Thursday, October 07, 2010

Morning Run


Today marks the first morning run of mine in HKUST.

Seeing Shiau Aun ki siao in the morning; hallmates spending the whole night chit-chatting till first break of dawn; new friend running together on the track. Everything at the break of the daylight.

It feels really good. And super energetic. And I did achieve the state of Zen on and off during the run. Such a different feeling after all.

Experience says all.

-

Friday, September 24, 2010

Some B.S. created along the path I tread

Don't think of anything when you are in joy, go through the joy fully. Then you will truly be joyful.

Don't think of not doing anything when you are sad. Instead, be totally sad, go through it completely. Be yourself when people are around you, reply to them truthfully. If you don't want to speak, don't. If you cry, don't hide your tears. The sadness will just pass by, then you will truly transformed.

Analogy: Be like the rain. Keep raining, then when the rain is meant to stop it will. Then you will see the sunshine.

The same thing with anger. And also with all other emotions. Be totally true.

What is decision? Decision is something that just comes by, in accordance to the situations all around you, including your own feeling and mind and body. A good decision is something which follows that nature. A bad decision is something which is pre-planned forcibly and it turns out that you are just being mindful and expectant, thus defeat the purpose.

Don't decide that you want something. Accept the life you have, move with it in the best way of your nature, and then decide what you need when the next step demands of you.

-

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Partial Rotation

I zazen just now and felt that part of my body is rotated, from the right to the left, and worse, it hangs there. But anyway it does not matter, just that it is part of the possible changes when I go into the void. I have a feeling that when I achieved full enlightenment, there will be nothing so-called rotation, floating or anything. Just nothing. And that's the time when I forget everything about 'me'.

Had that slight feeling during zazen and straight my body is disturbed. Now I can observe the little twitch in my body whenever I have something crossing my mind during zazen. This is indeed a great leap.

-

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Beginning of Realization

You think, therefore you are. That was thought as one of the 'fundamentals' of philosophy as laid out by Descrates. In fact, he is right. Everything you are, is what you conjured up in your mind. That's why there are so many people on this earth telling everybody that they can't find themselves. It's just impossible to find yourself bah, since your mind leads you here and there and everywhere while you are seeking.

Have you been seeing what you are seeing? Ask yourself that. Have you been doing something, or just trying to do something?

Why is it so hard for you to sleep? Are you really sleeping, or just trying to sleep? It is very different. If you are just trying to sleep, your mind is very noisy. You think of your lover, you think of your traumas today, you think of what you gonna do tomorrow. Man, you think of so many things, no wonder you can't sleep. You are just not sleeping.

Realize this, and you will realize your very mind is what separates you from reality and you. You are in the past, in the future, all the while, just not in the moment of 'now'. That's why your mind is so cloudy, your sight so murky, and you can't hear a lot of things. Your mind is so noisy that it deceives you of all things surrounding you through bending your perceptions.

Realize this, and something will start to transform in you.

-

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Path to Peace

In traditional Japanese Budo, one is taught to perform his/her duty to the very best, and then you will find peace. Reigning in the terror of Japanese imperialism in the past, we might think that idea is over and hotheaded and cruel, because it creates warriors who slain a lot of innocent people in the process. I would say that, it is the commander who did wrong. History is history, but at least the first ever samurai or bujutsuka who thought of this way to achieve peace is really someone who is very gifted in terms of meditation.

It is very important, that we do things that we should do to our very best. Not because we have to, but because only through that, we can achieve true peace.

The times that we are at unrest and trying to seek peace are usually after we did not complete something of our responsibility to our best.

No? Think deeper. You blamed the teacher for the bad grades, but did you study till your very last of your breath and determined to get a good grade? You blamed your project manager for the bad leadership and thus the bad outcome of your project, but honestly, did you do your best to alter the situation? You could have at least tried to communicate?

Everytime we are blaming people, it is because something didn't go where we expected it would be, and we are not at peace. When we are not, we try to seek an outlet, trying to blame someone else because we are damn sure we are not the one who is wrong.

Think again.

If you tried all your best to alter the situation, to communicate with your manager, to put efforts in uniting your teammates so that you can change the decision of your manager...every last bit of effort is paid till the end the results still maintain that way, I think, you are at peace though you still lose in the end. You attain peace through working out your best.

