了怎麼辦！！沒關係，再次聽過整首歌吧。想一想。有沒有一樣事情是單獨存在的，包掛字句、音符還有公程式？

道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名。。。老子在嘗試說的是一種感覺。他把自己的心情還有一切一切體驗，說成了是“道”，這個說法很好。道，就是一條路，一條屬於自己的路。在這條路上，只有體驗，只有感受，沒有什麽邏輯，沒有什麽可以遺留的。走過的就過了，未來的還沒到，這就是最真實的啊。什麽是過去？什麽是未來？如果你執著于這些，自然而然的你就停下了腳步，不再與真實的世界接軌。道可道，非常道；如果我可以把我的經驗還有一切感覺完全定義出來，給你跟隨，這就不是道了啊。如果你完全跟隨另一個人給你的一套，你怎麼可以說是在這條路上呢？大家的路，都無法變成一套可以讓另一個人完全跟隨的路，所以就算被複製，也不可行。

瞭解了這個，原來，人與人之間，唯一能夠發生的只有分享。我把我的感受說出來，可是這只是我的感受。就算在某個部份上你有共鳴，你的感受也與我不同啊。我覺得，這就是尊重的根源吧。當人類第一次開始以文字交流時，大家都意識到這個矛盾吧。只是，人類開始給東西上標籤之後，就開始設定了模式。這個模式，造成了一切所有的痛苦。

所以，老子說了另一個根本的，就是：名可名，非常名。

一切你可以給予名字的，如果你執著於那個名字，那，很遺憾的，那個你叫的名字，就不是你所指的事物了。好像很玄，其實不是。把一切你腦中的標籤拋出來吧。好！就說“晚餐”這個詞。你一看到這個詞，你想到了剛才吃了什麽吧！！可是，那個已經過去了，那接下來什麽是晚餐呢？

大家很喜歡說，喂，小明好笨。可是，很遺憾的，他們所說的已經不是這一個moment的小明了。他們說著的是，在某個時候的小明。

當你開始以標籤來認知這個世界的時候，所有的事情都失真了。I am serious. 你在做的，無謂是一直在自己的思緒還有標籤里生活。你根本不會發現在電車裡，坐在自己旁邊的到底是男是女。連你剛才去餐廳吃飯時坐在你對面的陌生人，你也根本沒察覺過吧。旁邊的樹是否枯萎了？當你標籤一切，你註定就和現實世界脫節。你就像一個執著追逐每個音符的聽者，你連那是什麽歌都失去了感覺。而且你的反應也愈變愈遲鈍了，直到有一天，咦！！怎麼那個時候沒注意到！！可是太遲了，那個瞬間(moment)已經過去了。在這種世界里生活，只有過去式，永遠不會有現在式。

無名天地之始，有名萬物之母，那又是搞什麽玄呢？其實就想闡述之前的基本。在天地運作的時候，人類還沒開始給任何東西上標籤的時候，在這種狀態下生活，永遠在現代式里生活，這種狀態可以暫時叫做“無”。你的世界就是在這個時候架構起來的。所以老子說，在無的時候，也是天地(或可說宇宙)開始的時候。我覺得老子不在說著科學。他在說著的是你的世界架構起來的過程，好像和光速沒什麼關係，所以請別誤會。

那，當你開始給東西命名的時候，那萬物就產生了。老虎啦，老鼠啦，不再傻傻分不清楚了。這種上了標籤的世界觀，不是intuitive的。這個世界，姑且叫做“有”。

故常無欲以觀其妙。常有欲以觀其徼。

所以沒有上標籤，一切都是現在式的世界，這種狀態下生活，什麽都那麼容易滿足，因為都已經足夠啦，也沒有什麽未來和過去。餓了就吃，冷了就穿，不會覺得身邊沒有剃陰毛的女人醜怪，大家都很自然，這種境界里，就一個字：妙！！

