Topic: The Difference Of Gay/Lesbian and Best Frens…The Male and Female Dilemma
I have been drenching and thoroughly immersed in my own thoughts ever since I read an ‘ancient’ blog post of Wei Zhi (Holy-days-The Path of the Slack Guru, posted on Tuesday, September 27, 2005) and a comment by Jiah Ling which printed: “y is it that when 2 guys watch a movie it's gay but when 2 gals go out for a movie it's not?!!?? weird....” (first comment under the blog title as mentioned above, fourth paragraph)…Ignoring the misdemeanour of the ‘careless comment’ posted by Jiah Ling at first, thinking that she’s rather injudicious and tactless (or rather sleepy??) while she’s writing that, after some time it struck me in a twinkling: Would it be possible that both genders have different interpretation of gay/lesbian and best friends?
Therefore after confining myself to readings and contemplation for about a week, I think I have rigorously found the indistinct line of how male and female separate gay/lesbian and best friends both from the official and unofficial manners. Of course, it’s my own point of view, therefore I post this in order to refine it by receiving comments from you all considering this topic.
Official Manners:
Holding Hands
To the girls, to hold the hand of another girl means to establish a bond and trust in her, therefore it is an honour, leading to secrets sharing and sisterhood. It is merely an understandable ritual between both girls who are ready for the term ‘best friends of a lifetime’.
To the guys, to hold the hand of a girl means that after so much strife and hardships we finally are able to entrust our own feelings to that girl, and therefore take the lead of steering the girl’s living into the zone we name ‘love and security’. (this statement does not include ‘playboys’) Therefore, to guys, holding the hand of another guy in a way clashes with our predominant principle of the official ‘hold hands’ meaning and atmosphere. To guys, everything is simple enough and only has one definition. Therefore to hold hands = gay.
Watching movie
To the girls, watching movie alone with another girl is no big deal. To watch movie is to watch movie…where is there to worry about? They are there to enjoy the storyline and the romance of the production…so what?
To the guys…..NO NO NO. Watching movies is a pre-arranged and well-planned notion to get close with the girls we admire or wish to flirt with. Of course, watching movies with a gang of guys is a normal outing activity with no special intentions at all. But if it’s down to watching movie alone with another guy, the first thought came into our mind (even that is our best friend) is: OMG OMG, I am not gonna flirt with this guy, ain’t i??
Sharing the Same Ice-cream
To the girls, guy’s saliva may be disgusting but saliva of the same sex seems not to be that threatening after all. Best friends sharing the same ice-cream? Argh, nvm lar of coz!!! Nothing much right?
To the guys, girl’s saliva is a precious, while guy’s saliva is totally…TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!!! To us, sharing saliva with the girl we are in relationship is an unspoken excitement, depicting further acceptance of our love from the girls, or in flirtatious mood, something to be proud of. THIS FEELING TOTALLY SHATTERS WHEN WE WERE TO SHARE ANOTHER GUY’S SALIVA!!! Told you!!! Guys’ way of thinking is straight forward and one-way-street! Everything is simple enough!!! We don’t accept another definition for that!! Those guys who did, they are GAY~~~!!!!
Verbal Expressions
To the girls, being each other’s best friends means to care for the other, and to be there for her all the while, helping each other to get through aught and everything no matter it’s a minor problem or a major catastrophe. Therefore a girl could say this without any doubt to her female best friend: “I will care and be there for you no matter what!” without arousing any sudden glares or scowls.
To the guys, being each other’s best friends means to die trying to help the other out WHEN HE IS IN DEEP SHIT. If you boh-suu-boh-eiao (hokkien, meaning nothing to do) go and say this “I will care and be there for you no matter what!” to our best friend when everything is tranquil and peaceful, both of us will definitely feel very awkward, strange and GAY!
Unofficial Manners:
Distance between Best Friends when Sitting Next to Each Other
To the girls, being best friends is something affectionate and definitely worth cherish for! Therefore female best friends will choose to sit closely to each other, closer = the better friends and tighter the bond.
