Overhaul

Full concentration required.

Gonna get over those subjects in plain few days. Assignments are pretty much done.

Been a long, long time since I work my bones. And read too. Aiks. Summer gonna be the only way out solution for these.

Exams haven't started but the mind is already on what to do in summer. I should stop dreaming. GOGOGO!

Revival

Things are getting back to normal, bit by bit. I can definitely feel the air of it. I am sure that next semester gonna be real comeback hit for me.

As my relationship grows towards stability, I am pretty sure I will have a large share of my time dedicated towards my studies and career in the year to come.

GAMBATTE!!!!!!!!

Come October

Come October and the seasonal wind in Hong Kong reminds me of the its renewed strength. On the way back from Taiwan to Hong Kong the plane shook tremendously. At a fraction of second I nearly thought I would have been in heaven. Well, at least it's not a bad feeling. Kinda more like philosophical thinking.

Come October and here I am, officially back in Hong Kong for a month. 2 months and 18 days I will be back in Penang again, having the time of my life. Travel makes people sick. And I kinda sick of travelling. But then inexplicably sometimes travelling does push the better part of me towards another height. In Hong Kong Lantau airport yesterday night I was caught by the mere thought of going beyond myself. The very promise I made a year ago.

My friends, I understand that all of us has started to get a life of our own. But when you feel lonely and sat down in front of the computer and read my post, you should know that I thought of you guys too at this moment. No worries. One day we will re-unite again, and back to that good old days of ours. Only that this time the new hope lies in the future. May all of you stay healthy always and happy at heart.

Come October and it's time to settle down. Here we go. The tightrope walker has another mission to accomplish, again. Just that this time the rope has shrunk even more. Let's see what will the strong wind of Hong Kong do to me this time. May God and pei zhen be with me.

Come October, and it's showtime.

Darker, and deeper than black

Tracing my own steps back to the deepest of my mind, I think I saw an illusion. Or was it that I had been living in illusion?

Under the moonlight, I was dreaming of a land full of butterflies and primitive house, with a meadow of soft grasses and dark heaven; then i stumbled upon a ripple of water, resonating within the forged image.

Someone is calling out my name in a faraway land.

Am I the son of loneliness and endless travel? Am I the prisoner of an infinite loop of lone affection? While I myself am searching within my own soul, a song which is strange to me but yet so familiar is starting to play. First far in the mountain, now vibrating just inches from my ears.

The secret is beginning to disclose itself. Tonight, the sky is darker than black. Finally, I get to see the real heaven without the pollution of artificial lights.

Soul will rise, Close your eyes
Downfallen (Fallen) Falling
Give me sight to see inside
I’m calling

Say it isn't so

Watched episode 7 of One tree hill season 2 just now. Things finally settled. Staying in the wonders of summer doesn't mean relaxation and fun. Rather work and anxiety are the usual partners i live with, and the feeling of being far away from my pals too.

"Look at this," Karen paused, a little nervous. "Does this picture ever look right to you?"

Andy lifted his eyebrow, turned around and looked into the mirror with Karen. "Yeap, absolutely." he did not hesitate.

Then he turned around, took a step towards Karen, and looked into her eyes deeply. "The question is, does it feel right?"

Yeap, I am alright. Don't worry about me. I m quite busy lately but everything is okay. You take care with everything too. Don't overwork yourself.

Last night a storm hit Hong Kong. The lightning was so near us and the thunder was scary. When a shine of blue jump across the mirrors in the common room, a hallmate asked: You shot a photo?

Haha, I laughed. Wonder why it's so dry this summer. It used to wet and humid.

When I am closer to my goals and achievements, I feel sadder and sadder. This feeling...that I am losing something. Something that once I am confident that I have it in my hands. Perhaps bird is right. I have to be ready myself that I will lose it anytime from now. I look at the two jetpads lying under my table, waiting for me to put them on. The time shuttle is not waiting. Rather, it doesn't even care to warn me. Time's up, and it will take off, with or without me on board.

Andy then kissed Karen. A short kiss. Karen was a little shocked herself, then she smiled. "And that feels right."

I am already at the end of it, almost. The fuel cell is running dry and I don't have any charger to charge it again. My wings are calling me, urging me on every day. They are beginning to get irritated. Looking at the photos of a totally different culture which she sat before, smirking, the pain gushed in again. I feel like dying.