常有欲以觀其徼，徼一字說的是運行的規律，方式。所以在“有”的世界里，你開始捕捉到了一些事物運作的原理。水，是從高山往下流的。這個，只有在“有”了之後，才可以體驗。老子應該在嘗試闡述最原始，最初始的“有”，好像和我們複雜的辯論邏輯沒有什麽關係。是看出來一種純粹的標籤與標籤間最簡單的關係，類似Inception里第一層夢。第二層的，應該就是，標籤A里的標籤B與標籤C里的標籤D的關係，那個太複雜了。因為這個process無窮無盡。舉例，水(標籤A)的礦物質(標籤B)在煮熱(標籤C)後會消失(標籤D)。當然，如果你瞭解了老子最原始的含義，你可以任意的去玩弄這些標籤們。請便！！我呢，比較喜歡直截了當的解釋。

此兩者同出而異名，同謂之玄。玄之又玄，眾妙之門。

Yes, this is what I had been talking about!! 有和無，指的都是用一樣事物啊！！上了標籤的東西，和還沒上標籤的同一個東西 (這裡指的真是那一個東西，而非類似那個東西的另一個東西)，兩者都是一樣的，不是嗎？？老子嘗試告訴我們，這個就是最基本，最fundamental的啊。同謂之玄，這兩個最基本的，也就是一樣的，這種理解不能的東西，你能說不玄嗎？

如果你能夠體驗到，那你就開始進入了眾妙之門。你開始可以真實體驗真實的世界了。恭喜你，你開了那扇門。

好了，到此為止。。。有心情，有時間，有緣分，就會開始第二章吧！晚安！！

-

一路走來

來了香港這麼多年，委實難說有學到什麼東西，除了一直不斷被打擊的信心以外。如此說似乎不太清楚，也有點指責的味道。倒不如說，實在的看清了自己。

我的人，一直都不知道自己常常會哄自己。哄久了，就成了習慣；習慣了，就不再看清事實。內心的這一種以謊言架構起來的世界，一開始說說騙話還說會臉紅，日子久了却是麻木了。人活在這種世界里，什麽都不是真的。什麼東西都會拿出來說一輪，批評一下，儘量地給自己面子上糊，希望自己不再看清在發生的一切。久而久之，就真的看不清了。

在看不清的世界里，這個世界自己確實陷了非常的深。深得可怕。深得摸不著底。

當然偶爾會回過神來。這些時候都標上了異常痛苦這個字樣。對自己安慰說，現實是殘酷的。看到了自己的無能；發現自己撒謊說自己多厲害過頭了；沒做過的事情都說做了；沒體驗過的胡捏了一大堆故事填補；想過的居然變成做過了；想要追求的，沒了志氣，卻一直對自己說不要放棄，其實自己根本不想再追求那一個了，卻害怕外界覺得自己懦弱，所以死撐。

什麼時候變得如此荒謬，如此愧對自己都不如的境界？

沉迷網上世界，不想讀書，自嘲的時候以為自己看開了，其實還不是在表演，如果沒了觀眾還會自嘲，那才是發自內心的自嘲吧。

什麼時候看東西都模糊了。周圍的事物都那麼的一成不變，醒來第一眼想看到的不是桌子上，地上，或是櫃子上的，而是網上所變化的。似乎網上的世界一直在變化，自己周圍的都不在變。什麼時候突然發現原來遺忘了多年前自己擺在某一個角落的東西。連回憶都模糊了。什麽都那麼的不實在，實在的是自己頹廢的時候。

什麼時候覺得周圍和自己一起混的朋友都那麼虛假。大家都在做戲，做一場不斷騙自己的同時也騙周圍的人的戲；潛意識的知道對方誇張或嬌柔做作，遂而自己也不由自主的加入這個無止無盡的謊言。什麼時候這些謊言讓自己的臉笑得酸了，也不覺得自己在捏造表情。什麼時候，騙自己太久了，忘了這是一個騙局的時候，覺得自己有點有心無力，什麽都做不下去的感覺。