To the guys, there’s only girls whom we would like to sit closely with…for best friends? We will keep a safe and understandable distance between each other even when we were alone and to talk about secrets + sharing opinions of life. SITTING THAT CLOSE??? OMG THAT’S GAY!
Hugging
To the girls, female best friends hugging each other while walking together from any and every angles work just fine…it’s affectionate, and it’s warm and it’s caring.
To the guys, best friends hugging each other? Well, see where are you hugging! Male best friends often hug each other by the shoulder while walking…if they hug each other by the waist, OMG, THAT’S GAY! It’s because we use to hug a girl by the waist…it too, depicts that ‘this girl is mine now’ sort of ego. Girls, if a guy hugs you by the shoulder, BEWARE! Guys, if a guy hugs you by the waist, you knew it……IT’S GAY!!!
Well, from both official and unofficial manners, guys and girls differ much…it’s because guys are built simple and with ego! Well, I hope the girls could give me different approaches to this topic…I could have thought the wrong way the girls did in those ‘To the girls….” section….so please correct me and discuss with me in the comments section freely!!
WARNING: The above statements, especially the ‘To the guys…’ section does not include playboys, player and that sort of. It’s the same in the ‘To the girls…’ section.
37 comments:
u actually take time to think about this?? really jiak ba bo shu zho(hokkien)...
--but--
i think that makes some sense osso la... but but but not all girls hug girls by their waist lerr...for me i think it looks really really odd if gals do that../gg
but i think some of the parts u mention is really true...especially that line ->"... guys are built simple and with ego!" i met one who is a super ego la who juz cant stand a lot of things and i myself cannot stand...haha but dun worry i am not talking bout u thou...
???
ghee for a perv like u i am wondering how didnt u write:
"Guys thinks 2 girls making out with each other is hot, but 2 guys is a nono???"
Maybe.... he is a super perv dat wants to keep that to himself?
hmm...quite true leh....
anyway....
why girls can like power ranger and barbie dolls,but guys can go for power ranger only?
why girls can use cute cute things(like folders or pencil box with cartoon characters)but if a guy use those he will dipandang rendah?
why girls can use a lot of skincare products and makeup but guys should not use any/use minimal?
hehe,still a lot more leh
......
what do u MEAN by 'careless comment'??? i was juz wondering why WZ said that 2 guys going out to watch movies=gay in his blog post!!!!
and erm... most things on the list... i've seen b4.. 'specially the 2 guys sharing ice-cream one... and ya... turns out they ARE a couple! >.<
u want more info? i can tell you.. since i hav er.. 'encounters' with gays and les LOL.. (i am NOT a homosexual btw... mebbe half half =X)
true 'bout the holding hands thingy for gals, cos some of my friends like to cling onto my arm when we go out.. altho IMHO, it is a tad uncomfortable for me...
lol... if u really wanna know more u can alwaz msn me when u are on9.. will tell u everything i know bout this =P
wenying> some guys dun hav ego de.. like... u-know-who =X (if u really dunno ask me)
chuan wei> lol. not necessarily so la.. some think it's sick... or mebbe that's juz not part of his 'reseach' since he hasn't seen any yet... unlike me =X
june> i have seen guys who like barbie and played them with me when i was in primary, altho he made me swear not to tell anyone else... so there!
and erm.. KL men DO use quite a lot of skincare products and sometimes *gasp* makeup!!! (u should talk to guys in my college...but some 'might' be gay =P) and please do not get me started on guys who can makeup better then me... T_T (er... i dun use makeup and i dun like to =P)
i think i've said enough. =X
great....i see good comments blossoming!! ya jiah ling i agree with what u said on the ego part...lolz
skincare products for guys are getting common nowadays lar....the only generation which kinda shy/embarrass/refuse to use is the our daddy's generation... :D
oh yeah for jiah ling....'careless comment' means that i tot u r too thoughtless while posting that comment coz it's common sense for the guys that watching movies alone with another guy seems gay...but in the end, as mentioned in the post, i found out it's not common sense...that's why i wanna research about the core difference of male and female perception on those stuffs... lolz... i m being honest there, right? ;-)
oh yeah stupid chuan wei!!! it's not that i m super pervert or sth u stupid!!
