Tuesday, May 26, 2009

HKUST

In this uni, we are not striving for excellence or whatsoever. We are looking for something, and that something is ourselves.

In a foreign environment we come to realize who we are and how different we are. And when we try to adjust we change. And when things go wrong, we start to see what's churning inside of us and we start to shun away the environment.

Have confidence. Have faith.

Confidence is not something that you build up with each and every passing day. It is something that naturally comes when you start to acknowledge your own strengths and weaknesses. And that comes after you start to discover yourself. This indeed, needs courage. Because naturally one will try to run away from his/her own darkness in him/herself into the comfort zone where there is nothing else to worry or to think about. To grab the strength and confidence to stand up again, you need to brave the waves and endure. Feel the darkness totally, engulf yourself in it and let the merciless needles pierce through every single part of you.

Then you realize something: you are not dead yet.

This is life. I believe in something: when too much good happened, something bad will come along; but when too much bad happened, something good is on the way, surely. It is a cycle. More of the bad things, that means the good things that will entail will be much bigger.

So what happens in the end? Who knows. But I know something for sure. The answer will only reveal itself to those who don't give up. Those who still walk on the path even they know how weak they are. Because this path is their choice. That means: when you made a choice, follow through. Coz what's waiting for you in the end of the horizon will surely be a rising dawn.

Every single effort is worth it. Everything that happened, happens for a reason. And it is you who needs to understand the choice that you've made, not about why you made that choice. Ain't this life? There are so many choices made by ourselves both consciously and subconsciously. And there are so many choices made on us by so many other different people surrounding us. In the end of the day, if you try to disentangle all those knots, you will surely go nuts.

At this stage, what I believe is, believe in those knots. Those knots are there because they are there for a reason, and that reason is surely for good. For example, I got a C in my soil mechanics, and that happened to be my supervisor's subject. But because of that C, I was so eager to learn things that I missed and things that are new to me. I know my weakness and thus I can face myself in a lower stance, not trying to get too snobbish or air-headed. Because of that, I get to ascend to the highest peak.

Know thyself. That is what HKUST taught me in 3 years.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Smile

Your footsteps echoed in the cinema, although there were noise covering it.

In the midst of the noise, I saw your smile. It's the 'bestest' thing I ever saw in my life. And because of it, I cherish my life.

Whatever that is to come, walk on, without regret, without hesitation. In the end, only those who do not give up are destined to see what God has arranged for them.

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Friday, May 01, 2009

Lone-wolf Mode

So here am I, basking in the glory of the greatest prize I won in my uni as an undergraduate. But I know it clearly...there is still longer road to tramp and endless jungles to explore. Haha but let me rest a little. A good rest helps once in a while, doesn't it?

And in fact, strangely, lately I really do not have any desire to get myself into anything related to relationships. Pretty much hide in my room watching movies or dramas, reading manga, or go out alone to buy some beer or just try to prove some mathematical or physics equations in the living room. (Been reading the two thick Stephen-Hawking-edited 'God created the integers' and 'Standing on the shoulder of giants' lately. Seriously good but don't buy it yet. A lot of typing mistakes in the proofs. At least when you try to work out every one of them you will spot the mistakes. Though it's challenging to 'correct' the books yourself but still, I think it's better to wait for the 2nd edited version)

Sort of in the lone-wolf mode today. All I am trying now is to get myself a private space, wrap my mind up and shun away all thoughts. Yes, today I wander aimlessly. I think I shall get out to the city alone later on too and grab myself some nice beer. That would be after a group discussion and some work on the project to be presented next tuesday. Well well, things are tough (3 presentations, 2 reports, 1 homework) next week but I think I am quite well-off with my pace now. Let the things worry about themselves later. ^^

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