Then WZ and I start to question ourselves: Do we have to do every single thing that way? That is just impossible.

The answer is no. This is where the word 'role' hit in.

You do to your best in the role you play in, in order of importance. If you are a factory worker, do your best at the product you are producing. If you are a student, do your best at studying. If you are someone else's bf or gf, do your best at understanding your partner and aid him/her throughout his/her hardship. You are your parents' kid, so do your best to help your parents to relieve their burden.

And these are the roles we play in daily life. Have you done your share of work? If not, no wonder you are not feeling peaceful.

That's the major reason why a lot of true warriors fight to their very best, even at their last breath. They still fear death, but only when they fight to their best, then they find peace.

So why won't we do the same too? Think about what you can do. Then start doing it, at the very best of your effort and strive till the very end of your breath. Then I assure you, you on your path to peace.

-

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Worst thing that can ever happen

What is the worst thing that can ever happen to a person or a team?

That reminds me of "Pride" which has one of this line:-

"A team which loses once will come up victorious next time. A team which loses twice will lose its pride, and a team who loses too much will not come up to the top ever again. Not because they don't want to, but rather the players themselves have the thing in their mind, which is that losing is not so important anymore. And that's the worst thing that can ever happen."

That's the worst ever that can happen. Be aware and we need to really move on from now on.

-

Friday, April 23, 2010

Training Journal 1: Balance of an Emotion

In Aikido, one does not fend off an attack by applying more force. Because if you apply force onto force, you create more force. Rather, we use the force applied on you back to your enemy by redirecting it.

Everything in this world channels yin and yang energy. You can call that good or bad energy but calling it yin and yang stays you away from defining it as good or bad because in this world everything can be really grey. I think of all energy, love is the one which channels one of the world's strongest yin and yang energy combined.

It's the same thing with emotions. You feel hatred. You do not try to contain it, nor do you try to change it. It is just there, but you have to balance the yin and yang side of it. You might ask, what's the correct balance? How do I do it? I have no answer to you on that. It varies from people to people. It is your godsend gift if you can get yourself an insight on that and then take control of yourself. Do not try to make yourself feel better. When you do that during times like that, you give birth to another kind of emotion or feeling. Trying to change emotion gives birth to another emotion. The same analogy of trying to contain force gives birth to a stronger force. In the end you will have tonnes of emotions (or force) that overwhelm you.

I start to realize more of Buddha's teaching. You love, but you love peacefully. Or in another word, you love with your love balanced in your heart within your universe of periphery. You feel sad, but you feel sad peacefully. The feeling is still there but you are not shaken by it. You ride a boat in the midst of the stormy sea, but your boat stays peace and calm all the way.

Emotions like love, care and etc might look good on the outside but if you don't realize there's a yin part to it, you will be caught surprise by it and suffocates later. So it's not about how much you love somebody. It's about how much you love him/her while you maintain the yin and yang of your love at peace with each other. If one offsets the other, you will create hate, suffocation, doubt, question and all and all. I think that's why Christianity's theme of spreading love cannot quite get its devotees to be at peace with themselves bah. They don't have this concept. All they do is about love, love, love but that could be really dangerous. It will bring people to extremity.

Amitabha. Let us train together in this journey of life. I am contemplating on the word 'respect' these days (just fyi).


(p/s: The post consists both of an email and a comment combined)

-

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Aikido Dojo Etiquette

For your information, this is the etiquette of my dojo:-

Aikido Dojo Manner and Etiquette
1. Upon entering and leaving the dojo, always perform a standing bow toward
O'Sensei's portrait (Shomen).

2. Remove your shoes and place them neatly on the line of wall. This not only keeps
the dojo clean but it also symbolizes the dojo’s attitude.

3. When entering and leaving the mat area, always perform a seated or standing bow
facing Shomen.

4. Respect your training tools. Dogi should always be clean and in good repair. Out of
respect for your training partners, always wash your uniform after no more than two
training sessions.