2 girls making out with each other is hot?? is that a induction or deduction? hmm....good point there...but i think it's a wholly different topic leh...next time i discuss it in the next forum if i find out enuff facts on it :D
oh yeah btw, jiah ling, i think i know who's that guy playing with barbie dolls...:D :D :D
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......QUIET!!! IT'S PRIVATE!!!!!!if he knows i know, i'll be minced meat!! (i mean the underpart of my body :P :P)
haiyo... ghee.. u dunno who it is de la...
it's someone u dunno k... a few yrs younger then me... 2 yrs younger i think.. u think too much le hahaha =P
i know who ghee thought it was!!! hahahha..
ghee> wow... you really did put a lot of thought into this huh... but quite accurate too i think.. tell me, are u the player type that doesn't believe all this or are 'to a guy's true for u? XD
hmmm recall a conversation I had with you when I first knew you.
that time we were debating over whether society conforms males to such roles, or that they conform themselves to, the fact is that its societal view. So, little by little, we tend to grow up with these "rules" in place. Thus, it overrides much of our own perception.
Also, in matrilineal socieities, there are a few, its not uncommon to see males take the role of females, something most males in patrilineal socities would frown on.
It is mainly the prevailing thought that counts, e.g.males wearing makeup was taboo until about 5 years ago, where before then u were considered gay to use such products, but nowadays such men are termed metrosexuals and its socially acceptable, its not more sissy or watsoever, but called classy.
eh jiah ling siapa tu??
and skincare product?? i met a lot of guys using it la...some take care their skin better than me..lolz..so i have to keep up with them la...\
and yea...u know wat..nowadays guys osso do grooming ald la.... and some take more time than girls to prepare themselves lo *OMG* that is a something that i cannot accept la...
but anyway ghee i think this post of urs is gonna get lotsa comments ald la...haha accumulate and accumulate more ald eh...
wenying> yalo... i agree with ur comment bout guys taking longer to prepare then gals... well at least i know it applies to SOME guys like you-know-who LOL... he takes 30 mins to set his HAIR for god's sake!!! i take like 5 mins to comb it and that's it.. ok add 2-3 mins for SOME checking-in-mirror... but at least.. not 30 mins! =.=|||
and ya.. said person above uses more skin care products then i do... i normally juz splash with water cos lazy lol.. unless i get pimples, then i'll start washing with ONE skincare product =P
i think it's diff for penang guys though lol...
guys shave their beard.........that's grooming
altho i wud say that the moisteriser cream on my sick hasnt been touched yet.
Body shop is also for guys hehe
fyi, my mum forces me to use skincare product...lolz....she even takes me to do facial!!! lolz lolz
(guys out there dun rank me as anomaly!!!)
take 30 mins??????OMG OMG unacceptable
u know what differs penang guys and kl guys?? penang guys know they are handsome even without polishing...therefore we brave-brave dun use skincare oso like that lar...KL guys know that they are born ugly...therefore they haf no choice but to beauty up themselves using products!!! LOLZ LOLZ!!!
agree with tan sri...still remember our first debate huh....ya, it's the society who decides what's right and what's not...that's why the guys in penang, kl and europe differ in the way of thoughts and living...
lydia> it depends
my sink.... not sick
y is it that if a guy hugs a girl by the shoulder have to beware leh?? =S
coz i thinik he is implying that he likes her....???
ee lin, wouldn't you just leave comments signing as 'lin whatever'? strange lar u
no to chuan wei
it's becoz it's not a respect to the girl, which subconsciously signifies that the guy might by toying the girl/not really into the girl deep within his heart.
hmmm...you see?
when we say girls using skincare,or spending 20 minutes preparing herself making her hair or makeup,nobody says anything
when it comes to guys,you get many comments....
the word metrosexual i heard a few years ago.it was one of the topic on a tv show....but still not common yet...
now got a lot of men skincare products already....like few years ago clarins had their men skincare range(which i think will be super expensive)
aoron kwok was one of the dai4 yan2 ren2....