什麼時候酒精開始是真理，醉醺醺的時候自己不會掩飾，得到了那一瞬間的暢快而沉迷。什麼時候，一段時間過去了以後，有一些些失落卻無助的孤單。

試過有人在面前走過，雖然認識，卻不想打招呼。不想打招呼算了，心裡面居然還有一些理由，去解釋自己爲什麽不打招呼。簡單的事情，被理由污染了。

一切的一切，令到自己的腦部十分嘈雜。就像每時每刻都有電臺在播放的狀態。

幻滅的夢想；時時都達不到的目標；想掩飾卻找不到理由時的尷尬；感覺自己周圍像一片死泥，一個冬天過了另一個來的時候居然如此相像，同樣的都令自己不滿意。

什麼時候，什麼東西都會有怨言。

什麼時候，什麼東西都有爲什麽，什麼東西都有理由。

什麼時候，有些原則變得無法挑戰，脾氣變得如此暴躁不安。

什麼時候變得不想起身，不想幹活，不想吃飯，不想睡覺，不想走路，不想洗澡。

什麼時候變得需要那麼大，那麼多的動力去把這一切堆積起來的架構世界推動，需要什麽不斷的努力啊，永不放棄啊，死拼到底啊。

什麼時候自己的世界越變越狹窄；什麼時候要學一樣事情變成了那麼困難。

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

自己拼命地在想脫離這個惡性的循環。有時候有一種感覺，好像什麼東西在哪裡會隨時把這一點點認知自己狀態的能力都吞噬。

這種拼命，在我讀研第一年中段期開始。此時，亦是自己在香港的第四年。這個時候，在那種世界生活的自己，理所當然的，迎接了再次來臨的地獄。當然，就是感情。

可是這段感情，說實在的，不是愛情，而是一種佔有欲，一種霸佔欲，一場男人經常叫做戰場的東西。這段時期，所幸自己擁有一班非比尋常的好朋友。他們沒有叫我放下離開。他們叫我完全擁抱黑暗，完全體驗黑暗。

所以我義無反顧。我沉淪，我情緒澎拜，我失落異常，我喪心狂亂。

這種極端的世界，從一個旁人的角度看來，一定無法維持多久。那個時候的自己，感覺好像過了好幾年。三個月，確實像是過了三年。

可是，過了就過了。沒有海闊天空，迎來的不是什麽光芒，而是一種奇怪的境界。好像開始可以看到了什麽。

也因為如此看真了自己現在的女友，相較的看真了。好像從一個frame進入了另一個frame，雖然周圍的世界是一樣的，可是好像又有什麽不一樣。

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

這個時候，毅然決定要學合氣道。哪裡來的一股衝動，不知道。可是好像比較隨心所欲了，所以就做了。開始瞭解，很多東西都不需要理由。

合氣道帶來的是另一種境界。

合氣道講的不是擊敗對方，而是與對方交流。這是一種十分難以理解的事情。對方帶有攻擊性的意圖，我卻爲什麽要和他交流，而非打倒他？這種交流，講的不是動作，而是一種心情。

一開始學的時候，很緊張。連在一開始深呼吸的warm-up都似乎看不清老師在做些什麽。換言之，自己的世界還是與現實有差異的。這個差異還存在。

自己不太敢看大家。不太敢動手。不太敢問。不太敢與人交流。還有很多虛假的笑容，掩飾自己的不安。

可是逐漸的，許多事情開始變化了，在許多許多堂合氣道課后。

那種感覺和你上第一堂大學的課一樣。你永遠不會放鬆。可是過了一陣之後，你開始熟悉了周圍與人物，什麼時候開始比較敢向這裡那裡望望。就是這種狀態。可是，再過一段時間后，通常這種狀態就會消失，進入我之前所說的惡性循環里。所以又必須尋找新的世界，新的空間，找回類似的這種感覺。