5. Use good personal hygiene. Finger and toe nails should be trimmed short and kept
clean to avoid injury.

6. Do not be late for class. Getting on the mat after class has begun is disrespectful
to Sensei and is a disruption to your fellow students. Arrive at the dojo early enough
to change. Help with aligning and cleaning the mats. Use this time to warm up or
sit quietly in preparation for class. Do nothing to disturb others who are waiting for
class to begin.

7. Class opens and closes with a bowing ceremony and it is important for you to
participate. If you are unavoidably late for class, sit quietly in seiza, at the edge of
the mat, until Sensei gives you permission to join the class. When stepping onto the
mat perform a seated or standing bow facing Shomen. Do not disrupt the class
when entering the mat area. Walk behind and not in front of others who are sitting.

8. The proper way to sit on the mat is in seiza. If an injury prevents you from sitting in
seiza, you may sit cross-legged with your feet underneath. Never sit with your legs
outstretched or lean against walls and posts. You must remain alert and aware of your
surroundings at all times.

9. Do not leave the mat for any reason without first receiving Sensei's permission.

10. If you must leave the mat or have a question for Sensei regarding practice, go directly to him; never call Sensei over to you. Bow respectfully and wait for his acknowledgment.

11. While Sensei is demonstrating a technique, you should sit quietly and attentively in
seiza. After the demonstration, bow to Sensei, then bow to a partner, and begin
practice.

12. When Sensei signals the end of a technique or practice session, stop immediately,
bow to your partner, and line up with the other students.

13. When receiving personal instruction during class, sit attentively in seiza. Bow to
Sensei when he has finished.

14. If someone near you is receiving personal instruction from Sensei, you may stop
your practice and observe. Sit quietly in seiza and bow to Sensei when he has
finished.

15. Never stand around idly on the mat; you should be practicing or, if necessary,
attentively waiting your turn.

16. If you know the technique being studied and your training partner does not, you
may lead your partner through the technique but do not assume the role of the
instructor.

17. Your are here to practice Aikido as interpreted and taught by Nagai Sensei; do not
force your ideas on others. At the same time respect those who are more
experienced than you.

18. During class keep talking to a minimum and directly related to what you are
practicing.

19. It is everyone's responsibility to keep the dojo clean and in good repair. If you see
something that needs to be done, show initiative and do it. If you're not sure what to
do, alert a senior student to any need you may uncover. If you would like to
volunteer any personal skills that might be an asset to the dojo, please speak to a
senior student.

20. There is no eating, drinking, or gum chewing in the mat area.

21. In order to prevent injury or damage to personal property, no jewelry should be
worn during practice.

22. All cell phones and pagers should either be turned off or on silent as not to disrupt
class.

23. Visitors are always welcome to observe class but the following rules of etiquette
should be followed:
a. Sit quietly and respectfully.
b. Do not disturb anyone on the mat.
c. Do not talk or walk around while Sensei is demonstrating.
d. Do not eat, drink, or chew gum in the mat area. Do not smoke in the dojo.
e. Make sure all cellphones and pagers are either turned off or on silent.

25. All visitors should be treated as prospective students and training partners.
Everyone should make a concerted effort to make visitors, and new students as well,
feel welcome. If a visitor enters the dojo during practice, either excuse yourself from
class to greet them or alert a senior student who may not have seen them enter.

26. If you are unsure of what to do in a particular situation, ask a senior student or
simply follow their lead.

27. Most importantly, always have fun and enjoy your practice!

-

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Ready for the Path

Finally I'm set, with the correct mind and correct condition, to go into my long awaited mental and physical meditation. This would start effectively from tomorrow. How long would this take I don't really know, but I would be minimizing contact with the outer world so this mean that I would not sign in my msn, if I do, it would be 100% appearing offline. Guess would not blog so much as well, but would do so occasionally to update my situation to you guys.

Other than close friends in HK, any other people who want to see me are sincerely rejected here beforehand. If you see this, I hope you understand my situation now requires a still mind and peaceful environment. Would not attend any lunches or dinners unless they're crucial. Please do not call me unless it is necessary.

Thank you very much.

For the mind that wanders into the realm of stillness, I would project myself onto a path seeking both peaceful resolution and physical discipline.

-

Monday, March 29, 2010

Strength

There's no true strength.

There're only roads, and your choice to keep walking on.

And now I am.

