Ode to the Lonely Nights

If I ever knew something
I bet it will be the anticipation of pain;
Of sorrow; and of helplessness,
that I trapped myself within.


Entangled, I face the darkness alone,
With warm water raining down on me, the tiny little
prickling sensation I say, was all I need
To tread this road of solitary affection
The shy, avoiding voice thousand of miles away
swaying, or far away it is
helps cradling the flame within my soul
though the mere thought to catch that familiar vibration
sends me to near annihilation every night
yet when I am yearning for it
I feel myself alive
A single fleeting moment
enough to redeem the endless hours of suffocation

Tagged!! About the weird me

Hello guys it may seems to be a weird post coz i din even talk about how my exams go or how my visit to Taiwan has been~~haha, that's becoz now that i m back in my uni, i m entering the final 5 weeks of my semester...this means ultimate stressful preparation of final exam, assignments, and lab reports. Plus i m entering a contest of civil engineering design, so guys, prepare not to see me online for a month ++. Well, i mean u will not see me frequently. so i guess i just do this tag xinch asked me to first...lolz...all right, here it goes:


Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

1. I love pain

• Pain keeps me going. Pain of muscles when running after 2 to 3 hours don't make me stop but rather i love the sensation of it. I will do it until i feel satisfied of the amount of pain i am feeling. (yeap, walking and writing too...)
  
• The pain of not able to sleep well for a few days because i need to rush assignments or study or any extreme workload gets me hyper. I get more encouraged, and more than that, i m enjoying. I am a helpless workaholic. (note: i din learn this from naruto)
• When i run over tables or chairs or sharp edges while i m walking/fighting/rushing, of course i feel the gush of pain, but u dun see me cry in pain because i actually like the feel of it. More pain = more joy. (note: i dun like pain in sex. Sex is about comfort and love. i m not a sadist/machoist)

2. I love darkness

• Haha...actually nobody knows this. I think wei zhi oso dunno this. I really like darkness. I used to fear about darkness when i was a child, but after i grew up, i happen to like darkness. Showering in the dark, pangsai in the dark, everything except reading and doing work.
• that's why when ppl play prank like switching the bathroom light off when i am showering or pangsai, i got excited other than scared. In the dark, i can think more sharply. That's why i can shower in the dark for 3 to 4 hours sometimes.

3. I imagine myself being blind

• I dunno why. Maybe my parents always tell me to not read that much becoz my vision is already very serious. I always imagine myself blind and how helpless will i be. But after i face that fear, i m able to live in darkness. Maybe that's why i like darkness too.

4. A too-fresh-to-be-true memory

• what i learn of myself is, after i start to know and understand things around me, i could remember those little little detail things very well. Some i will forget. And last time xinch told me that i have the denial-forgetting syndrome then i get to realize sometimes i do have a 'bad memory' becoz i 'wanted myself to'.
• But other than that, a lot of detailed features that i captured accidentally in my life, i could remember them well to the very last part.
• This includes what ppl do to me. Yeap i do remember grudges 'extremely well' but i always think myself over it. That's how i obtain my philosophy in life.

5. Unpredictable actions

• Yeah u name it. I plan things-to-do-today but often i get myself to take some surprise route to do something other ppl said crazy. Like when i got back to home at 4 after talk cock with frens at mamak and showered and prepared to sleep, suddenly i feel like driving to air hitam for cyber-cafeing, i will give it a go.
• I always allow unpredicted things to take the path when they come upon me. And i always wanted to try it out. Of course, i judge based off my instinct. Strange huh.

6. Tahan berak

• Yeap this is really damn stupid. But when i m about to pangsai, i like to tahan for a long time. Sometimes one hour. U might said that the feel will go away. But i won't let it go away. The way i do it is i stand and walk around so the berak is still there forcing its way out. Then i just keep standing and walking, feeling the sensation of shivering and 'stim' until i feel that "okay, can berak d".

7. Depressing stuff

• haha it sounds like xinch. it's true. when i see something emo, i tend to play the emo scene over and over my head, make myself cry/sob/absolutely emo for as long as i could. Sometimes the period can span more than a few years.
• and those sad books, songs, sad movies, sad dramas, sad animes and many other, i will try my best to keep a copy for myself so that i can watch over and over again just to get myself emo.
• the more it touches me, the more i enjoy it.

8. I can't stand ppl who only thinks for themselves

• i couldn't deny the fact that we, as human, always think of ourselves most of the time. but i really can't stand those ppl who didn't even consider other ppl punya feeling/didn't think for others and feel so 'right' over it.
• This also applies to those really childish ppl.

9. Indirect vengeance

• Woo...i only found that i haf this inside me after i came to hk. when someone/something really pissed me off, i will choose one of thse two stances: one, to communicate with that person and settle it; two, to keep quiet. if i choose the second stance, i will 'unconsciously' do a lot of things that indirectly
  'pay-back' that person for what he/she did to me without i knowing it myself.
• and i got hyper when i see that person suffers, altho i dun even know it's from me myself.
• when i realize it's me who actually been behind these, i get depressed. then i tell myself to think over it. then i got quiet for a few days, think it through and settle it then. but some 'really-pissed-me-off' ppl....i still can't control my 'indirect vengeance' instinct now.

10. I talk to myself

• i like to talk to myself when there're things that i can't solve. i will keep whispering to myself, either vocally or in undertone.
• i can imagine myself standing in front me talking to me. can actually stare at that person for a few hours until things are settled.
• oh yeah, when i think about things, i imagine it. and i can see it in front of me, visualizing itself. it's weird or not i dunno. I can link things like those touch screen computer programmes u see in sci-fi movies by moving my eyes from here to there becoz those things i imagine are floating in the air in front of me.
• when i talk to myself, those words form into a cloud like what we call 'words document'. only that i dunnit to open it. when i look at it, i straight know everything of it. often when i talk to myself, i will sort those thoughts into different clouds, and put them there when i need to make a conclusion.
• when ppl talk to me, i will form the clouds too. that's why i can remember what ppl said easily. i just 'record' them in front of my eyes.

I tag:

Dan the bird in Perth. (oi update ur blog la)
wenying the housefly in England.
caryn the 'gym' fish
june the dentist
and whoever feels like doing it for fun.
(sam, i wanna tag u but i think ur blog is unofficially dead d....haih...but please do this tag if u happened to read this post ;D )