奇怪的是，合氣道課里，這種感覺卻持之以恆。

主要原因在哪裡，我不清楚。可是總有越看越覺得許多東西還是不一樣的那種感覺吧。同一個技巧，在不同的時候，和不同的partner練，兩個人不同的心情下，都以層出不窮的形式出現。類似同樣的動作，卻實實在在的讓你知道它是不同的。分明是同一個人，可是你卻實實在在感覺到他此時此刻與之前不同。

開始有了一種視野，原來，沒有東西是一成不變的啊！一切東西包掛人與物，在每天每時每刻每秒，因為你的存在與他們/它們交流，所以都相對的在什麽微妙或巨大的層面上變化。

發現了今天早上桌子上多了一小片塵埃，哪裡飛來的。今天早上的桌子和睡覺前那一刻的桌子，有了分別。不止桌子。開始的，慢慢、慢慢擴大。

然後自己有幸去了瑞士參加學術研討會。這段期間我也到了瑞士的合氣道道場練武居住。在臨走前的星期五早晨有一個打坐，因為住在道場，所以也參與了。

打坐長達45分鐘（還是一個小時，我忘了）。可是途中師父趁大家在晃悠神遊的時候敲了一下小鍾。在這一刹那，我看到了。

我受了巨大的驚嚇，突然間在想的一些有的沒得都不見了。潛意識里也一片明朗。眼前突然開闊，世界光了起來。耳朵也異常聰明，遠方的小聲音也可以捕捉。這一個瞬間維持了多久，我忘了。可是，我實實在在的看到了什麽叫得道。一切自己架構的世界瞬間仿佛都透明了。一切周圍的現實，都那麼的清晰，那麼的自然。那種與一切一體的境界，就那麼的簡單。

過後自己嘈雜的世界又回來了。可是自己卻可以時不時短暫的進入這個境界。尤其是在合氣道的練習中，更發現了這種奧妙。

原來，在這種境界里，是沒有任何東西的。道家，還有武士們叫它‘無’。在這種境界里，每一個對方的動作都看得清清楚楚。沒有什麽分析，沒有什麽害怕。來了，就自然地閃，然後上前持續地與對方交流，直到對方自然的倒下。

這種精神上達到了無之後的合氣道，是那麼的自然得體。原來合氣就是如此。不只是我的氣與對方的氣合在一處，而是自己的氣與所有的氣合在一處，這包掛周圍的空氣，人物，地板與一切一切。

這條路，只有體驗才是一切。我走過的道路是我的，你的道路也自然是你的。只是，我內心實在感謝合氣道。有機會想讓更多的人可以接觸它，從而得到一些什麽。那是什麽，那也只有體驗的人自己知道。

道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名。

Morning Run

Today marks the first morning run of mine in HKUST.

Seeing Shiau Aun ki siao in the morning; hallmates spending the whole night chit-chatting till first break of dawn; new friend running together on the track. Everything at the break of the daylight.

It feels really good. And super energetic. And I did achieve the state of Zen on and off during the run. Such a different feeling after all.

Experience says all.

-

Some B.S. created along the path I tread

Don't think of anything when you are in joy, go through the joy fully. Then you will truly be joyful.

Don't think of not doing anything when you are sad. Instead, be totally sad, go through it completely. Be yourself when people are around you, reply to them truthfully. If you don't want to speak, don't. If you cry, don't hide your tears. The sadness will just pass by, then you will truly transformed.

Analogy: Be like the rain. Keep raining, then when the rain is meant to stop it will. Then you will see the sunshine.

The same thing with anger. And also with all other emotions. Be totally true.

What is decision? Decision is something that just comes by, in accordance to the situations all around you, including your own feeling and mind and body. A good decision is something which follows that nature. A bad decision is something which is pre-planned forcibly and it turns out that you are just being mindful and expectant, thus defeat the purpose.