-

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Real

Recently I have something to say about the thing called 'reality'.

In fact I never felt so real in my life before like now I am. In the past, floating is the norm. Dreamy states are common. Now, things are solid and real. Even dreams are real. Tell me how different that is? I would tell ya, super duper different.

Or I would call this state: process things as they come by.

Maybe I will look more into this state of mine later on but at this moment, if you need any news, life is very good for me.

-

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Back alive and kicking in HK

Bought my first organizer today. Life is revolving around new meanings these days. It's no longer about shaking the legs and finding the hypes, but rather shouldering the burden and being an adult who lives life carrying out responsibilities and feeling peaceful at the same time.

Plans are starting to fill my schedule already too. A stable relationship at this age mean that I have to seriously set my head down on the road to career and family planning.

Reading a biography on Gandhi these few days. Love his definition of life is about action, both physically and mentally. At its core it's the willingness and natural instincts that lead these actions. A saint like Gandhi is always one I look up to. Chewing his words in my mind alone can make me feel extremely peaceful.

Okay now off to re-vent my room. Time to make my room the perfect place to work.

-

Friday, February 19, 2010

In KL

And CNY's busiest season pass by just like that, in a blink of an eye. Now here I am, in KL for my two day visit.

Hopefully I can extract as much fun as possible out of these two days.

-

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

In Penang

Old faces and renewed strength in Penang. What a joy in this Tiger-themed Chinese New Year.

I am always surprised by how you can find the strength in Penang. It might be the fengshui. It might be the people. It might even be the fleeting moment of feeling your old roots once again.

Well seriously I am thinking of altering the way things are arranged in that small room of mine in Hong Kong when I am back. At least for that the fengshui works. And might wanna add a portable lamp in Gok Ling's house too so that I can work there as well too.

Oh yeah...HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

-

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Imaginarium


In Hong Kong, 2010 kicks off with the film "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus". A good start I would say. Heath Ledger's last seen footage saddened me as his bewildering acting and palette of emotions painted the hearts of the audiences, but Jude Law, Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp closed the deal in his stead. I like Depp a lot, and I recognized him straight when he pulled on his 'surprise' look. Still, Ledger performed the best nonetheless.

Dr. Parnassus would have fared way much better. He is a sacred man to start with, but he fell into an endless betting game with a Devil that lured him out of his cave. The Devil whispered: "So you're not a betting man, eh?" and Dr. Parnassus took the challenge, trying to prove what he believes in.

It turns out to be a wrong turn on the road. Dr. Parnassus could not differentiate his ideals from his desires anymore when he was granted immortality after winning the Devil. What follows is his endless betting game that goes ever on with the Devil, and in the end he lost his cool and wits.

"Don't give me choices anymore! I don't want to choose anymore!" Dr. Parnassus cried in despair, hugging the road sign pole in the middle of a snow swept mountain, on which written "To left - High Road"; "To right - Low Road". His tears streamed down his cheeks, and he knelt down, begging. His mind is lost in the imaginarium of desires and dreams.

His greed blinded him, and the thing that is noteworthy is, the greed is nothing but what we deem to be something small in our lives. The mere whim to win a bet; "love at first sight" fancy; the will to save your possession from being owned by others; the slim hope of trying to turn a promise around, you name it.

Once he purified people by telling them what their dreams are, and who they really are. He pointed out to them what is really there, and what actually are they dreaming. He walked them through his Imaginarium which the desires of the people entering there would be magnified in scales and beautified into fantasy. Slowly, Dr. Parnassus lost himself and when he can't see himself anymore, his desires slowly blind him and in the end he does not know what he did wrong anymore.

So what sealed his fate in the end? Seek the answer in your nearby cinemas. You wouldn't want to miss this show. Avatar might teach you a little philosophy in its course but "Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" took you through the journey of finding answers to questions we always ask in life. "What does choices really mean?"; "What it means to make a choice?" and you might find the portrayal of the different forms of greed which exists in our everyday life both surprising and astonishingly terrifying.

So, when is the last time you really look at yourself and your surrounding while identifying 'what is' and 'what should be'? Try this movie and find out for yourself. And let Heath Ledger amaze you again with his convincing performance. He was a genius too young to die.