Yeap, I am alright. Don't worry about me. I m quite busy lately but everything is okay. You take care with everything too. Don't overwork yourself.

p/s: repeat the last paragraph endlessly, till you are irritated and grew tired of it. thank you.

This is what brings us on

Haha guys, thought i told u all i gonna update only after 1st week of june...but after i read xinch's and bak kim's latest posts, i then realize how much had we gone through since we left our home and live on our own.

last year during fall semester i kept doubting myself but going through a lot of things at last. a lot of 'first time's, and a lot of tears and fun too. boredom haunts us all the while tho we haf new friends. the usual circle is always warmer. reading books like murakami's and movies like 'spirited away' in foreign land make me think of home, of old friends and old habits. especially murakami's. his novels describing loneliness and travelling fit my situation the best. reading backpackers' travelogue brings me a strange feeling of being a wanderer who left his home for a long, long, long, long time. thus i brought myself to backpack to taiwan. and i m planning my next stop to be cambodia, thailand and vietnam. things are getting a lot different for everyone of us. we are curious about everything new. and we're getting older.

guys and girls, time is what we have at this time. burn it, with passion, with your dreams and endless fight of yours to bring them to reality. things are new, the place is new, people are different and the food is strange, but deep inside we know that we are getting closer to who we wanna be. mind that direction. we're on the path. we're on the ride. my winamp is playing james blunt's 'high'. Getting high...running wild among all the stars above; Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

thanks for still remembering my presence, my old friends. of course, i remember you guys too, just like yesterday. This, is what brings us on.

哀愁，淡淡的

after watching a few episodes of ‘仙剑奇侠传', though there were a lot really childish-like kungfu stunts and characters, but still i give it a good-rating when i heard its ending song by Power Station.

These few days i was engulfed in a state of mild sadness, so mild that sometimes you couldn't even hear it, but then when i close my eyes: here it is. i can touch it with my both hands. i hold it dearly. it has been ages i din feel like this. the last time is in form six, especially in upper six, when things are so unpredictable and my heart is emptied of all feelings but those for her.

命中注定
没有你的未来
莫失莫忘渐渐消失的空白

什么都别说
我不想懂
至少我还拥有
美丽的梦

什么都别说
我真的不想懂

Tonight, the sky is so clear; the wind so strong; the air so cold. I am miles away from my home, from her. Maybe, we're just moments away.

New season

Haha guys, naruto series finally will start its new season starting...this week!!! :D
The shit, bloody fillers finally come to an end. Such a pain in the ass they are. The long-awaited season that is!!! Yippie!!

Seems like not only naruto anime is stepping into new season. What i come to realize is, almost everyone of us in the good old gang has grown up quite a deal and i could actually say, our friendship are stepping into a new season too. I am really proud of everyone, that's what i can say.

Let's see...the first was Dori Chin. Old xinch went through a deep and serious conflict with her housemates, declared herself in war for months, a gruelling period; tears paved the road she tramped and with supports from friends and a lot of positive thinking, she made her way through, starts afresh with a finally full-fledged mature xinch after her edward ordeal. Indeed, with so much to deal about, she finally grows up to someone who i acknowledge as an on-par mature person. Hahaha, this means I can talk to u about life and thoughts quite openly d. (in the past used to siam all those open stuff that i know will definitely made u jump...but now, hehe, good job. welcome to our rank, xinch ;-) )

Caryn fought herself through her own ordeal at the same time. Dealing with hard ppl in her college from the society she joined, and some eyes-protruding relationship meltdown made her really down. She even drank a lot of beer. (hahaha...dun say it's not true ya :D) Opening her own path through the bushes with thorns, she was born a life new, with more mature opinions about life and relationship with people. Caryn, good job. You have more to learn but coming all this way, it's not easy too. Gambatte!!