Don't decide that you want something. Accept the life you have, move with it in the best way of your nature, and then decide what you need when the next step demands of you.

-

Partial Rotation

I zazen just now and felt that part of my body is rotated, from the right to the left, and worse, it hangs there. But anyway it does not matter, just that it is part of the possible changes when I go into the void. I have a feeling that when I achieved full enlightenment, there will be nothing so-called rotation, floating or anything. Just nothing. And that's the time when I forget everything about 'me'.

Had that slight feeling during zazen and straight my body is disturbed. Now I can observe the little twitch in my body whenever I have something crossing my mind during zazen. This is indeed a great leap.

-

The Beginning of Realization

You think, therefore you are. That was thought as one of the 'fundamentals' of philosophy as laid out by Descrates. In fact, he is right. Everything you are, is what you conjured up in your mind. That's why there are so many people on this earth telling everybody that they can't find themselves. It's just impossible to find yourself bah, since your mind leads you here and there and everywhere while you are seeking.

Have you been seeing what you are seeing? Ask yourself that. Have you been doing something, or just trying to do something?

Why is it so hard for you to sleep? Are you really sleeping, or just trying to sleep? It is very different. If you are just trying to sleep, your mind is very noisy. You think of your lover, you think of your traumas today, you think of what you gonna do tomorrow. Man, you think of so many things, no wonder you can't sleep. You are just not sleeping.

Realize this, and you will realize your very mind is what separates you from reality and you. You are in the past, in the future, all the while, just not in the moment of 'now'. That's why your mind is so cloudy, your sight so murky, and you can't hear a lot of things. Your mind is so noisy that it deceives you of all things surrounding you through bending your perceptions.

Realize this, and something will start to transform in you.

-

The Path to Peace

In traditional Japanese Budo, one is taught to perform his/her duty to the very best, and then you will find peace. Reigning in the terror of Japanese imperialism in the past, we might think that idea is over and hotheaded and cruel, because it creates warriors who slain a lot of innocent people in the process. I would say that, it is the commander who did wrong. History is history, but at least the first ever samurai or bujutsuka who thought of this way to achieve peace is really someone who is very gifted in terms of meditation.

It is very important, that we do things that we should do to our very best. Not because we have to, but because only through that, we can achieve true peace.

The times that we are at unrest and trying to seek peace are usually after we did not complete something of our responsibility to our best.

No? Think deeper. You blamed the teacher for the bad grades, but did you study till your very last of your breath and determined to get a good grade? You blamed your project manager for the bad leadership and thus the bad outcome of your project, but honestly, did you do your best to alter the situation? You could have at least tried to communicate?

Everytime we are blaming people, it is because something didn't go where we expected it would be, and we are not at peace. When we are not, we try to seek an outlet, trying to blame someone else because we are damn sure we are not the one who is wrong.

Think again.

If you tried all your best to alter the situation, to communicate with your manager, to put efforts in uniting your teammates so that you can change the decision of your manager...every last bit of effort is paid till the end the results still maintain that way, I think, you are at peace though you still lose in the end. You attain peace through working out your best.

Then WZ and I start to question ourselves: Do we have to do every single thing that way? That is just impossible.

The answer is no. This is where the word 'role' hit in.

You do to your best in the role you play in, in order of importance. If you are a factory worker, do your best at the product you are producing. If you are a student, do your best at studying. If you are someone else's bf or gf, do your best at understanding your partner and aid him/her throughout his/her hardship. You are your parents' kid, so do your best to help your parents to relieve their burden.

And these are the roles we play in daily life. Have you done your share of work? If not, no wonder you are not feeling peaceful.

That's the major reason why a lot of true warriors fight to their very best, even at their last breath. They still fear death, but only when they fight to their best, then they find peace.

So why won't we do the same too? Think about what you can do. Then start doing it, at the very best of your effort and strive till the very end of your breath. Then I assure you, you on your path to peace.

