"I am", I said - Neil Diamond

L.A.'s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is 'lay back'
Palm trees grow, and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin' about
Making my way back

Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home, but it ain't mine no more

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of bein' a king
And then became one
Well except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried, but it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared for the sound of being alone

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

What it really means to give...

After a nice and long talk with Shiaun, finally I get down to earth, and it's the first time I feel solid. And Xinch is right too, all the while. The moment you can give yourself fully in a relationship is the moment you are contented with yourself.

Because I am not doing what I am doing, then it turns out I am not giving myself.

Because I think about learning more about the other person and what I can do for her, I lost myself, and when you are lost, you are already in your own world. You don't go around giving what people want, it's just about giving it when you are giving it. Shiaun has a perfect example for this. It's like, I have a lot a lot of sweets, but if they are not with me now, I can't even give you one. That means, if I go around hunting for what the other needs in her life, in the end I will just end up not giving my all. I will just end up giving sweets while she needs chocolate, because the desire of her for sweets already 'expire'.

So what I can do? It's not about what I can do for her actually, now to think of it. It's about me settling my own feelings down, be calm, be contented, and go on with the flow of life and love. I think it's when you are going with the flow of the mixture of feelings and love and life, then when it's time to give sweets then you can give them. If you cannot, then so be it.

Another catch of it is that it's about faith. We don't go tell our mums that, hey, don't do that...if not, I'm not going to acknowledge you as my mum. That's why bah. I don't go around judging my own feelings for her whether it is right or wrong or whatsoever. It's just as easy as she's really really important to me and I want her in my life. That's how easy the faith should go, and I practically don't have to do anything 'extra'. Of course there will be efforts, there will be emotions, but the feeling of losing it doesn't matter anymore. Because in the end she is still the person who is important to me, even she leaves me, she's still important. That's the catch of it bah, and with that, I don't think being in your own world matters anymore. With that, somehow you will just walk towards each other, naturally.

So, the answer to 'What it means to really give in a relationship?' is just like the following for me: Be contented with your own feelings; Believe in the importance of her in my life; Always be conscious of the surrounding situations; and finally, go with the flow.

And I think I am on it now, finally. The time is ripe for me to settle down my feelings, and you are not wrong to think that, yea, finally I understand love more.

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