(Photo courtesy of the article "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" from Wikipedia)

-

Saturday, December 26, 2009

"I am", I said - Neil Diamond


L.A.'s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is 'lay back'
Palm trees grow, and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin' about
Making my way back

Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home, but it ain't mine no more

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of bein' a king
And then became one
Well except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried, but it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared for the sound of being alone

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Saturday, December 05, 2009

What it really means to give...

After a nice and long talk with Shiaun, finally I get down to earth, and it's the first time I feel solid. And Xinch is right too, all the while. The moment you can give yourself fully in a relationship is the moment you are contented with yourself.

Because I am not doing what I am doing, then it turns out I am not giving myself.

Because I think about learning more about the other person and what I can do for her, I lost myself, and when you are lost, you are already in your own world. You don't go around giving what people want, it's just about giving it when you are giving it. Shiaun has a perfect example for this. It's like, I have a lot a lot of sweets, but if they are not with me now, I can't even give you one. That means, if I go around hunting for what the other needs in her life, in the end I will just end up not giving my all. I will just end up giving sweets while she needs chocolate, because the desire of her for sweets already 'expire'.

So what I can do? It's not about what I can do for her actually, now to think of it. It's about me settling my own feelings down, be calm, be contented, and go on with the flow of life and love. I think it's when you are going with the flow of the mixture of feelings and love and life, then when it's time to give sweets then you can give them. If you cannot, then so be it.

Another catch of it is that it's about faith. We don't go tell our mums that, hey, don't do that...if not, I'm not going to acknowledge you as my mum. That's why bah. I don't go around judging my own feelings for her whether it is right or wrong or whatsoever. It's just as easy as she's really really important to me and I want her in my life. That's how easy the faith should go, and I practically don't have to do anything 'extra'. Of course there will be efforts, there will be emotions, but the feeling of losing it doesn't matter anymore. Because in the end she is still the person who is important to me, even she leaves me, she's still important. That's the catch of it bah, and with that, I don't think being in your own world matters anymore. With that, somehow you will just walk towards each other, naturally.

So, the answer to 'What it means to really give in a relationship?' is just like the following for me: Be contented with your own feelings; Believe in the importance of her in my life; Always be conscious of the surrounding situations; and finally, go with the flow.

And I think I am on it now, finally. The time is ripe for me to settle down my feelings, and you are not wrong to think that, yea, finally I understand love more.

-

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Monday, November 02, 2009

Hence a new chapter unveiled...

This not a defeat I am talking about. This is a new leaf, a new chapter. I've finally come to admit that I am but a more than normal person, trying his best to discern the physical phenomena that never stop to awe me.

From today onwards, clarity is what I seek. Calm in the search, with a clear mind and steady legs.

-

Sunday, November 01, 2009

From Beijing with Love

It's a good time to examine myself again. I found that I am lagging off in the mood of wanting to achieve something big the past month. But this trip to Beijing somehow brings me a message, a subtle one, but I sensed it in time, captured it, and played with it.

I think somehow I am not occupied by alot of things as alot of people and myself would have assumed. Of course there are tonnes of things piling up in front of me waiting for me to settle, but it's the mind that is clogged, not my schedule.

Although Beijing is heavily polluted, I think this trip somehow cleansed a big part of my clogged mind. It seems like, suddenly, I made it to the other side of the sea which I thought that I could not cross before. I am not easily tensed anymore, alot more calm and quit shaking my legs. I got heavily sick in Beijing, and spent most of the time drinking water and sleeping. I can get more focused and I somehow know that things come my way, no matter how difficult they are, I can tackle them with confidence.

It is something very utterly different comparing to my old confident self. And that's why I am writing this, to explore more about how it works.

I think the change has something to do with my illness, people I meet in Beijing, the experience I had, the food I eat, the conversations I had, the sms-es I received and everything else that might slip my mind.

It's inexplicable. Trust me it isn't. Somehow, things changed. My POV changed. I can settle more with myself than before, and I mean a lot more. Before it's the vibes, the adrenaline that push me. I am not saying now it isn't, but the chakra I feed on before suddenly grow a lot more than before. I am starting to feed on the natural energy around me now.

It's indeed very strange and it's a good change. Beijing, the city that changed me.

-