-

Worst thing that can ever happen

What is the worst thing that can ever happen to a person or a team?

That reminds me of "Pride" which has one of this line:-

"A team which loses once will come up victorious next time. A team which loses twice will lose its pride, and a team who loses too much will not come up to the top ever again. Not because they don't want to, but rather the players themselves have the thing in their mind, which is that losing is not so important anymore. And that's the worst thing that can ever happen."

That's the worst ever that can happen. Be aware and we need to really move on from now on.

-

Training Journal 1: Balance of an Emotion

In Aikido, one does not fend off an attack by applying more force. Because if you apply force onto force, you create more force. Rather, we use the force applied on you back to your enemy by redirecting it.

Everything in this world channels yin and yang energy. You can call that good or bad energy but calling it yin and yang stays you away from defining it as good or bad because in this world everything can be really grey. I think of all energy, love is the one which channels one of the world's strongest yin and yang energy combined.

It's the same thing with emotions. You feel hatred. You do not try to contain it, nor do you try to change it. It is just there, but you have to balance the yin and yang side of it. You might ask, what's the correct balance? How do I do it? I have no answer to you on that. It varies from people to people. It is your godsend gift if you can get yourself an insight on that and then take control of yourself. Do not try to make yourself feel better. When you do that during times like that, you give birth to another kind of emotion or feeling. Trying to change emotion gives birth to another emotion. The same analogy of trying to contain force gives birth to a stronger force. In the end you will have tonnes of emotions (or force) that overwhelm you.

I start to realize more of Buddha's teaching. You love, but you love peacefully. Or in another word, you love with your love balanced in your heart within your universe of periphery. You feel sad, but you feel sad peacefully. The feeling is still there but you are not shaken by it. You ride a boat in the midst of the stormy sea, but your boat stays peace and calm all the way.

Emotions like love, care and etc might look good on the outside but if you don't realize there's a yin part to it, you will be caught surprise by it and suffocates later. So it's not about how much you love somebody. It's about how much you love him/her while you maintain the yin and yang of your love at peace with each other. If one offsets the other, you will create hate, suffocation, doubt, question and all and all. I think that's why Christianity's theme of spreading love cannot quite get its devotees to be at peace with themselves bah. They don't have this concept. All they do is about love, love, love but that could be really dangerous. It will bring people to extremity.

Amitabha. Let us train together in this journey of life. I am contemplating on the word 'respect' these days (just fyi).


(p/s: The post consists both of an email and a comment combined)

-

Aikido Dojo Etiquette

For your information, this is the etiquette of my dojo:-

Aikido Dojo Manner and Etiquette
1. Upon entering and leaving the dojo, always perform a standing bow toward
O'Sensei's portrait (Shomen).

2. Remove your shoes and place them neatly on the line of wall. This not only keeps
the dojo clean but it also symbolizes the dojo’s attitude.

3. When entering and leaving the mat area, always perform a seated or standing bow
facing Shomen.

4. Respect your training tools. Dogi should always be clean and in good repair. Out of
respect for your training partners, always wash your uniform after no more than two
training sessions.

5. Use good personal hygiene. Finger and toe nails should be trimmed short and kept
clean to avoid injury.

6. Do not be late for class. Getting on the mat after class has begun is disrespectful
to Sensei and is a disruption to your fellow students. Arrive at the dojo early enough
to change. Help with aligning and cleaning the mats. Use this time to warm up or
sit quietly in preparation for class. Do nothing to disturb others who are waiting for
class to begin.

7. Class opens and closes with a bowing ceremony and it is important for you to
participate. If you are unavoidably late for class, sit quietly in seiza, at the edge of
the mat, until Sensei gives you permission to join the class. When stepping onto the
mat perform a seated or standing bow facing Shomen. Do not disrupt the class
when entering the mat area. Walk behind and not in front of others who are sitting.

