Saturday, March 05, 2011

Trust, and Commitment

Had a long talk with GL tonight, albeit jeopardizing the urge to sleep thus still wide awake at this unearthly hour, it does reorganize what I had been toying with in my mind in just a cloudy form for the past few months. I gonna share with you all here.

At this very moment, I had seen what can be jeopardized by a non-committal attitude. And in this eventual awakening, I knew how many mistakes I made in the past that possibly caused a lot of chances coming by me wasted.

The very first of all, trust is something that you have to pay ultra-extra effort to earn but too, can be lost easily.

All my life I had been assuming too many things, including that which I can afford to be late, especially when it involves my best friend. However, it seems not to be so. Although I was late without receiving too much of just a scorn from my best friend, I definitely lost the confidence of him towards me if we were to be involved in something really serious, for example, business venture.

If I am late most of the time, I guess nobody will really put his/her faith in me even though he/she is my best friend.

Slight difference? Nope. Huge difference.

In this light, I come to understand just how much I did which, just out for my own comfort, in one way or another destroyed me. Yes, it destroyed me not just in terms of credibility, but most crucial of all, the determination to live on.

When Natalie Portman is asked what she thinks of afterlife, she said:-

"I don't believe in that. I believe this is it, and I believe it's the best way to live."

That exactly brings out the message of life. This is it. Live it, or live in lies. Commit, or spend most of your life dealing with 'reasons' of your non-committal attitude, especially after you promised something, whether formally or informally.

How much are you willing to commit to the words you utter out of your very own mouth? "I will come" but then you did not show up. Not even a message to clarify before that? For me, the acceptable time is to tell me at least one hour earlier, best if two hours earlier. Sorry, something's coming up and I might be late. How late? Be honest.

When you try to save face by being courteous: Oh no no no, just a few minutes late, and you turn up an hour late, guess what will happen. Well, most of the times nothing will happen. It just happens that you lost the trust of whoever that is at the receiving end that he/she will just 'assume' you won't have it serious the next time.

This, turns out to be really irresponsible. However if you were to speak on the enlightenment level, you are messing yourself up by living in your mind. Your own reasons. Your own expectations and cover-ups for the socially defined misbehavior. Who's gonna lose? Nobody nobody but you.

Natalie Portman had it right. This is it, this is the only life you are going to live. Commit, or die in vain. Living means committing.

Don't give reasons. Don't explain. If you just can't show up or don't want to, tell me that you won't. There's nothing to hide, nothing so hard after all. Be brave, be yourself, be a man. Face yourself, face your own life with the commitment that, this is the one and only life you are going to live.

p/s: Although I am being cool here, I realized there's still a long way from fully committing. I was late in the past few occasion as well. For those who were disappointed by me, I am sorry, although that apology really does not mean anything at all. I am, on the other hand, observing myself more and more intensely and calmly. I am really sorry.

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2 comments:

Condra said...

Be a man? What if I'm a woman? You've got me confused there for a minute ;)

Harry MacDowel said...

Nice one. ;-)

Believe me or not, I actually did ponder what to write for that. It certainly feels strange to write "Be a man/woman". And I do think "Be a man" is certainly different from "Be a guy".

It just means, fulfill your promises so you still hold the virtues as a human being. Guess nobody will write: Be a human. That's just freaking strange.

I think being a feminist and being an extreme feminist only has one thin line of difference: don't be over sensitive.

And I am myself a feminist too. ;-)