then now brads like nivea and watsons also keluar men skincare products....but not a lot lah
actually i m curious....if using skincare and makeup is not like...a taboo for guys,would u all use it?
if,you do the complete skincare,that includes:facial cleanser,face toner,moisturiser...these are the three basic ones
then others include facial masks,oil blotting paper.....or even powder for oil-control
glo> SHHHHHHH~ thank u very much
-_-""
if you ever hug my waist my friend, i will personally make sure thats the last thing you hug.. so well said :P
but i dun agree with the guys-must-hug-a-girls-waist part though... i think hugging the waist is normally reserved for the girl that a guy wants to make feel really special... if u hug every gal ur courting or any fren around the waist then i think that wun make the hug as symbollic as it shud b d.
yeahlo...dan's right!! i totally agree! takkan a guy friend hugs a girl friend by the waist ah!? ewwww~
what if ur guy friend hold your hand while crossing the road?
to june> ya skincare products nowadays really common
personally, i would scowl at anyone from both genders who took half an hour to dress up/groom/makeup/whatever-it-is! it's just wasting everybody's time in that sense...
*Sigh* fyi, go ask any guy...i would suppose their ans would not differ much...ya we're using skincare products from time to time...
lolz
lolz lolz dan, u would be minced meat when u hug my waist oso!! lolz...
btw, ee lin and dan, i wanna make sth clear: the hug-around-shoulder/waist trivia is concerning bf/gf relationship...sth that has ntg to do with courting sum1
for example, if a girl's bf hug her by the shoulder, it would be a bad indication that he's flirting with her actually...unless that guy is a tuu-kau (hokkien, means pig-dog, or nothing-to-do gangsters)
haha
how come hug shoulder=flirting?
is it a kind of body language or what?
yeahloh...how do u know anyway? u've done that ah??
y can't he flirt by hugging he by the waist? =S weird la u...
i mean *her
hmm... if ur talking bout bf gf relationship then that wud mean that ppl will generally hug by the waist... but that does not mean that hugging by the shoulder will mean not serious also leh... sumtimes one will juz wish to say thank you so much. thats y they hug by the shoulder.
and on another note... cilaka.. ur bout to rival my max comments d!!! hv to stop posting here ;P
yeahlo yeahlo...i agree with dan again!! =D
dan> lol... u still lost to me la... my record still unbeaten muahahahahaha....
swt.
you're homophobic la fren.
naturally it's the immediate public assumption and it garners some discomfort. But it's overgeneralizing!
Guys are built simple? Nonsense. I know some who are so chim and complex that walking through a labyrinth would be a piece of cake. Ego is also another matter altogether. Varies with the individual doesn't it? LOL
Anther matter would be SHARING ICECREAM! for the love of something greater, what's the difference of sharing icecream and any other different food? Don't tell me you guys don't 'steal' or grab from each others' plates once in awhile? It's not a matter of sharing saliva. Girls don't just eat another girl's stuff. It's kinda rude... and UNHYGIENIC by teh way. we share food only with close friends and usually, out of convenience. But still! Total discrimination!!!!1 >_< BLEK and in reference to chuanwei's earlier comment (the 2nd comment here): this shows that the perv was you not ghee *smirk* afterall, you thought about it, not him... mwahahhaha
Metrosexuality is VERY common nowadays, especially in more urban westernized places such as the damnedtohell KL. It's just those... machomachodiealsowannabemachoifthey'recaughtusingskincareproductstheyaregay sorta guys who think too much about it. Nowadays, a lot of girls like guys who know how to take care of themselves. And I don't mean in the physical bodybuilding sense. As in know the right technique to wash their face, use the right products, smell GOOOD (the smellinglikerotteneggsismanly has passed)! So I don't see any problem with metrosexuality. It has no correlation whatsoever to homosexualit!
moreover, i think guys who refuse to wear colours they deem girlish like... I don't know, pale pink, yellow, dark red... these people are more insecure of their sexuality than homosexual men are!! Seriously. PINK is just a COLOUR. a COLOUR. No different from others... why discriminate against such a sweet shade?