On the other side of the world in hk, u guys punya fren named gy leng here went through a lot shit stuff. I stumbled myself upon a relationship which I did not foresee in the first place. I misjudged my own self, got lost in the new environment and changed my personalities subconsciously, without I knowing it myself too. Had a fight with xinch over internet too, which i forgot until she reminded when i visited her in kl a month ago. (god, xinch u have a vengeful spirit. i forgot d oso...u still can remember...rotfl) That time i was made the helpless soul myself. Trapped in the expectation of scoring high in exams in order to win those great guys from china and hk in a curve grading system, everything seemed to be at stake. Finally, I am really happy that i got through, with a sensible mind that caught me before i fell into the valley of no return. This was not solely because of my thoughts as well. I hafta thank a bunch of best friends around me who din hesitate to kick my butt when they see me not seeing what I had done wrong. Xinch, i thank you for the blog post that seemed controversial to ur friends but i know it is for me, to wake me up. And thanks for all the advices u gave me when chatting on msn and skype. You dun give a lot of good thing for me to reflect on, but u know, hearing ur voice alone reminded me of who i really was in the past. And bird dan, that time u kicked my butt hard for all the silly thing i did. If you din do that maybe i could only wake up by now. All thanks to ur courage, support and passion from the heart. You keep me going.

June trailed after the three of us next. She, finally dealt with the unforgiveness inside her that had been stored for almost three years, stumbled herself upon a lightning sort-of crush. With a lot of downs and befuddlement, she made it through nonetheless, with a mind of logical thinking and mature decision. Having broken through the wall that shielded her immaturity lately, i find it really fulfilling talking to her since I could finally communicate with her without much difficulties. June, i support you all the way. Good job making it this far. ;-)

Lastly the slack guru set the stage. Dan, you'd gone through this for a time too long. Too long man. A lot of us have been really concerned about what u had been enduring and what we could do is to stand beside u and watch. We've been hinting u about it all along but u seem to catch up with ur own own misguided way of conscience. Finally u made me confronted u. Really, this is ur life and we couldn't do anything but we feel guilty because we carry the responsibilities as ur closest friends. Haha, now that you had walked out of the room, but u just hafta leave ur shadow behind. I am sure that gonna happen soon since it's only a matter of time. Lolz...good job man. And I hope to see u overcoming the slacking thing this year. Hope i won't remember the term 'slack guru' when i thought of u next time. ;-)


Talked with bird dan over msn that night...a night of really philosophical talk...a lot of inspiring ideas and thoughts about life. Yeap, true, finally i found the line inside me: there's no better path. If there is, then we'll be regretting the decision we made all along our life becoz we will think that we always made the wrong decision. Finally, guys, the light to our new season. *drums rolling* A new chapter in life. Another arc of life that full of surprises and challenges, and this time faced by a bunch of energetic youths with mature thinking. We're making our ways through now, finally.

This new year, i see old faces shining with new looks. From now on, we will take on the world, together. Gambatte guys!!! This is our new season!!!

The tightrope

Days go by. I'm still here. I made some progress, and I couldn't keep it up tonight. *sigh* I guess it's time to instill some motion in what i m doing.

Let the rhythm of 'Gifts and curses' accompany me tonight to sleep. Tomorrow, I gotta jack my gear and set full throttle ahead. Well, i guess it's a showdown for me, since this semester decides the very last effort of me getting the highest honor in my stream. It's not about the honor. It's about my future. And part of it, because of her.

There're time I get to think about a life of my own. Guess I am slowly walking towards it, finally. What I really hope to do is to recollect my crazy pace of studying again. But then the light is around the corner...I started to see it shining.

Tomorrow, I will walk the tightrope. What comes next, I will update you guys about it. I promise I won't let you all down. And the promise I made in your living room, it's a lifetime promise. I will work to death to fulfill it, no matter what to come. It's time for me to become stronger.

I have faith in that. It's a promise.

Drift away

Finally I realize how far apart we have drifted from each other. The very moment you stayed in my life during that time, it doesn't seem nostalgic to me, but rather, unreachable.

I really don't know how to explain my feelings. The time you held my hand and how I kissed you tenderly, we once exchanged looks that bind the magic called trust in each other. But now the feelings has shed off its color. It's nothing more than mere memories that lost in the jungle of life.

I guess remembering those moments bring me back to the part of me that once lived. No matter how drastic we have changed, I still have a part of you in me. Everything in the past builds a part of who we are today, that's life. After xinch reminded me of something my mind denied, I then realize that denying will only bring me down, eventually. We are bound to face something we called pain, because we will have happiness only when we know how painful and sad we were.

Maybe in days to come, I will forget about this mere thought of mine. I wanna record this, so that it stayed in the cyberspace long enough to remind me when I flip through my old posts. Life moves along with my mistakes. Time is to prove that I never make them again. I'll live a fruitful life, I promise you. You be good too, li qing.