8. The proper way to sit on the mat is in seiza. If an injury prevents you from sitting in
seiza, you may sit cross-legged with your feet underneath. Never sit with your legs
outstretched or lean against walls and posts. You must remain alert and aware of your
surroundings at all times.

9. Do not leave the mat for any reason without first receiving Sensei's permission.

10. If you must leave the mat or have a question for Sensei regarding practice, go directly to him; never call Sensei over to you. Bow respectfully and wait for his acknowledgment.

11. While Sensei is demonstrating a technique, you should sit quietly and attentively in
seiza. After the demonstration, bow to Sensei, then bow to a partner, and begin
practice.

12. When Sensei signals the end of a technique or practice session, stop immediately,
bow to your partner, and line up with the other students.

13. When receiving personal instruction during class, sit attentively in seiza. Bow to
Sensei when he has finished.

14. If someone near you is receiving personal instruction from Sensei, you may stop
your practice and observe. Sit quietly in seiza and bow to Sensei when he has
finished.

15. Never stand around idly on the mat; you should be practicing or, if necessary,
attentively waiting your turn.

16. If you know the technique being studied and your training partner does not, you
may lead your partner through the technique but do not assume the role of the
instructor.

17. Your are here to practice Aikido as interpreted and taught by Nagai Sensei; do not
force your ideas on others. At the same time respect those who are more
experienced than you.

18. During class keep talking to a minimum and directly related to what you are
practicing.

19. It is everyone's responsibility to keep the dojo clean and in good repair. If you see
something that needs to be done, show initiative and do it. If you're not sure what to
do, alert a senior student to any need you may uncover. If you would like to
volunteer any personal skills that might be an asset to the dojo, please speak to a
senior student.

20. There is no eating, drinking, or gum chewing in the mat area.

21. In order to prevent injury or damage to personal property, no jewelry should be
worn during practice.

22. All cell phones and pagers should either be turned off or on silent as not to disrupt
class.

23. Visitors are always welcome to observe class but the following rules of etiquette
should be followed:
a. Sit quietly and respectfully.
b. Do not disturb anyone on the mat.
c. Do not talk or walk around while Sensei is demonstrating.
d. Do not eat, drink, or chew gum in the mat area. Do not smoke in the dojo.
e. Make sure all cellphones and pagers are either turned off or on silent.

25. All visitors should be treated as prospective students and training partners.
Everyone should make a concerted effort to make visitors, and new students as well,
feel welcome. If a visitor enters the dojo during practice, either excuse yourself from
class to greet them or alert a senior student who may not have seen them enter.

26. If you are unsure of what to do in a particular situation, ask a senior student or
simply follow their lead.

27. Most importantly, always have fun and enjoy your practice!

-

Ready for the Path

Finally I'm set, with the correct mind and correct condition, to go into my long awaited mental and physical meditation. This would start effectively from tomorrow. How long would this take I don't really know, but I would be minimizing contact with the outer world so this mean that I would not sign in my msn, if I do, it would be 100% appearing offline. Guess would not blog so much as well, but would do so occasionally to update my situation to you guys.

Other than close friends in HK, any other people who want to see me are sincerely rejected here beforehand. If you see this, I hope you understand my situation now requires a still mind and peaceful environment. Would not attend any lunches or dinners unless they're crucial. Please do not call me unless it is necessary.

Thank you very much.

For the mind that wanders into the realm of stillness, I would project myself onto a path seeking both peaceful resolution and physical discipline.

-

Strength

There's no true strength.

There're only roads, and your choice to keep walking on.

And now I am.

-

Real

Recently I have something to say about the thing called 'reality'.

In fact I never felt so real in my life before like now I am. In the past, floating is the norm. Dreamy states are common. Now, things are solid and real. Even dreams are real. Tell me how different that is? I would tell ya, super duper different.

Or I would call this state: process things as they come by.

