游子

Oh my, i dunno how to say this but i miss home dearly!! I never miss Penang that much, that i could assure myself of. This dear feeling of missing home hurts so much deep down inside until i could actually feel the gush of tears and pain in my chest. Why am I not in my home celebrating chinese new year as always? Why I didn't get to see my parents at home at the first day of the new year? Why i didn't get to sit down in front of the tv, watching chinese new year special blockbuster while chewing new year food and browsing my eyes through a book i newly acquired?

The presence of my mum beside me while i am busy studying, reading books, resting after work, and thousands of conversations that I had with her when both of us are alone and are into talking...we talk about lives, about girls i date, about the future i want, about her singing her favourite songs, about her tiredness after work, about my griefs and her sorrows, about our dog Lucky who got so naughty and sick these days, about housechores that I wanna help out on, about going to some places we really wanna go together, about hanging out with her friends....; the mere feeling of my sofa when I glide my hand on it, it reminds me of my dear living room where I spent living 70% of my life; the huge standing fan which cools me whenever i feel too hot in the middle of the day after finish playing some games or reading some books; the dvd-player i bought which played me thousands of songs touching my soul and movies and dramas that awed me deeply; my dear computer which played me hundreds of anime episodes and fill my free time chatting with ppl while i feel lonely; my old dear Datsun PN 406 which I drove so often to sch, mamak stall and hundreds of place to hang out with friends and or by myself; my little cruising saga PCA 3312 which i drove to fetch girls i m dating with, and of course, to court her out on dates which i am so anticipated of; my dear bed which I spent my time sleeping, reading and thinking about things in life; my bathroom which i used to shower in the dark night while shutting off all the lights, focusing myself fully on my sensitive side and my doings in life; the little lane beside my house that i used to trail my thoughts and play some wild-goose-chase with my dog; the wall separating our yard from our neighbour's which i used to climb when i had some thoughts playing; the old road to botanical garden which i used to jog once or twice in a week when i m in need of exercise and self-motivation; the little field of grass beside my yard which i love to trim when i feel like moving my bones; the dishes that i do everytime i finish my dinner late...since i m the one who finish late all the while; the air vent which i like so much that i release it down whenever i feel the sunlight is not scorching enough to burn my skin while basking under it; the ang kong i used to pray to whenever i walk past them in my house...all these stuff, i miss them so much until i can actually visualize it in front of me so dearly. It is really painful to me that i can't touch or live in it.

How i wish i could stand in front of my porch as always, feeling the mere breeze of wind gushing to my face. I miss my home, and how i wanted to be back but i can't. Hong kong is a place I do not belong to. I belong to the land where i live in. This year, i know, finally, how a person who is away from his homeland feels. It's not only loneliness. It's a brew of bitterness, loneliness, pain, sorrow, love and the wish to belong.