Guys who stop themselves from doing things they don't mind doing bcoz society might view them as gays. For example sharing FOOD, looking after themselves and not limiting their clothing options (that does not include ahbengtukau dressing/hairstyles and the lack of a fashion sense). Guys who're too afraid of being labeled 'gay' and adapt their lifestyle to suit public perception are just sadcases who're too closeminded, much too homophobic and mostly, most insecure of themselves than they would like to admit.
*rolls eyes*
Wah!!!!
xinch has a long post....
hehehe, maybe i did think about it.. but i passed that suggestion to ghee......
Btw,
I take 10 mins to gel my hair
I wear florocent colours
I don't put perfume or watever u call it
I don't share ice-cream with another guy.... ewww
and lastly
my grooming is just a shave every other day....
BACK FROM KL!!!whoosh a lot of comments!!!! btw, tell ya what, i need a good rest before i answer xinch and cw. other guys help me out with it first...i m too tired to think... coming back from a trip is definitely tiring...since i m backpacking summore.but, tell ya all what, it's really fulfilling...the seminars, the books, the talks and the interactions with famous authors and professionals from hong kong, china, taiwan, singapore and malaysia was just superb.
well, i think i reply to dan's comment first:
*sigh*...it seems i kinda agree a bit with it now...hugging by the shoulder doesn't really mean not serious...hmph...i guess i will discuss it with another criteria: if in a bf/gf relationship, the guy who all the while hug the gf by shoulder = rude, and not being respectful = kinda flirtatious in a sense.
well, basically that's what i think.in a way or another, i still kinda agree with the hug-shoulder = thank you sign.good way of placing it.guess i hafta rethink bout it.
btw I WON D!!! LOOK AT THE COMMENTS COUNT!!! :D ;D LOLZ
xinch sorry ya too tired...din even read most part of ur comment. will do so after i refresh myself enuff! :D :D
suggestion, talk abt porn in ur next post. Men is alright with it, but what about the women?
to miss chin's reply:
hey hey...haha i admit it, i m homophobic...well, but to think of it, the culture lurking here in penang is actually like what i described in my blog post, at least it's the atmosphere and way of thinking in penang.
being of sth sth or sth else is not visibly connected to chinese-ed or eng-ed leh. i think it has to do with ur family-ed. well, i admit it, before an hour ago i think it has got to do with chinese-ed or vice versa, but now i came up with the idea about family-ed.next time i think i will delve into this subject. guess i haf sum ideas on my mind now.
IMHO, i dunno bout the metrosexuality part but i m very sure that even in the past no girls would like to smell the 'manly' odour kua!!! hygiene and clean is the factor to a healthy image for guys, that's my personal idea lar. Not using how many bottles of skincare product or how well is the make-up on my face. HYGIENE and CLEAN!!!!
to cwtan: nay...not interested in that...not now :P
to everyone: will update in one or two more days...busy busy busy busy busy...lolz.....busy reading the 16 books that i just acquired...lolz
to miss chin's reply:
hey hey...haha i admit it, i m homophobic...well, but to think of it, the culture lurking here in penang is actually like what i described in my blog post, at least it's the atmosphere and way of thinking in penang.
being of sth sth or sth else is not visibly connected to chinese-ed or eng-ed leh. i think it has to do with ur family-ed. well, i admit it, before an hour ago i think it has got to do with chinese-ed or vice versa, but now i came up with the idea about family-ed.next time i think i will delve into this subject. guess i haf sum ideas on my mind now.
IMHO, i dunno bout the metrosexuality part but i m very sure that even in the past no girls would like to smell the 'manly' odour kua!!! hygiene and clean is the factor to a healthy image for guys, that's my personal idea lar. Not using how many bottles of skincare product or how well is the make-up on my face. HYGIENE and CLEAN!!!!
to cwtan: nay...not interested in that...not now :P
to everyone: will update in one or two more days...busy busy busy busy busy...lolz.....busy reading the 16 books that i just acquired...lolz
Post a Comment