Maybe I will look more into this state of mine later on but at this moment, if you need any news, life is very good for me.

-

Back alive and kicking in HK

Bought my first organizer today. Life is revolving around new meanings these days. It's no longer about shaking the legs and finding the hypes, but rather shouldering the burden and being an adult who lives life carrying out responsibilities and feeling peaceful at the same time.

Plans are starting to fill my schedule already too. A stable relationship at this age mean that I have to seriously set my head down on the road to career and family planning.

Reading a biography on Gandhi these few days. Love his definition of life is about action, both physically and mentally. At its core it's the willingness and natural instincts that lead these actions. A saint like Gandhi is always one I look up to. Chewing his words in my mind alone can make me feel extremely peaceful.

Okay now off to re-vent my room. Time to make my room the perfect place to work.

-

In KL

And CNY's busiest season pass by just like that, in a blink of an eye. Now here I am, in KL for my two day visit.

Hopefully I can extract as much fun as possible out of these two days.

-

In Penang

Old faces and renewed strength in Penang. What a joy in this Tiger-themed Chinese New Year.

I am always surprised by how you can find the strength in Penang. It might be the fengshui. It might be the people. It might even be the fleeting moment of feeling your old roots once again.

Well seriously I am thinking of altering the way things are arranged in that small room of mine in Hong Kong when I am back. At least for that the fengshui works. And might wanna add a portable lamp in Gok Ling's house too so that I can work there as well too.

Oh yeah...HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

-

The Imaginarium

In Hong Kong, 2010 kicks off with the film "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus". A good start I would say. Heath Ledger's last seen footage saddened me as his bewildering acting and palette of emotions painted the hearts of the audiences, but Jude Law, Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp closed the deal in his stead. I like Depp a lot, and I recognized him straight when he pulled on his 'surprise' look. Still, Ledger performed the best nonetheless.

Dr. Parnassus would have fared way much better. He is a sacred man to start with, but he fell into an endless betting game with a Devil that lured him out of his cave. The Devil whispered: "So you're not a betting man, eh?" and Dr. Parnassus took the challenge, trying to prove what he believes in.

It turns out to be a wrong turn on the road. Dr. Parnassus could not differentiate his ideals from his desires anymore when he was granted immortality after winning the Devil. What follows is his endless betting game that goes ever on with the Devil, and in the end he lost his cool and wits.

"Don't give me choices anymore! I don't want to choose anymore!" Dr. Parnassus cried in despair, hugging the road sign pole in the middle of a snow swept mountain, on which written "To left - High Road"; "To right - Low Road". His tears streamed down his cheeks, and he knelt down, begging. His mind is lost in the imaginarium of desires and dreams.

His greed blinded him, and the thing that is noteworthy is, the greed is nothing but what we deem to be something small in our lives. The mere whim to win a bet; "love at first sight" fancy; the will to save your possession from being owned by others; the slim hope of trying to turn a promise around, you name it.

Once he purified people by telling them what their dreams are, and who they really are. He pointed out to them what is really there, and what actually are they dreaming. He walked them through his Imaginarium which the desires of the people entering there would be magnified in scales and beautified into fantasy. Slowly, Dr. Parnassus lost himself and when he can't see himself anymore, his desires slowly blind him and in the end he does not know what he did wrong anymore.

So what sealed his fate in the end? Seek the answer in your nearby cinemas. You wouldn't want to miss this show. Avatar might teach you a little philosophy in its course but "Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" took you through the journey of finding answers to questions we always ask in life. "What does choices really mean?"; "What it means to make a choice?" and you might find the portrayal of the different forms of greed which exists in our everyday life both surprising and astonishingly terrifying.

So, when is the last time you really look at yourself and your surrounding while identifying 'what is' and 'what should be'? Try this movie and find out for yourself. And let Heath Ledger amaze you again with his convincing performance. He was a genius too young to die.

(Photo courtesy of the article "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" from Wikipedia)

-